Matt's NDE With Jesus, Then Hell

0:03 From the time that they pronounced me dead was a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped and I could see people screaming and crying but I didn't realize that was actually my physical body because I was somewhere else. The only thing that I could feel if you could imagine absolute love and peace there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was greeted by people I'd known in the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody. And we have a cool guest today, Matt Uribe. Matt, did I say that right? You did.

0:46 Yes, you did. Uribe. Oh, hallelujah. I've been worried about that one since we did the pre -interview. No, it's fine. It's fine. Hey, before we jump into your NDE, I'm going to give everybody a little bit of a heads up. You've never heard one quite like this. And I'm saying that from my own experience because I've heard hundreds or thousands of near -death experiences and this one's a little different than anything I've ever heard and super interesting. Before we jump into that, Matt, I want our listeners to get to know you. Take just a minute or so and tell us who's Matt. Currently, right now, I'm in a MSW program at CUSTA at Long Beach going for my master's in social work. I really believe that the Lord set that path to get to where I'm at. You know, I'm excited to continue to help people. I really believe that the Lord has brought me here to help people with this NDE. Not only that, but even the path that I'm leading on right now is to gain more people, not only to Christ, but just to move forward with their lives in a positive way. You're obviously a believer. Have you always been? Did you grow up that way? All right, now here we go. So when I was younger, I grew up in a very authoritative type family, very religious.

2:03 I will say this, it was kind of like a cult -like church. I will not mention the church, but I was fortunate enough to know Jesus from that church. However, it was the wrong impression. It was verbally abusive, physically once. So it really gave me a bad taste in my mouth of what Jesus was and who he stood for. So I really wanted nothing to do with Jesus at that time. I kind of backslid very early on at 12, you know, doing some dumb things, stealing, making bad decisions, kind of going down the wrong path at an early age. Okay, I think that kind of sets the stage and you're not an old guy, but we're gonna go back about 20 years You were pretty young then give us an idea. What was going on in your life that led up to your experience Yes, and this is pretty traumatic. I'll kind of make this a little shorter. So this all happened while I was Actually right out of high school. I was kind of wondering what to do with my life. What am I going to do with my life? Living with my parents at about 18 and they finally come to me at about 23, you know, I'm just kind of taking college classes here and there and they come to me and they're like, well, you know, what do you plan on doing with your life? You can't just stay here with us and, you know, live rent free and, you know, not do anything. So at that time I was thinking, well, the military sounds like an option. Let me go check out. some recruiters.

3:32 As I moved forward, I found one in Lakewood. First was Marines, and this, mind you, was after 9 -11. So people were joining constantly. So I was initially going to join the Marines, but the problem was I wasn't scared of fighting, but I was more like to help people. So I saw the Coast Guard. You know, they distinctly stood out to me because they were like, well, we do search and rescue. We're on the water. we more or less save people. So I went into the Coast Guard. Boot camp was pretty crazy and then I'm very proud of myself for getting through that and then being stationed in Oregon. I have a brother that is two years older and a younger brother who's six years younger. And me and my older brother were pretty close in age and then we grew up together and did a lot of things together and kind of drifted apart but still kept in contact at the end very closely. while I was in the Coast Guard, what we call is a tower watch. Basically, we go up in a tower and it is an ocean leading or sorry, and a river leading out to an ocean.

4:37 And there's a bar that breaks. So basically, it's kind of like law enforcement would just sit out there and make sure no boats crossed that bar. Anyways, I get a phone call from the master chief. So I'm like telling me I have to go back to the station. And mind you, I've been in trouble before. So I'm like, oh, no. You know, what did I do now? Thinking like. I won't lie, you know, I want everything to be honest and out there. I was using at the time both me and my older brother, and I would kind of tell him about my experiences and he would tell me what his, so we kind of bonded over that, which wasn't, you know, healthy, but it made us close together and created a bond. And so I'm thinking I'm in trouble going back. So I go back and I see one of my friends. I'm like, hey before I get in the station. Hey, what's what's going on? You know, like what what's happening? And he's like what I think you're in trouble and to me I'm like, oh great Before I get into the master chief's office I see my best friend who's supplying me with some of the stuff I get in there and I'm thinking to myself. This is it My part is just out of my chest and then he's like, well, we've got a phone call from your dad. I'm thinking like, why is my dad calling the station? And then everything just went in a blur. He's like, your brother passed away. And then I just dropped to my knees and just let out a cry that just really, really hurt. Was kind of in shock at the time and then went back home for the funeral.

6:08 And the problem was I had to go back to Oregon to do my time, finish my billet there. Yeah, away from my family, away from everything. And so that was pretty devastating for me. However, my mom wrote a note and, you know, long story short, I eventually get back to I get my last year, I get to spend in Long Beach at home in California with my family, thinking everything's going to be great, you know, I get to be with my family, you know, I get to spend time with them and kind of heal and get over this addiction. they didn't know and just be close with them, you know, and we'll all be one big happy family. That's just not how it worked and then didn't work out that way. I think this is all God's plan because everything fit into place when I tell the NDE and how this became about. Again, first day in Long Beach, you know, it was going great. And then what do I do? I find more people with, you know, drugs. And I'm thinking, oh, man, this is great because the drug of choice was methadone. It was something I can't explain.

7:14 It just made me not feel you could have your worst day and it'll make you feel just incredible. And it was something that I got involved with. And if it wasn't for me coming back to Long Beach, I don't think I would have gotten off it. Probably don't think I'd be alive today. But in Long Beach, I found even harder drugs to do the job, which was ecstasy. You know, who knows what's, you know, laced in that stuff. Yeah, that's pretty much what's going to lead up to this NDE. Yeah. So self -medicating to get rid of the pain happens a lot. Okay. What happened next? Yeah. And I would try anything and everything. You know, I was at that point where this, I know this sounds bad and I nothing back to this a lot. I use my brother's death a lot as an excuse. You know, people obviously knew I had a problem and they're like, dude, we want to help. Or they would say, I would be drinking and they would say, oh, dude, he's drinking a lot. And then I would say, well, I lost my brother, you know, kind of use that as an excuse. So it was terrible. The great thing was I had a boss in Long Beach and man, he looked out for me. I probably wouldn't be here today without his help getting through that coast guard.

8:28 But let me kind of tell you the story of how the NDE ended up happening now. mind you again this was 20 years ago but I will trifle in any gap that you have. Hey before you do let me just throw out a little sort of disclaimer here just to warn people we are going to be talking about a suicide situation so if that's something is triggering for you you may not want to listen we won't go into a lot of detail except for the NDE part but just wanted to get that out there ahead of time so people have an idea of what's coming in case they want to be prepared or turn this off for their children or something like that. And Matt, I really appreciate you trusting us. I know this is the first time that you've shared this publicly in this kind of a forum and with this many people. So thank you and we're here to listen. Go ahead. Yeah, no problem. And the reason why I'm sharing it, you know, I don't take this lightly. A lot of people will judge or say, oh, there's no way, there's no way that happened to you or how could that possibly be?

9:36 But mind you, I had a previous NDE that was how I put it. It opened up my eyes but it didn't necessarily mean I thought it was real still. So then I tested the waters again and again and again because one of the NDE's I took an ecstasy, laid down and then was gone, I didn't realize. You don't realize when you're gone, you think you're going to be okay, but you're not. And I just felt a little tap on my heart and it started beating again. And I heard a voice say, go get water, go get water. And I did. That was a different night. So this night I had a conversation with my mom, very emotional about my brother. For those of you who don't know, ecstasy can be a pill that will get you blackout depressed. I mean, black holes in your brain of depression.

10:27 And that's exactly what it did to me. Now mind you, it gave you two hours of basic just bliss, but then hell comes along with that. And that is the deep dark compression. So after I had that emotional talk with my mom brought me to tears, you know, because it was very, very close to after his death. She went to bed. This was probably about midnight. I had a bunch of ecstasy pills and voices were just overloading me. yes take that take that it's perfect you know you'll be fine you know I was so distorted in my mind that I thought yeah I'm gonna be fine you know where I was laying there was two twin beds by my brother's bed where I used to share a room with my brother when I was there my older brother there was a mirror and my bed was kind of kind of close to that mirror and I this is a thinking I had I I thought that I would be OK, if I just every couple of minutes, I'd like look to the mirror and go like this or something. This is the distorted thinking I had. Finally, at the point I and I want to say, you know, I don't want to cuss, but I said, F it, I'm out of here.

11:34 I'm done with this world. Grabbed a bunch of ecstasy pills. I'm thinking seven or eight of them all different. Mind you, you don't know what you're getting. If those of you who have done either be heroin based, speed based, a bunch of different chemically induced pills took them again set up and I'm out of here went to go lay down and then all of a sudden something was in my body and it kind of touched my eyes touched my eyes and I was riding passenger in my body and the first thing that I noticed was I black out again and then it's all dark it's all just pitch black and then I hear the most beautiful prayers. And I'm like, wow, where is that coming from? Where am I hearing this? And I'm looking everywhere and it's just pitch black. I remember my brother singing a song. We used to listen to a band called Bad Religion, which was more of a punk kind of finding faith, but like not in religion. But there was a line in it says, When the only true Messiah rescues us from ourselves, there will be no sorrow." And they kept singing that. And it was my brother. I'm like, wow, I'm hearing my brother's voice. I must be going nuts.

12:56 I'm out of it. And then the brightest light came down. I mean, brighter than the sun, brighter than any light you'd ever imagine. And then I heard this voice talking to me and just comforting me with this love, this peace, this joy, this mercy. It wasn't judging me. It was just love all around my body. And then I black out again. I come back to my brother's in my body dialing a phone number and it was to my friend and I black out again and he's like, don't worry, everything's going to be all right. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm losing my mind right now. I don't know what's going on. I'm not alive. I keep going in and out of reality and not reality and then I black out again and then I come to again and you have to have an open mind. My brother is in my body opening the door for my friend and he walks in and my brother is talking to him and my friend thinks I'm out of my mind and I can't say anything because I'm not in control of my body. We get in the kitchen and you know we're just talking and he's no it's Dave. It's Dave. This is Dave, not Matt. And again, he's thinking like, you know, I'm nuts, but I heard the voices of my brother, his voice. I mean, I can't explain it.

14:20 He's like, well, let's go get some sleep. Dave's like, yeah, let's go upstairs. And this is where it gets a little hazy. When I go upstairs, we stop at my parents' room. My parents' room is kind of on the right. And Dave's like, wait, I got to go in here. My friend's like, no, man, you don't want to wake them up. Again, I'm riding passenger. I'm just hearing everything. I have no control or anything. I black out again and then we're on the bed He's on my brother's bed and I'm on my bed and my brother's just talking to him just telling him basically the future and mind you I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but he was telling him very good things about me and you know, what's gonna happen to him and I never have talked to my friend to this day about this because he was told me that your friend will find his wife through me but you guys will have a disagreement and eventually he found his wife through me a woman who I was dating what didn't work out I introduced them anyways it turned out you know they got together and then they're married but there was a falling out I won't get into that that just kind of irrelevant And then this is where the NDE really starts.

15:34 He goes to bed and then my brother's like, we gotta go. And I'm thinking to myself, we gotta go, where are we going? It was like an elevator we were in and it immediately shot up. And it was like, I can't even explain it. You know, some people see tunnels, some people, you know, go through a very quick like teleportation. I don't know, but mine was like an elevator we were in and it just shot up immediately. He's like, Well, someone wants to talk to you and I'm like, okay, this is weird. But while I'm there mind you the Lord didn't allow me to see Anything of if it's called heaven or hell. I mean he didn't allow me to see it I felt everything and I felt pure joy Pure bliss like everything was it was home It felt like it was our our natural home where we belong in the end where our souls go in the end We get there. My brother told me before I went to go talk to this being, he's like, I'll never forget basically what you said on that paddle out. And sorry, I get a little emotional. We had a paddle out after his death and we all dropped laze. I was like, you're my brother and I love you and I always will. And he He's like, I'll never forget that. I'll take that with me. And I'll watch over you. Always.

17:03 Sorry, sorry, sorry. I get a little emotional every time. I think about that one because, you know, my whole life I've been just kind of living with this guilt of his death thinking like, you know, the survivors go by, you know, I told him about this drug and it, you know, killed him. So something kind of I had to live with thinking the guilt's all on me here. But anyways, back to the NDE. Again, he's like, now you got to talk to some manago and it's Jesus. Now mind you, it's just brightness of light. Don't remember features. Again, I don't think the Lord wanted me to see him because it wasn't my time, but I do remember him telling me kind of like people have life reviews. I didn't really remember kind of what he was saying about my life review, but Like, do you remember there was this person I was seeing at the time and, you know, it wasn't going well and I was upset. He's like, no, that is not that is not going to be the right person for you. Now, again, Jesus starts telling me I'm not going to let you see what you're not supposed to see because basically it's not your time. He didn't say that, but he's kind of told me I'm not going to let you remember what I don't want you to remember. I'm like, you know, I think of myself, OK, but he did tell me a few things about my life at the time. How, no, this is not the right person. That's not going to happen.

18:28 And I remember being upset about it. But Jesus is totally different. I mean, He wasn't angry, wasn't judging. He was very merciful. He just felt very disappointed in me that I would take my life and basically tell me your life's not yours to take. I gave you this life. I have a purpose for you, but when you're so much in darkness and there's just darkness around you, demonic things, it really distorts your mind. And, you know, to this day, I still struggle. But anyways, moving on to the NDE, he told me basically that you cannot stay. It's not your time. You have to go back. And I'm just upset because there, think of a methadone, like I was saying, that pure bliss, this was like a million times, billion times better. What we have awaiting for us is just, I can't even explain it. There are no words.

19:24 It's beyond our human logic or comprehension. So anyways, he goes, you need to have faith. And immediately, I go down fast in darkness, just pure black. And it's the complete opposite feeling that I had when I was with the Lord. It was like an absence from the Lord. And it was, again, beyond human comprehension of fear. People could say fear, tormenting, terrifying. All those in one wouldn't even explain it. And I remember kind of being alone, wondering, where am I? I just went through this one ordeal of pure bliss. Now I'm in this ordeal of, I can't get out of this. I'm trying to get out. I can't get out of this. And mind you, what I forgot to say earlier was everything is telepathic.

20:17 The Lord knows my thoughts already. He knew what I was going to say. It was like, you don't talk. Everything's through your mind. And so while I'm in that dark place, I remember probably four or five demons saying the most evil things about you. I mean, just surrounding you, laughing at you, saying, we got you now. You're not going anywhere, man. I remember them just tying me up. and kind of bounding me. But what I do remember is my arms were like this. I was holding on to two, it felt like two hands and I'll come back to where this kind of makes sense. I didn't see anything, but felt everything. Some people say they saw other people there. I didn't see other people there. I was too busy in my own hell to even have a comprehension of other people around.

21:07 And then all of a sudden they were ripping me apart and I was feeling everything. I remember just shaking my head, gnashing my teeth, my jaw, just trying, you know, screaming, doing everything to possibly, you know, have them stop. But it was like a twilight zone. It would happen, I'd come back to, immediately they'd rip me apart again. And this just kept going on and on and on. And then I remembered... I don't know why I wasn't calling on the Lord or talking to the Lord at this time, but this felt like he turned me. It felt like I wasn't going anywhere. There was no way out of this. And I was stuck there and they were laughing, having a great time.

21:49 You know, I'm calling on the Lord and he's like, he can't help you. But they were getting madder every time I would call on the Lord or mention Jesus' name. They would just get more and more upset. I distinctly remember that. And then I remember holding on to felt like two hands and just kept praying and kept praying and the more I prayed the more I would get ripped up but they would just get more and more worked up the demons at the time and then I remember the last prayer I said something to the extent of Jesus is Lord my Savior or something to that extent and then all of a sudden I hear loud footsteps and I become extremely more terrified thinking it was Satan himself coming to grabbing me up but it stopped and the demons, like four of them stopped, just enraged, walking away. And I'm like, oh Lord, thank God, you know, thinking like the ordeal is over. But one demon stayed back and he whispered in my ear, you know, I don't want to cuss, but he told me, I mean, this is how evil they are.

22:54 And he said, we almost had you, mother effer. I'm just like still thinking that Satan's coming to grab me and I immediately said, praise the Lord, and then I just get sucked back in my body. Mind you, this felt like I've been in two places for like days. It felt like I was there for a long time. When I woke up, I was entrenched. I don't know if it was sweat, water, could not move my jaw because the gnashing of teeth. What I said was, praise the Lord to my friend. He was in the other bed and he immediately sucked me back in my body. my parents immediately coming in the room yelling at me. I mean, and this is where it comes back probably with the two hands.

23:39 And mind you, I don't talk about this with my parents. I don't talk about this with my friend. It's just something that just, I don't know why. I just feel like it's just something that it was my own personal near death experience that my parents suck it up to drugs. But let me tell you this. They came in the room yelling at me, this and that, and I immediately went in the room. And they're like, what, do you want to lose another brother? If you go, we go. You know, it's basically saying that we can't handle another death. I think to this day, I was holding on to their hands when my brother said stop at their bedroom. I think somehow maybe my body was in there. I can't explain it because I was in two places at once. So it doesn't make sense. During the NDE too, a lot of things happened. I would see my parents walking around. It was just all this at once that just doesn't make sense. It was kind of very miraculous. But it took me months to kind of get my head back on. I remember right after this, I was going to go to like a rehab center. I couldn't even remember my birthday, my name. I was completely just went through an ordeal that not too many people could understand unless they've obviously been through that ordeal.

24:56 But what I want to say is that I remember the Lord just saying what He wanted from me was just to love people and treat them with respect and kindness. He brought me back. It was like He set my path. That last year in Long Beach, of course, I was still kind of fighting addictions at that time with the rehabs and stuff. My path was like I had people watching over me every step of the way where I could have been dishonorably discharged. I mean, my life would have been ruined. It was like the Lord was watching me every time throughout each phase of my life. And, you know, got me through the military with honorable discharge. Then I went back, worked for Edison for a while.

25:39 That, you know, ended up getting laid off after six years, but then went back for my BSW and social work, watching out after me there, getting my degree. having some disabilities, getting through seizures, end up in my master's program right now at Cal State Long Beach. He's just progressed me each and every way, and I am so generous and thankful for that. But yes, that near -death experience has really opened up my eyes, and now I kind of leave it to you. I'm sure you have questions. Only 5 ,000, that's all. Matt, that was, wow. I think I forgot to breathe for about five minutes in there. I know it's a lot of talking on my part. I know. No, no, no, no. That was just I was tense and I was waiting for for everything and just. Yeah. Yeah.

26:27 Just forgot to breathe. By the way, the little noises people might hear in the background are your dog. Hello, puppy back there. Not a problem at all. We love dogs. OK. Yeah. He's sorry. He's he's he has a disability, too. He's deaf. So he I rescued him. So yeah. Sorry about the noise. Well, I would do sign language, hello, but he's not looking at me. I want to get a few things out of the way. The first one is I want you to know that I believe you what happened to you. There are going to be some naysayers out there that say, oh, he was just on a drug trip and this wasn't a real thing. What do you have to say to them? OK, and this is where it comes into play. You could shrug off one near -death experience.

27:12 You can maybe shrug off two. You can't shrug off four. And the one I had before that was at a party. And, you know, I can go into details about that, but this was the biggest one. And it was like, no, this is all real. There's no way. Yes, there are people that would be like, well, and I've gotten that. And that's why I don't really tell this story, because there are those people that are out there that say, well, the drugs did this. I have what I forgot to mention after that, that near -death experience that day. I kept seeing orbs throughout the whole day. They would just come and go, and I'd just be in tears. It'd bring me right back to that experience. And that still happens to this day, where I would catch orbs. Either I'd be watching something, a near -death experience on TV, and I'd just see this real quick orb go quick, just very fast, and I'd be like, whoa. What do you think that means? You know, I don't know. I can only hope good things that the Lord's still watching out, which I do believe always. Maybe God is still trying to speak to me because I'm still learning. I still have a long way to go. I know after a lot of people's near -death experiences that they completely changed their lives. For me, it's been a slow progression. Yes, I've changed a lot of things. Addiction, yes, has been out of my life. That has changed. But, you know, the struggles are still very real. I still have a very hard time going to church because of my upbringing. I haven't gone back to church because of that. I try to get in the Word each night,

28:44 but it's like I pray each night, and don't get me wrong. But still, there are struggles that I have that are mine, and I know each person has their own. I always find myself progressing when I'm either in the Word of God or praying and helping others. Again, yes, I do struggle. and for those people that say, well, it was drug induced. They are entitled to that belief, but one day we will die. And one day I want them to know that there is this place that is indescribable, that you don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be left behind. Every day I pray that I'm not left behind. And it still worries me to this day because knowing what that other place is was consistent torment. It did not stop. it just kept going and there was no time. So a couple of things back to the drug thing. I've had a few people explain it to me as something I experienced while I was on drugs or just a dream in the middle of the night. I may remember for a little while or a day or two but a near -death experience is very clear for very many years to come. Would you say you're in that that boat right there?

29:58 Oh, absolutely. And mind you, I remember so much more when I came out of the near -death experience. I wish I, you know, remember that. And I wrote a journal. Unfortunately, I don't know why I got rid of it. I wish I had it because there were definitely key points I put in there. But yeah, what was the question? Sorry. Well, we were talking about whether people can believe this is a real NDE or it was just drugs. I think we covered it well. The last question that I think fills in that gap to prove that this was real is, Matt, how much fear of death do you have now? I don't fear it. Let me say this too, because growing up, I have a very anxious person, you know, had anxiety, been through a lot of trauma. Yeah, I was very skeptical of death.

30:43 You know, is this Jesus that I've been told for 18 years of my life at the time? Is he real? And I remember at church as a young kid, this one song that they sung and I really felt the Holy Spirit come into me and I was like, whoa! That was when I was going through very struggling times. That's kind of when I was like, wow, the Lord is real, I think. I mean, I believe that it's real. Moving forward, we all have our fears of death and sharks and stuff like that. Well, for me, the ocean, but now I don't because it's like, I know that it's in the Lord's hands and it's His timing. When it's my time, and like you told me when I was with the Lord, you told me it's not your time. I believe when my time is up, it's the right time. All right, this may be a hard one, but I want you to try to explain something. And this comes from the most unusual part of your experience compared to so many others that I've heard. And that is that you had this beautiful, blissful, loving experience first, then had a hellish experience. Usually it's the other way around. Yes, and I've seen a lot of NDEs like that. But as you put it, and tell me if I have this wording right, right before this happened, Jesus said to you, you need to have faith, right? Yes. Okay, do you think that was a long -term, Matt needs to have faith, or it

32:16 was meant for the experience you were about to have in this hellish place. Yes, I think I think so in that hellish place and then long term, but the hellish place, because he brought me completely down after that. And I think he needed to show me that it is very real. Like I said, I've watched probably hundreds of Indies kind of just putting these pieces together of what people have seen, what people have gone through. And yeah, they always have either this hell experience first, And then the heaven or just the heaven experience or just the hell experience. But yeah, it was so kind of mind -boggling that I haven't found one that has first I went to this joyful, you know, just amazing place and then went down to the darkness. So I really do believe that the Lord said to have faith because I probably about what I was going to go through. them there and with life. But what I wanted to say previously about your other question about the NDE and white people, I just remember this because this happens to me a lot. I still have dreams, too, of demonic beings and some, you know, when I'm kind of slipping a little bit, they'll be in my room and it will be like a dream, like I can't breathe. One of them was on my chest pushing me down or I couldn't call on the Lord. So it's very, very real. All I can do is just pray and tried to tell people this experience and let them take it for what it's worth. So most people in a hellish place,

33:47 they call upon Jesus and they're immediately taken out of there. For you, you were also taken out of there, but instead of going to a heavenly place, you were back in your body. Yes. Correct? Okay. Yes, correct. Can you explain that? Yeah, that's something I think, you know, I could speculate what the Lord was wanting to do. I wish I was going to go back with the Lord. I just, you know, after coming back into my body and being so disoriented, you know, not knowing why the Lord just put me right back in my body, you know, obviously it's a bit upsetting, you know, because I didn't want to be here. I didn't understand my purpose in life. I didn't understand where I'm going, why.

34:33 what and where, you know, the Lord has for me. Every time something loving happens in my life, it's like I feel like, wow, the Lord showed me that there. But it's like a deja vu thing where I can't explain it. It's kind of like the Lord showed me a future there. I can't remember it until after it happens. It's like, I'm so stupid. He told me that. For example, I would be interning with adults with disabilities, you know, with cerebral palsy. you know, different like schizophrenia, autism, like helping those people out, you know, loving those people. You know, that, that was the Lord showing me, I'm bringing you back for this. Like, this is what I want you to do with what I've given you is to help these people.

35:19 And, you know, I believe, you know, that's the reason why I got put back in my body is to keep moving forward. I believe that the social work program was for a reason. And I got accepted twice for that reason, to keep helping and to move on, to keep moving forward and helping everyone that I could possibly do. And that'll be so good for you at the same time as you're helping others. Right. And I'm not saying like I'm better than anyone else. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying like, I feel like this is my path and I'm going on. The things that people see, I'm not doing it for them. I'm doing it. because not only do I want to help others, but I want the Lord to be proud of me. Sorry, I kind of break up. I get a little emotional on that.

36:08 I'm not looking for praise from people. I want the Lord to be like, that's why I brought you back, to love people and to help people and to continue to grow. I know it's really hard to get off drugs. On a personal note, how's your recovery going after all these years? It's a struggle. You know, fortunately, I've been sober, yes. And I'm going to be straight honest with everyone that I take a little Suboxone because it allows me to function. It allows me to work. It allows me to go to school. Some people obviously will say, well, you're still using this now, but no, I'm using about a crumb if I need it to move on with my life. And I pray that the Lord will eventually take that out of my life and I'll be able to fully be sober up to you know the VA and everything this is recovery to them you know going to counseling taking your medications this and that but I do believe in time the Lord will take away those medications and you know my brain will be back to where it's supposed to be yeah you won't completely need them the last thing that I wanted you to if you can to explain more to us is something that earlier you said you couldn't explain that love you felt that bliss that wonderful that you said was like this one drug times a billion. Is there any other way that you can explain it? I could explain it like being wrapped around in Jesus's arms

37:38 and just your whole body is gone. Your body's not there. It's your soul. And it's like your soul is just wrapped around in this warm. blanket of love. Imagine just floating in that love and just being there in that love and enjoying that time. You're not only seeing but feeling that, wow, everything I was kind of taught is true, but Jesus, like I said, Jesus is so different than what people think. A lot of different, you know, religions think that Jesus is this judgemental type person but it was just all I got from him was straight love and mercy and the only thing he was just sad for was that I attempted to do this to myself. It was like he gave us life but I was taking that life that he gave me away and you know, that just that made him very sad and I think that was another reason why he wanted me to see, you know, that there is a very dark realm that people go to that, you know, I don't have questions. There's so many questions that I wanted to ask. Why are people down in that other realm? But he just left it with my experience.

39:01 And, you know, I know a lot of other NDE's, they were shown why people were down there, maybe because they rejected Jesus, but... I believe that Jesus gives us so many chances and He'll even give us another chance on our deathbed because I will say this, and this is something that I haven't said, was that my brother said, see things come back to me here and there, my brother said to me, you don't have to worry about me. You've been looking with all these drugs, all these different things. I'm okay. I'm with the Lord. And at the end of my brother's life, he was praying, trying to move forward. in a good, good way. Unfortunately, he had a lot of friends, good friends, great friends. Accidental overdose and it just, it took a toll on all of us and it will be his 20 years in July 5th. So, I just can't believe it's been that long. Time just went by so quickly. But like I said, he just told me like, you don't need to search for me anymore because I am okay. I'm with the Lord. Yeah, that brought me some some good peace. Like I said, I still struggle because the enemy is always going to put thoughts in your head of, well, you did this, you did that, you did this, instead of looking at the, you know, the good things.

40:19 There's always two battles going on in your body, especially I'm still struggling spiritually. So once I get to that spot where I am 100 % for the Lord, I think that struggle will stop. I'm not saying I'm not 100 % for the Lord, but I'm just It's hard when there are all these different things in this world that you're going through things. I'm a normal person. I go through things, ups and downs. I have mental health issues in the military and trauma. So there are things that I go through just like a normal person. Thank you for all that. If there's just one thing that everybody remembers from this, I know I just wrote it down in my notes, and that was, you said it felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket of love. That is beautiful. Thank you, Matt, for being with me today. No, I appreciate you having me on and telling you this story.

41:13 Like I said, I've had another near death big one before this one, and that one, I wasn't dead, but it was still going through two spiritual realms. The naysayers could always doubt, but it's 100 % real. Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath .com. If you want to share your near -death experience or if you have questions or comments about the show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com. Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life. and the next.