"I Knew Him" - Bridget Meets Jesus In Her NDE

WEBVTT

00:00:03.790 --> 00:00:06.669
From the time that they pronounced me that was

00:00:06.669 --> 00:00:10.250
a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then

00:00:10.250 --> 00:00:13.609
they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I

00:00:13.609 --> 00:00:17.129
could see people screaming and crying But I didn't

00:00:17.129 --> 00:00:19.510
realize that was actually my physical body because

00:00:19.510 --> 00:00:22.890
I was somewhere else The only thing that I could

00:00:22.890 --> 00:00:26.809
feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace

00:00:26.809 --> 00:00:29.829
there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was

00:00:29.829 --> 00:00:33.070
greeted by people I'd known in the past I'm back

00:00:33.070 --> 00:00:36.869
home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home.

00:00:39.270 --> 00:00:41.329
Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death everybody

00:00:41.329 --> 00:00:44.789
and our wonderful guest this morning. You are

00:00:44.789 --> 00:00:47.630
going to love her, Bridget Cooke Birch. How are

00:00:47.630 --> 00:00:51.850
you? I am so grand. Thank you for asking. Delighted

00:00:51.850 --> 00:00:54.409
to be here. You got me up early this morning,

00:00:54.409 --> 00:00:57.189
but thank you for that too. We got each other

00:00:57.189 --> 00:01:00.049
up early this morning. That's awesome. Hey, before

00:01:00.049 --> 00:01:04.640
we jump into your story, it's Interesting. Sometimes,

00:01:04.900 --> 00:01:07.599
well quite often, one of the things I get asked

00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:10.379
is how do you find guests for your show? And

00:01:10.379 --> 00:01:13.099
I admit they come from all over the place. A

00:01:13.099 --> 00:01:15.500
lot of people reach out to me through our website

00:01:15.500 --> 00:01:19.599
and people are sometimes recommended. Every once

00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:23.719
in a while I'm online in like a near -death experience

00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:26.060
social media group or something and something

00:01:26.060 --> 00:01:27.879
will just stand out to me and I'll reach out

00:01:27.879 --> 00:01:31.519
to that person. But For you, I was having lunch

00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:34.900
with a friend recently. Shout out to Val Hale.

00:01:34.920 --> 00:01:39.480
I don't think he'll mind. And he said, if you

00:01:39.480 --> 00:01:42.579
haven't interviewed Bridget yet, you have to.

00:01:42.939 --> 00:01:45.819
Her story, it'll be like your best interview

00:01:45.819 --> 00:01:49.459
ever. So Bridget, you came highly recommended

00:01:49.459 --> 00:01:55.500
from a mutual friend. And we both love and respect

00:01:55.500 --> 00:02:00.680
Val very much. So we're assuming that this is

00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:04.620
going to be as good as he hoped for. But anyway,

00:02:04.879 --> 00:02:06.739
hey, Bridget, before we jump into your story,

00:02:06.939 --> 00:02:08.699
would you just tell us a little bit about you

00:02:08.699 --> 00:02:11.900
so we can get to know you? Sure. I'm used to

00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:15.000
talking about everybody else just because I get

00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:17.300
to work with amazing storytellers from around

00:02:17.300 --> 00:02:20.259
the world. I will tell you, I'm a very proud

00:02:20.259 --> 00:02:23.620
and delighted mother of four, three daughters

00:02:23.620 --> 00:02:28.360
and one son. and also a Mimi of four. I have

00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:32.879
two granddaughters and two grandsons and they

00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:35.539
are the highlight of my existence in my life

00:02:35.539 --> 00:02:39.080
and I absolutely love it. I also get to work

00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:42.039
with stories and my clients call me the book

00:02:42.039 --> 00:02:45.639
whisperer. Just I see threads of stories that's

00:02:45.639 --> 00:02:48.979
happened ever since my near death and I'm able

00:02:48.979 --> 00:02:52.039
to help people to put that into extraordinary,

00:02:52.580 --> 00:02:55.259
you know, it's their real stories, but I'm able

00:02:55.259 --> 00:02:57.759
to see the rises and falls in a way that other

00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:00.240
humans can understand the deep impact that they've

00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:04.020
had. And so I'm, I'm a book coach and a publisher

00:03:04.020 --> 00:03:07.139
and I just love what I do. I have an incredible

00:03:07.139 --> 00:03:10.039
team and we work together and it's always about

00:03:10.039 --> 00:03:13.189
something greater than ourselves. Wow. Well,

00:03:13.189 --> 00:03:15.490
it's kind of fun talking to somebody else that

00:03:15.490 --> 00:03:19.750
has a gaggle of girls and then one boy. Was your

00:03:19.750 --> 00:03:23.710
boy the youngest? He was the youngest until my

00:03:23.710 --> 00:03:25.889
third daughter came along. So she's my bonus

00:03:25.889 --> 00:03:27.909
daughter, but she's the daughter of my heart

00:03:27.909 --> 00:03:31.129
too. Okay, I won't tell the others. They're gonna

00:03:31.129 --> 00:03:34.009
be jealous. They all hold a special place. It's

00:03:34.009 --> 00:03:37.069
amazing. You know how that goes. I know how that

00:03:37.069 --> 00:03:40.639
goes. Four daughters, one boy. But he was the

00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:44.300
caboose, and so he had five mothers growing up

00:03:44.300 --> 00:03:47.419
raising him. I was going to say he had all of

00:03:47.419 --> 00:03:51.500
that influence on him, yeah. I just wrote a book

00:03:51.500 --> 00:03:54.599
with a gentleman who had, I think, five older

00:03:54.599 --> 00:03:58.900
sisters, and he called himself the bendy doll.

00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:02.719
He was the bendy doll of his sisters, and when

00:04:02.719 --> 00:04:05.360
they all left to get married, he felt very bereft

00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:09.860
and abandoned. So interesting. Yeah, you know,

00:04:09.860 --> 00:04:12.000
it's funny and maybe I'm just old -fashioned

00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.780
but the one thing that I put my foot down on

00:04:15.780 --> 00:04:19.600
with the girls was you are not dressing him up

00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:23.019
in dresses and makeup and curlers and all that

00:04:23.019 --> 00:04:26.000
kind of stuff and There you go. I'm sure I'm

00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:28.500
gonna get harassed for making a statement like

00:04:28.500 --> 00:04:31.800
that. But Hopefully it turned out well for you

00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:34.740
will listeners of the show have heard about will

00:04:34.740 --> 00:04:38.839
he does our editing And he's a huge part of what

00:04:38.839 --> 00:04:42.480
goes on here. So anyway, but enough of all that.

00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:45.040
I want to jump right into your story. How many

00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:49.420
years ago are we going back to when you had this,

00:04:49.420 --> 00:04:53.399
this scare, this wonderful thing? Well, I'm old

00:04:53.399 --> 00:04:56.160
now, so we're going back decades. We're going

00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:58.699
back to when I was in my early twenties in college.

00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:04.459
I was a perfectionist. I wanted to excel at everything.

00:05:05.060 --> 00:05:10.519
I wanted to experience all of life. But also,

00:05:10.819 --> 00:05:14.220
Eric, I had a deep wound inside. I'd been adopted

00:05:14.220 --> 00:05:16.779
when I was six months old. So I'd been through

00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:20.220
three sets of parents by six months. And there

00:05:20.220 --> 00:05:23.120
was a deep part of me that didn't trust that

00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:27.680
the big people would stay. I was fiercely independent.

00:05:28.120 --> 00:05:30.800
I wanted, it was one of those oxymoronic things,

00:05:30.980 --> 00:05:34.139
like I wanted so much to be wanted. I wanted

00:05:34.139 --> 00:05:36.819
so much to be loved and felt I had to prove myself

00:05:36.819 --> 00:05:39.439
for that love. But when it would come, sometimes

00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:42.459
I would push it away. By this point in life,

00:05:42.819 --> 00:05:45.660
everything was crumbling. I'd been working in

00:05:45.660 --> 00:05:47.980
Salt Lake and was making decent money as a waitress

00:05:47.980 --> 00:05:50.060
and then I moved to Logan to go to Utah State

00:05:50.060 --> 00:05:53.959
University and The economy there was very slight

00:05:53.959 --> 00:05:56.300
and tips were very poor. And so all of a sudden

00:05:56.300 --> 00:06:01.199
my income plummeted. I was doing construction.

00:06:01.379 --> 00:06:04.120
I was working at a gas station at night. I was

00:06:04.120 --> 00:06:07.079
waitressing and I still, I could not keep up

00:06:07.079 --> 00:06:10.139
with my expenses. I had no social life. I was

00:06:10.139 --> 00:06:12.560
trying to go to school. I started failing classes,

00:06:13.180 --> 00:06:16.420
was failing in my relationships with my parents,

00:06:16.579 --> 00:06:20.680
with my friends, with my roommates. I just, I

00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:25.240
was not living a great life. The stress started

00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:28.100
to eat away inside my body, but I didn't know

00:06:28.100 --> 00:06:30.560
what was going on. I just kept pushing and pushing

00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:32.519
and pushing and going to work and going to school

00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:35.480
and staying up and trying to, you know, manage

00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:41.699
a final and failing miserably. And in my world

00:06:41.699 --> 00:06:44.639
where I kept trying to prove myself to fail was

00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:47.620
the worst thing that could happen. One day I

00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:51.019
was just so sick. I didn't know what was going

00:06:51.019 --> 00:06:54.680
on. My brain was a little fuzzy and I just wanted

00:06:54.680 --> 00:06:58.040
my mom. I took my last five bucks in my pocket

00:06:58.040 --> 00:07:00.759
and filled my truck with some gas and headed

00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:03.660
down this very steep canyon from Logan to Brigham

00:07:03.660 --> 00:07:07.220
City that had no business driving. And all I

00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:09.319
could think about on the way down there, Eric,

00:07:09.319 --> 00:07:16.399
was just what a miserable failure I was. I still

00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:19.699
get a little emotional about it because It was

00:07:19.699 --> 00:07:23.519
such a big part of my identity. I pull up in

00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:25.519
my mother's driveway and I can barely get out

00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:28.740
of my truck and I go to the door of the woman

00:07:28.740 --> 00:07:31.480
that I wanted to please the most. She opened

00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:34.839
the door and she took one look at me. I was completely

00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:37.540
emaciated. I'd lost 30 pounds in three days.

00:07:38.259 --> 00:07:40.740
And she said, we're going to the doctor. And

00:07:40.740 --> 00:07:43.629
she put me right into her car. and rushed me

00:07:43.629 --> 00:07:46.250
off to the doctor's office and luckily was right

00:07:46.250 --> 00:07:49.129
next to the hospital because I collapsed in the

00:07:49.129 --> 00:07:52.089
doctor's office and they rushed me into emergency

00:07:52.089 --> 00:07:55.810
surgery and they had to do exploratory surgery

00:07:55.810 --> 00:07:58.430
to figure out what was going on and they pumped

00:07:58.430 --> 00:08:02.069
out pints and pints of sepsis from my abdominal

00:08:02.069 --> 00:08:06.620
cavity. I was in a lot of trouble. Because I

00:08:06.620 --> 00:08:08.500
was so emaciated, they had to give me what's

00:08:08.500 --> 00:08:11.579
called a subclavian. So they had to put an IV

00:08:11.579 --> 00:08:15.600
in near my heart and pump in all these intravenous

00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:18.420
antibiotics. There was about six or seven and

00:08:18.420 --> 00:08:21.779
I would remember them bringing them in on a whole

00:08:21.779 --> 00:08:24.100
pole and then hooking me up to the wires and

00:08:24.100 --> 00:08:27.060
things. But what nobody knew was that I was allergic

00:08:27.060 --> 00:08:31.060
to one of them. I never had it before. It was

00:08:31.060 --> 00:08:34.279
making it so that it was killing me. So I was

00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:38.000
spiking fevers up to 106, 107. They were getting

00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:40.600
worried about brain damage. There were all the

00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:43.320
things. My mom brought in the priest. I had grown

00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:45.460
up Catholic in a Mormon town in Brigham City

00:08:45.460 --> 00:08:48.600
and she was very worried about me. She stayed

00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:52.139
by my bedside for the longest time and a couple

00:08:52.139 --> 00:08:54.500
days went by and I wasn't getting better. I was

00:08:54.500 --> 00:08:59.840
only getting worse. And then I had befriended.

00:09:00.250 --> 00:09:04.330
Behind the curtain, this faceless woman found

00:09:04.330 --> 00:09:07.870
out her name was Linda, but her husband was reading

00:09:07.870 --> 00:09:11.169
to her from what was called the big book. I recognized

00:09:11.169 --> 00:09:15.210
these words of God. And in my high fevers and

00:09:15.210 --> 00:09:18.490
when I wasn't feeling good and I was reaching

00:09:18.490 --> 00:09:21.830
towards this, I had been through a 12 -step program.

00:09:22.190 --> 00:09:24.289
It was something that had been a light in my

00:09:24.289 --> 00:09:27.190
life. It had reintroduced God into my life. So

00:09:27.190 --> 00:09:30.269
I'm hearing these words. So we talked a little

00:09:30.269 --> 00:09:34.570
bit and then she went in for gallbladder surgery.

00:09:35.250 --> 00:09:38.230
And when she came back, you know, I'm still just

00:09:38.230 --> 00:09:41.970
in my bed and I'm still just dying and she was

00:09:41.970 --> 00:09:45.789
writhing in pain. And her husband and a clergy

00:09:45.789 --> 00:09:49.210
member of their church gave her a blessing, this

00:09:49.210 --> 00:09:51.970
bishop. gave her a blessing and part of it was

00:09:51.970 --> 00:09:55.210
that her body wasn't accepting any pain medication

00:09:55.210 --> 00:09:57.649
and she had that old -fashioned gallbladder surgery

00:09:57.649 --> 00:10:00.990
and she could feel every cut and every stitch

00:10:00.990 --> 00:10:03.909
and I didn't even know that I was empathic but

00:10:03.909 --> 00:10:08.629
I felt her pain in my body and I was hurting

00:10:08.629 --> 00:10:12.929
for her and felt so bad for her and then I heard

00:10:12.929 --> 00:10:16.450
this clergy member he commanded her body to accept

00:10:16.450 --> 00:10:19.879
the medication And it was the craziest thing

00:10:19.879 --> 00:10:21.799
for me to experience from behind the curtain

00:10:21.799 --> 00:10:26.220
because the pain left my body, I heard her sigh,

00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:29.879
and then she fell asleep. And I was like, oh,

00:10:29.879 --> 00:10:32.220
that's wild, but I didn't know what to do with

00:10:32.220 --> 00:10:35.100
it. It didn't have anything to do with my upbringing.

00:10:35.799 --> 00:10:38.679
I thought I might want to become a nun at one

00:10:38.679 --> 00:10:41.120
point, but to be honest, Eric, I didn't feel

00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:45.340
like I was ever worthy enough to be, you know,

00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:49.740
considered and then nothing like that. So later

00:10:49.740 --> 00:10:52.220
on, it was about two o 'clock in the morning.

00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:55.639
And I only know because of Linda, but we were

00:10:55.639 --> 00:10:57.899
listening to nurses outside in the corridor.

00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:00.179
And the one said to the other, I think we better

00:11:00.179 --> 00:11:02.940
call her mom back because she's not going to

00:11:02.940 --> 00:11:07.279
make it until morning. And I just laid there

00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:11.100
recognizing that I was not going to be around

00:11:11.100 --> 00:11:14.799
anymore. And I will tell you that there was this

00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:18.820
deep part of me that had recognized that I had

00:11:18.820 --> 00:11:21.179
not fulfilled the measure of my creation. There

00:11:21.179 --> 00:11:24.759
was something that I came here for, but I didn't

00:11:24.759 --> 00:11:27.419
know what that was. I had no idea what that was.

00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:30.659
But in that moment, hearing them talk about my

00:11:30.659 --> 00:11:34.159
death, I just knew I hadn't done it. So I felt

00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:39.179
this deep sadness, and I reached my heart out

00:11:39.179 --> 00:11:42.360
to God. You know, like, I don't want to die.

00:11:43.760 --> 00:11:47.379
I also felt my mother's intercessory prayers.

00:11:47.940 --> 00:11:50.440
She had been praying her heart out for me that

00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:53.299
I would survive. It was one of those I like to

00:11:53.299 --> 00:11:56.919
call it a Mack truck moment. Never before would

00:11:56.919 --> 00:12:00.059
I have let down my guard enough to go against

00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:05.000
my own religion, but also my own beliefs about

00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:08.039
who God was and what I was worthy of. And I just

00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:11.639
said, hey, can anyone have one of those blessings?

00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:15.860
And she said, yes. And so she called her husband

00:12:15.860 --> 00:12:18.720
right then, and he came down with another gentleman.

00:12:18.759 --> 00:12:22.080
It wasn't a bishop, but they gave me a blessing,

00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:25.620
and the energy of it, the frequency I can now

00:12:25.620 --> 00:12:28.220
say, but at the time I didn't know how to describe

00:12:28.220 --> 00:12:31.399
it, was different than when the priest had given

00:12:31.399 --> 00:12:33.179
me a blessing, and they were both comforting.

00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:37.340
And I just said, thank you. And I fell asleep.

00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:44.480
And when I woke up, My entire hospital room was

00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:48.460
just filled with light. Like it was this brilliant,

00:12:48.899 --> 00:12:51.500
amazing, you know, you've been a producer. So

00:12:51.500 --> 00:12:53.740
you know what a bright, bright white light is,

00:12:53.820 --> 00:12:57.779
is nothing like that. It permeated everything.

00:12:58.299 --> 00:13:02.539
It was so brilliant. It was blinding. And at

00:13:02.539 --> 00:13:06.279
the same time, like I could feel the light in

00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:09.559
my body and I recognized it immediately. It was

00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:12.840
this unconditional love. I was filled with so

00:13:12.840 --> 00:13:15.519
much love, so much joy, so much bliss, and there

00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:18.919
was a figure right in front of me. There was

00:13:18.919 --> 00:13:21.820
another light -filled being over in the corner,

00:13:22.259 --> 00:13:24.259
but I hardly even paid attention to him because

00:13:24.259 --> 00:13:29.740
this being right here, I knew him. And his eyes,

00:13:30.500 --> 00:13:33.759
oh my gosh, his eyes, they were filled so much

00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:37.159
compassion. and so much love and he didn't care

00:13:37.159 --> 00:13:39.779
what debt I was in. He didn't care how lousy

00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:42.080
my grades were. He didn't care about my love

00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:44.379
life and everything that I had screwed up. He

00:13:44.379 --> 00:13:47.559
didn't care about, you know, the mistakes that

00:13:47.559 --> 00:13:51.299
I had made with my parents. He didn't care about

00:13:51.299 --> 00:13:55.100
any of those things. He just, he loved me for

00:13:55.100 --> 00:13:59.320
me. And I could feel that love permeating everything

00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:03.029
in the room. It was like... A scripture came

00:14:03.029 --> 00:14:05.730
to me later about how the rocks and the stones

00:14:05.730 --> 00:14:08.750
themselves, you know, would sing his praise.

00:14:09.090 --> 00:14:14.370
Like my skin was vibrating with his love. My

00:14:14.370 --> 00:14:18.450
metal tray table, I'll never forget. Like I could

00:14:18.450 --> 00:14:22.750
see it vibrating in his presence. Every atom

00:14:22.750 --> 00:14:26.850
was excited to be in his presence. And I knew

00:14:26.850 --> 00:14:30.570
why, like I knew him. And I was so grateful.

00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:36.120
to be with him. And it was like, it was like

00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:38.840
I had been living in a thimble. And all of a

00:14:38.840 --> 00:14:42.659
sudden, all the universe was open to me in his

00:14:42.659 --> 00:14:47.080
eyes. It was the most extraordinary thing. And

00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:50.659
he told me I was being given a second chance

00:14:50.659 --> 00:14:55.100
at life. I can't even tell you the joy that I

00:14:55.100 --> 00:15:00.309
felt in being able to have a do -over. My round

00:15:00.309 --> 00:15:04.649
trip, right, to be able to do this was extraordinary.

00:15:05.769 --> 00:15:09.690
And I fell asleep. For the first time, my fever

00:15:09.690 --> 00:15:12.809
went down and stayed down. Early in the morning,

00:15:12.850 --> 00:15:14.649
they wake you up and they're bringing in more

00:15:14.649 --> 00:15:17.169
into intravenous antibiotics. And I looked at

00:15:17.169 --> 00:15:20.509
the nurse and I had never been one to go against

00:15:20.509 --> 00:15:23.470
authority ever in my life. But I looked at the

00:15:23.470 --> 00:15:25.970
nurse and I said, hey, I can have every single

00:15:25.970 --> 00:15:29.639
one of these, but I cannot have this one. Cannot

00:15:29.639 --> 00:15:31.720
have this one and she says what do you mean?

00:15:32.120 --> 00:15:34.580
This is the only thing saving your life We thought

00:15:34.580 --> 00:15:37.080
we were gonna lose you last night. You have to

00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:39.659
be on these and I've said not this one. It's

00:15:39.659 --> 00:15:42.779
killing me so she goes racing off to tell the

00:15:42.779 --> 00:15:45.379
doctor that you know, I'm a french fry shy of

00:15:45.379 --> 00:15:50.000
a happy meal and I was really blessed because

00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:53.570
I had a doctor who'd had other patients with

00:15:53.570 --> 00:15:55.789
near -death experiences. I didn't know that's

00:15:55.789 --> 00:15:58.850
what it was called, but he said, well, it doesn't

00:15:58.850 --> 00:16:01.250
matter. She's on all the rest of these. We'll

00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:04.389
take her off this one and see how she does. And

00:16:04.389 --> 00:16:07.230
the next day, on my own power, I walked out of

00:16:07.230 --> 00:16:11.450
the hospital and I would never forget the love

00:16:11.450 --> 00:16:15.789
that I felt. Never forget how I was changed,

00:16:16.169 --> 00:16:20.669
how I was reborn, how I was made whole and different.

00:16:21.520 --> 00:16:26.639
Definitely not perfect. I have made so many mistakes

00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:29.940
in my lifetime. And I will tell you that I had

00:16:29.940 --> 00:16:34.620
a recent spiritual experience where he told me

00:16:34.620 --> 00:16:39.559
a very uncomfortable truth. He said, ever since

00:16:39.559 --> 00:16:41.899
that day in the hospital, you have been lying

00:16:41.899 --> 00:16:45.419
to yourself about my love. And I'm like, what

00:16:45.419 --> 00:16:48.120
are you talking? No, I haven't. No, I haven't.

00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:51.809
He says, yes, you have. He said, I came to you

00:16:51.809 --> 00:16:55.789
with this unconditional love. And he said, you

00:16:55.789 --> 00:16:58.710
told yourself there must have been something

00:16:58.710 --> 00:17:03.509
worth saving. And you have set out to prove that

00:17:03.509 --> 00:17:07.450
to yourself ever since. And I didn't realize

00:17:07.450 --> 00:17:11.490
that that had become my impetus before I wanted

00:17:11.490 --> 00:17:14.369
to be worthy of love. Then I knew that I was

00:17:14.369 --> 00:17:16.789
worthy of his love, except I wanted to prove

00:17:16.789 --> 00:17:22.859
it. crazy what our human egos will do even in

00:17:22.859 --> 00:17:25.380
the presence of something so beautiful. And I

00:17:25.380 --> 00:17:29.359
think that's a good lesson in what exactly unconditional

00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:32.420
love is. When we use that term and it gets thrown

00:17:32.420 --> 00:17:36.599
around like whatever but it really means something.

00:17:36.720 --> 00:17:39.599
So what did you learn that unconditional love

00:17:39.599 --> 00:17:42.660
really means? I learned I could be sitting on

00:17:42.660 --> 00:17:45.640
the couch eating bonbons and watching TV and

00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:49.460
he would love me just as much. And in my mind,

00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:53.140
I couldn't even put that together. It was like,

00:17:53.460 --> 00:17:56.759
well, how could that be? Because that's not fulfilling

00:17:56.759 --> 00:17:59.099
the measure of my creation, right? Like that's

00:17:59.099 --> 00:18:03.259
just, that would be a waste is what I felt in

00:18:03.259 --> 00:18:07.240
my mind. And his love came in again, so strong.

00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:13.500
And it was just the truth of it, of the love

00:18:13.500 --> 00:18:17.500
around. the choices, how important our choices

00:18:17.500 --> 00:18:21.900
are. And I'm the one who wants to fulfill the

00:18:21.900 --> 00:18:26.339
measure of my creation, but I am His creation.

00:18:26.779 --> 00:18:32.160
And He loves me just as I am, just as I am. Like

00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:37.579
I still get so emotional in remembering the love

00:18:37.579 --> 00:18:41.440
in His eyes. There was there was no condemnation.

00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:44.819
There was no retribution There was none of the

00:18:44.819 --> 00:18:47.200
the things that I thought God and Jesus would

00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:51.039
talk to me about when I met them again You know,

00:18:51.099 --> 00:18:54.799
there was nothing like that. It was all just

00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:58.579
this like You know the the delight that you feel

00:18:58.579 --> 00:19:01.220
when when you've well, you wouldn't know about

00:19:01.220 --> 00:19:04.259
giving birth to a baby But you would know with

00:19:04.259 --> 00:19:06.579
your gaggle of daughters and your son. When you

00:19:06.579 --> 00:19:09.960
hold that child and you look in their eyes and

00:19:09.960 --> 00:19:14.880
they look at you and you have this outpouring

00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:17.400
and it doesn't matter what they would ever do.

00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:20.359
You would never stop loving them. Those words

00:19:20.359 --> 00:19:23.920
are paltry compared to what I felt in his eyes,

00:19:23.980 --> 00:19:27.960
in his presence. And so now I just seek to be

00:19:27.960 --> 00:19:32.220
that wherever I go as much as I can in my very

00:19:32.220 --> 00:19:36.769
human frail Sometimes really stupid form. I just

00:19:36.769 --> 00:19:40.269
love to be that love and show that to people

00:19:40.269 --> 00:19:44.210
and it's really not even a showing it's a It's

00:19:44.210 --> 00:19:48.490
an embodying. It's a Recognizing the gift of

00:19:48.490 --> 00:19:52.769
every presence, you know, I remember just within

00:19:52.769 --> 00:19:57.309
several months after this I I got married I Got

00:19:57.309 --> 00:19:59.750
pregnant and I was told I'd never have children

00:19:59.750 --> 00:20:02.690
because of how messed up my entire abdominal

00:20:02.859 --> 00:20:05.640
System and cavity, you know, I had issues and

00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:10.579
and I had fissures in my colon and it just spread

00:20:10.579 --> 00:20:13.720
everywhere that sepsis and I had. Several things

00:20:13.720 --> 00:20:17.000
that happened afterwards and topic pregnancy

00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:20.099
and and some other things, but here I was I was

00:20:20.099 --> 00:20:24.359
pregnant and it was going to be okay. I was going

00:20:24.359 --> 00:20:28.640
to be able to give birth. And so I was just overjoyed

00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:31.119
that not only was I going to live, but I was

00:20:31.119 --> 00:20:34.059
also going to be able to be part of this process

00:20:34.059 --> 00:20:38.140
of giving birth to a new creation. And just how

00:20:38.140 --> 00:20:41.839
incredible that was. And I gave birth to her.

00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:44.720
Her name was Brianna. She now goes by Raven,

00:20:44.940 --> 00:20:48.319
but I'm holding this miracle child in my hands,

00:20:48.339 --> 00:20:51.990
in my arms. holding her and just recognizing,

00:20:51.990 --> 00:20:55.950
you know, what a miracle life is. Before this,

00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:58.990
you know, I just, that avid student, I was going

00:20:58.990 --> 00:21:01.170
to go to Washington. I wanted to be an envoy

00:21:01.170 --> 00:21:04.289
at the Capitol. I was taking Russian, although

00:21:04.289 --> 00:21:06.970
I was failing at the time. But there were all

00:21:06.970 --> 00:21:09.230
these things that I wanted, you know, to prove

00:21:09.230 --> 00:21:13.329
myself. When I held her, it was like, oh, what

00:21:13.329 --> 00:21:16.650
can I do in the world that's different? What

00:21:16.650 --> 00:21:19.670
can I do in the world and still be with her?

00:21:20.309 --> 00:21:23.089
And so one of the things I'd always loved was

00:21:23.089 --> 00:21:26.210
writing and books and other things. And I would

00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:28.769
take her to the gym with me when I would go to

00:21:28.769 --> 00:21:31.490
work out. And she got to be around these other

00:21:31.490 --> 00:21:33.890
children, which she delighted in. And I would

00:21:33.890 --> 00:21:39.430
work out. At the YWCA, there were these young

00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:42.650
kids that were high -risk youth that were brought

00:21:42.650 --> 00:21:45.190
in by a place called Community Learning Centers.

00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:48.859
And I could see the story that I had told myself

00:21:48.859 --> 00:21:52.680
for so long about, you know, the big people would

00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:56.240
always leave. I could see those stories in their

00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.779
eyes. I could see the way that they looked at

00:21:59.779 --> 00:22:03.700
the world and it was in a box. And, you know,

00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:06.000
talking to them and asking them questions and

00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:08.940
being curious about their lives. And, you know,

00:22:09.119 --> 00:22:11.660
mom and dad are gang members and grandma, grandpa.

00:22:12.299 --> 00:22:16.339
And they were many of these kids so immersed

00:22:16.339 --> 00:22:19.500
in gang life that it was like a religion to them.

00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:23.240
It was all they knew. Someone recognized my ability

00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:27.700
to draw stories from the kids and hired me to

00:22:27.700 --> 00:22:30.779
be a consultant to write some of their stories,

00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:32.880
especially the ones that were turning the corner,

00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:36.380
the ones who decided that they didn't, you know,

00:22:36.500 --> 00:22:38.599
maybe out of everyone in their whole family,

00:22:39.079 --> 00:22:40.819
that they were going to take a different path.

00:22:41.130 --> 00:22:44.309
And Eric, I just fell in love with the human

00:22:44.309 --> 00:22:47.930
soul. I got to see how important these choices

00:22:47.930 --> 00:22:51.049
are that we make, but especially the stories

00:22:51.049 --> 00:22:54.329
that we tell ourselves, they're the most important

00:22:54.329 --> 00:22:58.490
stories. We might be bombarded by social media

00:22:58.490 --> 00:23:01.869
and parents and other people who tell us stories,

00:23:02.390 --> 00:23:05.069
but the most important stories are the ones that

00:23:05.069 --> 00:23:08.710
we decide about ourselves. And so I've been able

00:23:08.710 --> 00:23:13.170
to watch that unfold and then also see what happens

00:23:13.170 --> 00:23:16.230
when we say, I made these mistakes, but I can

00:23:16.230 --> 00:23:19.809
write a new chapter. I can do something different.

00:23:20.089 --> 00:23:23.509
That's when I began this writing journey. And

00:23:23.509 --> 00:23:28.269
I feel like every time I am privileged enough

00:23:28.269 --> 00:23:32.309
to sit before someone else and hear their story,

00:23:32.730 --> 00:23:37.289
that I get a sense of what God sees. of what

00:23:37.289 --> 00:23:40.509
a magnificent creation every single one of us

00:23:40.509 --> 00:23:44.450
is, all the opportunities that we have as we're

00:23:44.450 --> 00:23:47.750
here on the planet. It's incredible the opportunities

00:23:47.750 --> 00:23:51.869
of growth that we have here. I used to think

00:23:51.869 --> 00:23:54.890
of this place as a test and it was either pass

00:23:54.890 --> 00:23:58.769
or fail and I was failing. And then I began to

00:23:58.769 --> 00:24:01.710
see that this is a place of learning. and how

00:24:01.710 --> 00:24:04.250
extraordinary that every single morning you and

00:24:04.250 --> 00:24:06.670
I woke up early this morning going, oh, rather

00:24:06.670 --> 00:24:09.569
go back to bed for a little bit. But also the

00:24:09.569 --> 00:24:13.150
opportunity for us to talk today, for us to share

00:24:13.150 --> 00:24:16.589
experiences and discussions about our kids and

00:24:16.589 --> 00:24:20.450
just the beauty of what is possible in each one

00:24:20.450 --> 00:24:25.640
of us. Wow. I'm glad I got up early. The wisdom

00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:28.980
is just oozing out of you. I have to admit I

00:24:28.980 --> 00:24:32.160
got a little stuck on the TV and bonbons because

00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:36.400
to me that's not a bad day. But if you don't

00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:39.839
mind, let's go back and talk a little bit more

00:24:39.839 --> 00:24:42.420
detail about the near -death experience itself.

00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:45.799
I want to see if we can draw just a little bit

00:24:45.799 --> 00:24:48.519
more out of it. And what a beautiful experience,

00:24:48.539 --> 00:24:52.579
by the way. How it changed your life is amazing.

00:24:53.150 --> 00:24:57.029
I wanted to clarify one thing. A lot of people

00:24:57.029 --> 00:25:00.390
that I meet with have an experience where they

00:25:00.390 --> 00:25:04.549
feel like their spirit of who they are leaves

00:25:04.549 --> 00:25:07.869
their body and has some kind of journey either

00:25:07.869 --> 00:25:12.490
to a place or maybe up near the ceiling in the

00:25:12.490 --> 00:25:15.930
hospital room looking down. Did you have that

00:25:15.930 --> 00:25:19.789
experience or were you in your body in your bed

00:25:19.789 --> 00:25:23.200
the whole time? I was in my body, but I will

00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:26.240
tell you he gave me what I would like to call

00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:29.440
a brief glimpse. Now I've read many other people's

00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:31.440
experiences and mine was different than that.

00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:35.259
I didn't travel anywhere. What I got to see was,

00:25:35.779 --> 00:25:40.539
I got to see him looking at me and me looking

00:25:40.539 --> 00:25:45.130
at him and I was above. So I got to have this

00:25:45.130 --> 00:25:48.329
experience of this witness if that makes sense

00:25:48.329 --> 00:25:51.970
of me me staring into his eyes and him looking

00:25:51.970 --> 00:25:58.190
at me and When I was there it was like that same

00:25:58.190 --> 00:26:01.869
experience of looking in his eyes and I was able

00:26:01.869 --> 00:26:06.789
to see universes like complexities of space and

00:26:06.789 --> 00:26:10.329
time I felt like I I knew everything I felt like

00:26:11.029 --> 00:26:13.690
Like He was giving me the gift of the mind of

00:26:13.690 --> 00:26:18.609
God to understand everything. And, you know,

00:26:18.609 --> 00:26:21.289
when I woke up the next morning, I was so frustrated

00:26:21.289 --> 00:26:25.349
because I didn't have that anymore. But I just

00:26:25.349 --> 00:26:29.509
remember, you know, in that moment, me watching

00:26:29.509 --> 00:26:33.869
Him watching me and it's so hard to put into

00:26:33.869 --> 00:26:38.009
words all the colors, all the cosmos, all the

00:26:38.009 --> 00:26:44.220
stars, all the all the life. It was like this

00:26:44.220 --> 00:26:48.039
breathing organism was the entire universe. It

00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:53.000
was all of creation and it was what I saw in

00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:56.460
His eyes when I woke up and He was right there

00:26:56.460 --> 00:27:02.019
and I knew Him. You keep saying He and Him. What's

00:27:02.019 --> 00:27:09.009
His name? Jesus. Can I call Him my Jesus? Because

00:27:09.009 --> 00:27:13.529
the it was so personal it was so different from

00:27:13.529 --> 00:27:15.849
Just the knowledge and the understanding that

00:27:15.849 --> 00:27:18.990
I had as a child when I longed for him You know

00:27:18.990 --> 00:27:21.990
when I? My dad was a deacon in the Catholic Church

00:27:21.990 --> 00:27:23.950
and my mom would bring in converts to the church

00:27:23.950 --> 00:27:26.029
and they were often busy with people and you

00:27:26.029 --> 00:27:27.710
know my little brother and I would play around

00:27:27.710 --> 00:27:29.450
the churches and stuff but sometimes I would

00:27:29.450 --> 00:27:34.549
just sneak into The church itself and I would

00:27:34.549 --> 00:27:38.200
I would kneel you know in a pew but at the foot

00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:42.119
of the cross and I would long for him but he

00:27:42.119 --> 00:27:45.839
was this thing that was that was not a thing

00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:50.619
but he was this this presence this this unknowable

00:27:50.619 --> 00:27:53.799
person that I longed for this this son of god

00:27:53.799 --> 00:27:57.869
this creator He was unknowable to me as a child,

00:27:57.970 --> 00:28:00.569
except when I was outside, except when I was

00:28:00.569 --> 00:28:04.210
among the trees and the flowers and the grass,

00:28:04.769 --> 00:28:09.529
and I felt close to Him there. And then when

00:28:09.529 --> 00:28:14.089
He was across from me, He was all of life. And

00:28:14.089 --> 00:28:18.670
I call Him my Jesus because He knew me. He knew

00:28:18.670 --> 00:28:22.569
every hair on my head, every sin I'd ever...

00:28:22.700 --> 00:28:25.960
Committed but he also knew my every joy and my

00:28:25.960 --> 00:28:29.119
every laughter my every book I'd ever read my

00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:33.900
the key he looked at me with Just he knew everything

00:28:33.900 --> 00:28:36.700
and there was nothing to hide There was nothing

00:28:36.700 --> 00:28:40.319
to hide from him. Like I was embarrassed of my

00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:44.480
life circumstances For not even a split second

00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:47.819
The love was so consuming that all of that didn't

00:28:47.819 --> 00:28:50.440
matter and I can tell you that that is the thing

00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:54.279
that has stayed with me for so long as all of

00:28:54.279 --> 00:28:57.619
that didn't matter. So even when I make mistakes

00:28:57.619 --> 00:29:00.799
in life, when my budget is not as strong as I

00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:03.339
would like it to be, when maybe I've given away

00:29:03.339 --> 00:29:06.900
the farm for too long or whatever it might be,

00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:11.200
money for me, physical trappings have little

00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.720
to do with what I felt in that room for Him and

00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:20.720
from Him. I love the moniker of my Jesus. I like

00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:24.859
that a lot. You very briefly mentioned another

00:29:24.859 --> 00:29:28.099
being in the room. Tell me about that. I will

00:29:28.099 --> 00:29:31.619
tell you if Jesus wasn't right there I would

00:29:31.619 --> 00:29:34.460
have been so attracted to this being as well

00:29:34.460 --> 00:29:37.880
because he was just so bright and So beautiful.

00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:41.279
It's so powerful powerful is definitely a word

00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:45.500
that I would use Was later when I was doing some

00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:49.099
some study and all of a sudden it was like oh

00:29:49.099 --> 00:29:52.450
my goodness That was Archangel Michael. It was

00:29:52.450 --> 00:29:56.089
like that immediate knowing just like when I

00:29:56.089 --> 00:29:59.329
had been in front of Christ and he was looking

00:29:59.329 --> 00:30:01.970
at me. It was this immediate knowing that that

00:30:01.970 --> 00:30:06.369
was Archangel Michael. And I will tell you that,

00:30:06.710 --> 00:30:11.569
gosh, it's hard to put into words. Magnificent

00:30:11.569 --> 00:30:16.029
protector comes to mind, which is so interesting

00:30:16.029 --> 00:30:19.420
because my Jesus did not need a protector. but

00:30:19.420 --> 00:30:23.799
there was still this presence. And I can't tell

00:30:23.799 --> 00:30:27.039
you too much more than that because there were

00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:30.480
other things that came later that helped me understand

00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:33.259
who He was and why He was there. But in the moment,

00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:36.220
I didn't know. I was just like, wow, that's cool.

00:30:36.980 --> 00:30:40.920
And my Jesus is right here. Yeah, you got the

00:30:40.920 --> 00:30:44.180
extra cool. Okay, my Jesus. Tell me about His

00:30:44.180 --> 00:30:48.119
eyes. You said you looked into His eyes. Oh my

00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:56.880
gosh. There is not a color on earth that can

00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:01.759
describe everything that I saw in his eyes. They

00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:06.019
were like this beautiful blue with purple and

00:31:06.019 --> 00:31:09.400
again I saw universes. I saw all these things

00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:13.319
in his eyes and the colors beyond description

00:31:13.319 --> 00:31:18.519
just so alive and so full of love. just so much

00:31:18.519 --> 00:31:22.259
love and compassion and I wish there were words.

00:31:22.339 --> 00:31:27.539
I'm a wordsmith and I am a voracious reader and

00:31:27.539 --> 00:31:29.920
I love words and I love descriptions and I love

00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:34.279
other things but I am often so at a loss to describe

00:31:34.279 --> 00:31:39.559
just how incredible those eyes. I knew him. I

00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:43.619
knew him. If you were an artist you could paint

00:31:43.619 --> 00:31:47.509
them maybe. Feel like I am an artist with words

00:31:47.509 --> 00:31:53.809
and I feel like I still shy from the the gloriousness

00:31:53.809 --> 00:31:57.089
there is a She's probably a woman now, but was

00:31:57.089 --> 00:32:01.430
a child painter of Jesus she is the closest I

00:32:01.430 --> 00:32:05.630
have ever seen to anyone that has been able to

00:32:05.630 --> 00:32:10.529
portray his eyes and his light and his compassion.

00:32:10.910 --> 00:32:13.490
I was really intrigued with her paintings. When

00:32:13.490 --> 00:32:16.230
I first saw them, I was like, wow, someday I

00:32:16.230 --> 00:32:19.890
will have one and put it on my wall. This is

00:32:19.890 --> 00:32:22.210
just reminding me the fact that you're a wordsmith

00:32:22.210 --> 00:32:25.210
and don't have all the words. One of the artists

00:32:25.210 --> 00:32:30.130
that I've had on the show tried to paint not

00:32:30.130 --> 00:32:34.230
so much him, but the things that he saw in heaven

00:32:34.230 --> 00:32:39.039
as he had a visit to. And he said there was a

00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:43.680
problem because those colors, they're not in

00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:47.240
my palette. I could not mix up the colors that

00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:52.259
I saw there. So it's okay that you don't have

00:32:52.259 --> 00:32:54.319
all the words because he didn't have all the

00:32:54.319 --> 00:32:59.180
colors of the paint either. But I'm going to

00:32:59.180 --> 00:33:01.740
make it even harder for you now to try to explain

00:33:01.740 --> 00:33:05.319
more with words. Please try to explain the love.

00:33:06.119 --> 00:33:09.539
We've talked about the unconditionality. Let's

00:33:09.539 --> 00:33:12.700
let's dig deeper than that. I told you about

00:33:12.700 --> 00:33:14.960
the vibration because that's one of the ways

00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:22.119
that I can describe it. My cells in my body responded

00:33:22.119 --> 00:33:26.279
in incredible joy. Like just his very presence

00:33:26.279 --> 00:33:33.099
was so amazing. Bliss and and joy and and it

00:33:33.099 --> 00:33:36.400
so was really beautiful because there was a I

00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:38.460
don't know with the recognition of him, with

00:33:38.460 --> 00:33:41.059
the witness of him that I, you know, that was

00:33:41.059 --> 00:33:44.119
such a gift, but this, this, there was a back

00:33:44.119 --> 00:33:47.539
and forth, you know, um, and my lips didn't move

00:33:47.539 --> 00:33:49.259
and his lips didn't move, but we were having

00:33:49.259 --> 00:33:52.880
conversation mostly about this, this second chance

00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:59.299
and this love. It is, see this word, the words

00:33:59.299 --> 00:34:05.470
fail me again. It was active. It was. everything

00:34:05.470 --> 00:34:11.610
that He was and is and embodies. It is why it's

00:34:11.610 --> 00:34:14.570
the very first thing that would come to my mind

00:34:14.570 --> 00:34:19.010
to describe besides light. It's an expansiveness.

00:34:19.829 --> 00:34:27.329
It's a... And my words again. Remember when I

00:34:27.329 --> 00:34:29.530
said about like living in a thimble and then

00:34:29.530 --> 00:34:32.820
all of a sudden... I think the love that I had

00:34:32.820 --> 00:34:36.239
experienced and I had incredible adoptive parents

00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:42.579
that they were so loving and very open and non

00:34:42.579 --> 00:34:45.199
-judgmental in their own ways the best they could

00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:49.139
be as humans and all the love that I had ever

00:34:49.139 --> 00:34:51.820
experienced in the world which was quite a bit

00:34:51.820 --> 00:34:54.619
from many different people but it was like this

00:34:54.619 --> 00:34:59.780
thimble compared to his universes his expansiveness

00:34:59.780 --> 00:35:05.260
of love it had no bounds it had no darkness in

00:35:05.260 --> 00:35:10.480
it it had no judgment it had only truth and light

00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:15.099
it was full of joy like he was full of joy looking

00:35:15.099 --> 00:35:18.860
at me that's why I was like I hadn't not had

00:35:18.860 --> 00:35:22.320
that I had not had Been in the presence of someone

00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:25.780
who didn't care about all my foibles and my mistakes

00:35:25.780 --> 00:35:27.920
and everything else It was usually like, you

00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:30.480
know, get your crap together girl. This wasn't

00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:33.179
a get your crap together girl at all this was

00:35:33.179 --> 00:35:37.159
a You are mine and you are delightful and I love

00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:42.320
you. He was blissful in that recognition of one

00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:46.079
of his creations and When I see other creations,

00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:51.590
I recognize that like how beautiful This soul,

00:35:51.730 --> 00:35:55.170
this child that gets to decide for herself, that

00:35:55.170 --> 00:35:59.329
gets to make choices, that gets to make mistakes

00:35:59.329 --> 00:36:03.329
and learn and make decisions and choose to love

00:36:03.329 --> 00:36:08.130
and choose to err and all of these things. I

00:36:08.130 --> 00:36:11.269
still have never experienced anything like it,

00:36:11.389 --> 00:36:14.610
but sometimes I witness it in other people's

00:36:14.610 --> 00:36:18.550
eyes and I'm always looking, even in the hard

00:36:18.550 --> 00:36:21.949
stuff. I've written some really hard books about

00:36:21.949 --> 00:36:24.190
former skinheads and the daughter of a serial

00:36:24.190 --> 00:36:27.829
killer and the woman who was the 19th wife of

00:36:27.829 --> 00:36:31.389
65 women. You know, there's been a lot of darkness

00:36:31.389 --> 00:36:36.610
in their lives. I have the opportunity to look

00:36:36.610 --> 00:36:39.630
for light in the eyes of Warren Jeffs, to look

00:36:39.630 --> 00:36:42.929
for light in the eyes of Keith Underjusper and

00:36:42.929 --> 00:36:46.650
the happy face serial killer, to look for the

00:36:46.650 --> 00:36:51.329
creation that we all are and that I have come

00:36:51.329 --> 00:36:56.530
to realize he loves so much. I think that recognition,

00:36:56.530 --> 00:37:00.789
it blew away a lot of my prejudices and I felt

00:37:00.789 --> 00:37:03.300
like I grew up prejudiced against prejudiced

00:37:03.300 --> 00:37:06.159
people. I felt like I grew up in a very open

00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:08.880
family and very open, you know, to people of

00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:11.260
all different backgrounds, face, walks of life,

00:37:11.380 --> 00:37:16.480
loves, skin colors, religions, etc. He blew away

00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.139
all of those parameters. And it's still funny

00:37:20.139 --> 00:37:22.440
today, Eric, because whenever I hold a judgment,

00:37:22.579 --> 00:37:26.639
he'll send me a story. And then I get away from

00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:29.579
another human and I get to break down my walls

00:37:29.579 --> 00:37:33.530
again. Yeah, that's awesome. A couple more things

00:37:33.530 --> 00:37:37.170
before we wrap up here. One, you've had an experience

00:37:37.170 --> 00:37:40.570
that most humans haven't. What has that done

00:37:40.570 --> 00:37:44.170
for your level of fear in the future? I often

00:37:44.170 --> 00:37:46.329
ask people, how much fear of death do you have?

00:37:47.289 --> 00:37:51.630
So how about you, Bridget? My fear of death is

00:37:51.630 --> 00:37:54.889
only have I fulfilled the measure of my creation

00:37:54.889 --> 00:37:59.110
and now... After that recent experience, it's

00:37:59.110 --> 00:38:03.250
less about the doing to prove and it's more about

00:38:03.250 --> 00:38:06.869
am I Experiencing like what I came here to experience

00:38:06.869 --> 00:38:10.329
in this physical body where I have certain limitations

00:38:10.329 --> 00:38:14.530
and also have incredible opportunities and choices

00:38:14.530 --> 00:38:18.030
I Lost my train of thought and that rarely happens,

00:38:18.190 --> 00:38:20.769
but I was I was going into something. So please

00:38:20.769 --> 00:38:24.090
and again scale of 1 to 10 How much fear of death

00:38:24.090 --> 00:38:29.320
do you have? Oh, so of dying itself, none. Just

00:38:29.320 --> 00:38:33.059
living before I die. That motivates me every

00:38:33.059 --> 00:38:35.340
day to have new adventures, meet new people,

00:38:35.500 --> 00:38:38.280
have experiences, be as much of his love on the

00:38:38.280 --> 00:38:41.679
planet as I can be before I go. And then I will

00:38:41.679 --> 00:38:44.860
also, I would like to add a caveat because, you

00:38:44.860 --> 00:38:48.440
know, especially since COVID, in our everyday

00:38:48.440 --> 00:38:51.190
world, there's been a lot of darkness. There's

00:38:51.190 --> 00:38:53.650
been a lot of fighting. There's been a lot of

00:38:53.650 --> 00:38:57.889
anger and sides and divisions and and other things.

00:38:57.889 --> 00:38:59.889
And there have been a lot of people who have

00:38:59.889 --> 00:39:03.809
been losing hope. And I've been asked to, you

00:39:03.809 --> 00:39:07.550
know, do you see death and destruction and Armageddon

00:39:07.550 --> 00:39:09.769
and all these things? And I've heard that there

00:39:09.769 --> 00:39:12.309
are others who have have seen that. I don't think

00:39:12.309 --> 00:39:16.429
very many. I will tell you this. I came away

00:39:16.429 --> 00:39:20.469
from that experience recognizing that God and

00:39:20.469 --> 00:39:26.349
my Jesus have ultimate faith in humankind. When

00:39:26.349 --> 00:39:30.130
I went back to my studies and I was reading about

00:39:30.130 --> 00:39:33.750
the Renaissance, when I read about the aftermath

00:39:33.750 --> 00:39:37.449
of wars, when people came together, when I saw

00:39:37.449 --> 00:39:43.829
firsthand 9 -11 and I saw the horror, but also

00:39:43.829 --> 00:39:47.559
the way that people came together. And it was

00:39:47.559 --> 00:39:50.320
almost as if I could hear the collective prayers

00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:55.059
of a nation. We have a unique ability to come

00:39:55.059 --> 00:39:59.480
back from any level of darkness. God has ultimate

00:39:59.480 --> 00:40:03.079
faith in us. And it's just time for us to have

00:40:03.079 --> 00:40:05.840
faith in ourselves and to begin to act accordingly

00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.760
and to certainly begin acting with a lot more

00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:14.750
love. Last thing, you had mentioned I'm trying

00:40:14.750 --> 00:40:18.769
to remember how you put it now. Something about

00:40:18.769 --> 00:40:22.489
if we could see everybody the way Jesus sees

00:40:22.489 --> 00:40:27.070
them. And you gave examples of murders and horrible

00:40:27.070 --> 00:40:32.130
things like that. How can we? Well, let's do

00:40:32.130 --> 00:40:34.849
this. Leave us with some kind of a message of

00:40:34.849 --> 00:40:40.030
hope and instruction on how we can all see each

00:40:40.030 --> 00:40:44.739
other that way. Would I be allowed to share something

00:40:44.739 --> 00:40:47.920
when my dad came back to me from the other side?

00:40:48.519 --> 00:40:53.699
Of course. I was in a meditation and all of a

00:40:53.699 --> 00:40:59.639
sudden I was gone. And my father came and he's

00:40:59.639 --> 00:41:02.159
dressed in a tux and he just has this big grin

00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:05.340
on his face. And he was younger than when I had

00:41:05.340 --> 00:41:08.159
seen him last. His hair was darker and his mustache

00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:12.539
was darker. Big grin on his face. And on his

00:41:12.539 --> 00:41:16.019
arm is my grandfather, my grandmother. This is

00:41:16.019 --> 00:41:19.440
my mother's mother. It's really fascinating because

00:41:19.440 --> 00:41:21.900
there's a story between those two that when my

00:41:21.900 --> 00:41:25.239
father married my mother and then they decided

00:41:25.239 --> 00:41:28.400
to come to Utah, she was angry with him because

00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:31.019
he was taking her and her two grandchildren away

00:41:31.019 --> 00:41:35.389
from Michigan to this heathen land of Utah. and

00:41:35.389 --> 00:41:37.710
she took down their wedding photo and put my

00:41:37.710 --> 00:41:40.010
mother's graduation picture back up on her mantle.

00:41:40.190 --> 00:41:44.170
So there was some friction between the two during

00:41:44.170 --> 00:41:47.630
their lifetime. But my grandmother came to live

00:41:47.630 --> 00:41:50.429
with us for a while before she passed, and I

00:41:50.429 --> 00:41:52.530
think they were able to make it up. But here's

00:41:52.530 --> 00:41:56.630
my dad showing me. right, showing me. So they're,

00:41:56.630 --> 00:41:58.889
they're big band dancing and my grandfather's

00:41:58.889 --> 00:42:00.929
off to the side. He's still wearing a tux as

00:42:00.929 --> 00:42:03.349
well. And my grandmother was dressed to the nines

00:42:03.349 --> 00:42:07.269
and they're dancing. And my father said, the

00:42:07.269 --> 00:42:11.289
games we play in life. And then, then he showed

00:42:11.289 --> 00:42:14.489
me this, this beautiful prayer that I've been

00:42:14.489 --> 00:42:17.829
saying, which was, father, let me see through

00:42:17.829 --> 00:42:22.489
your eyes and hear with your ears and feel with

00:42:22.489 --> 00:42:25.599
your heart. and when prompted, speak with your

00:42:25.599 --> 00:42:29.860
words. Let me have experience of you when I'm

00:42:29.860 --> 00:42:32.360
viewing the world and people." And he showed

00:42:32.360 --> 00:42:35.300
me this great light that was surrounding me and

00:42:35.300 --> 00:42:38.159
it was, it felt like that light in the hospital

00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:42.199
room. It was beautiful. It was a living intention.

00:42:42.440 --> 00:42:46.380
It was gorgeous and I was very humbled. But then

00:42:46.380 --> 00:42:50.639
Eric, there was a black wall and it was shocking.

00:42:51.309 --> 00:42:54.070
compared to this light and I was like, what is

00:42:54.070 --> 00:42:57.650
that? And he said, look behind it. So I was able

00:42:57.650 --> 00:43:00.190
to peer up and behind it and behind that wall

00:43:00.190 --> 00:43:04.230
was Keith Hunter Jespersen, the happy face serial

00:43:04.230 --> 00:43:07.769
killer in his prison cell. And my father said,

00:43:08.869 --> 00:43:11.889
how much light and love do you think he gets

00:43:11.889 --> 00:43:15.929
behind those prison walls? And I realized I had

00:43:15.929 --> 00:43:19.070
never hated this man. I was a little fascinated

00:43:19.070 --> 00:43:23.079
by him. but I had been angry at him for what

00:43:23.079 --> 00:43:27.500
he had done to my friend Melissa. I was angry

00:43:27.500 --> 00:43:31.440
with him for the way that he would psychologically

00:43:31.440 --> 00:43:35.340
twist his daughter's life around. And I had not

00:43:35.340 --> 00:43:39.760
forgiven him, nor had I done one thing. I saw

00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:44.420
that I had withheld my love in my judgment of

00:43:44.420 --> 00:43:48.320
him. And I can't say that I pour out gallons

00:43:48.320 --> 00:43:51.300
to him every single day, but I do look at him

00:43:51.300 --> 00:43:55.219
as a child of God now. And I wish for him the

00:43:55.219 --> 00:43:59.539
best and he is in my prayers. And also when I

00:43:59.539 --> 00:44:02.679
walked into the courtroom, I was just about three

00:44:02.679 --> 00:44:05.760
feet away at one point from Warren Jeffs when

00:44:05.760 --> 00:44:09.559
I went down to Texas into the trials. And this

00:44:09.559 --> 00:44:13.179
was a prophet pedophile and he was manipulating

00:44:13.179 --> 00:44:16.469
and twisting the minds of his people. And he

00:44:16.469 --> 00:44:20.170
was also hurting little girls. But I will tell

00:44:20.170 --> 00:44:25.630
you after that experience, I do not agree with

00:44:25.630 --> 00:44:28.889
nor like nor love any part of his actions in

00:44:28.889 --> 00:44:32.849
what he did. But I did look for light in his

00:44:32.849 --> 00:44:38.849
eyes. And I'm not capable of the same kind of

00:44:38.849 --> 00:44:41.989
unconditional love that I was shown, but I do

00:44:41.989 --> 00:44:45.780
my best. And I think... that if we were all to

00:44:45.780 --> 00:44:49.280
do our best, just simply come to the table with

00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:53.800
more love and to choose to have that love walk

00:44:53.800 --> 00:44:58.380
before us and have the presence of this unconditional

00:44:58.380 --> 00:45:01.940
love and beauty and light that we choose to surround

00:45:01.940 --> 00:45:05.300
ourselves in and make it a part of our daily

00:45:05.300 --> 00:45:09.260
walk, that our lives would be incredibly different

00:45:09.260 --> 00:45:12.610
than they are today. Thank you. Thank you so

00:45:12.610 --> 00:45:15.269
much, Bridget. Hey, if anybody wants to find

00:45:15.269 --> 00:45:18.769
you, should we have them reach out to yourinspiredstory

00:45:18.769 --> 00:45:22.530
.com? Yes, that would be great. Or you can find

00:45:22.530 --> 00:45:25.590
me on social media. And I love making new friends

00:45:25.590 --> 00:45:29.210
and hearing new stories. So thank you. And Eric,

00:45:29.349 --> 00:45:32.230
thank you. You're an incredible host. It's an

00:45:32.230 --> 00:45:36.019
honor to be on your show. Thanks again for listening

00:45:36.019 --> 00:45:38.460
and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit

00:45:38.460 --> 00:45:41.280
the follow or subscribe button and sign up for

00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:44.159
our newsletter at roundtripdeath .com. If you

00:45:44.159 --> 00:45:46.679
want to share your near -death experience or

00:45:46.679 --> 00:45:48.659
if you have questions or comments about the show,

00:45:49.139 --> 00:45:52.159
send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com.

00:45:52.559 --> 00:45:54.739
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're

00:45:54.739 --> 00:45:57.159
looking for in this life and the next.