"'I Felt the Purity & Love of the Earth" - Tammy's NDE

0:03 From the time that they pronounced me, that was a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart stopped. And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my physical body because I was somewhere else. The only thing that I could feel, if you can imagine absolute love and peace, there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was greeted by people I had known in the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody, and especially to our very special guest today, Tammy Julian. Good morning. How are you? I'm doing really well.

0:49 I'm really happy to be here and with you and to share this story that's been hidden for such a long time. Well, Thank you for being here and thank you for reaching out to the show and, you know, for putting your trust in us. I know you haven't told very many people about this. I hope you find that this is a safe place where you can talk about it. We're gonna wanna hear a little bit about your background before we jump into your story. But first, there's something that Will reminded me to do, and I appreciate him so much. And that is just to remind people, if you will go over to roundtripdeath .com, it's really easy to click and sign up for our newsletter.

1:32 It doesn't cost anything. And that's just a place we send one out once a week. And mostly it's a reminder, hey, here's a new episode from time to time. There may be something from one of our sponsors, but we love to build that community. So come on over, sign up for the newsletter. All right, Tammy, give us just one minute about you. Who is Tammy? Where do you live? Some of that. I live north of Vancouver Island near Campbell River. in a forested area. I'm basically on 53 acres of land. I don't own the land. I live on the land. Very fortunate to be here. It's given me an amazing place to come into myself and to begin to explore myself in different ways. I arrived in this area about 12 years ago. I have found it to be such a supportive community. Comox Valley and Campbell River has supported me in ways that I never felt supported anywhere else because I came from a very disconnected place inside and so that followed me for such a long time and it seems like I found grounding here.

2:50 I found stability and grounding and the ability to move forward in my life. Yeah, it wasn't just the ability to stabilize, it was the ability to be welcomed in nature, which was a revisiting from my really early childhood. So it's like coming back home more and more and more as I relate to nature because that's what I've been doing is creating a relationship with with life.

3:30 Well the place sounds beautiful and it sounds even more than that it sounds just peaceful and healing. Okay I want to jump into it we're going to go back quite a few years. to when you were giving birth and it was a home birth. Would you tell us what was going on? Were there any physical complications leading up to this or what happened? I had a very strenuous 17 hours leading up to the birth. It was my first birth so it was difficult to manage the pain. It was difficult to manage the environment and the people that were there.

4:13 Manage meaning that being comfortable with. Because I was disconnected, I chose a partner that was also disconnected, so it was hard for us to come together. And during the time of birth, I didn't receive the support I wanted or needed. And so that played a part in how relaxed I was to give birth. I started to see as the contractions grew bigger I started to see auras everywhere around door frames and furniture and so I was already kind of dissipating in a way at that time and when it came to pushing the baby out I was able to do that I had enough energy I was actually really I was losing a lot of ketones with ketones in my in my urine and so that's an indicator of stress and so the midwives were really watching me. But I gave birth and the baby was in my partner's arms and I couldn't believe how I felt. I felt so good. I didn't know what was happening to me. I don't know how I got the strength but I stood up on the bed put my arms out and proclaimed how well I felt and then I looked over I felt a shift in the room and I looked over and the

5:47 midwives are looking at each other with this oh oh and I didn't know what they were referring to because I felt great and then all of a sudden I looked down And there's my body, but it's hardly recognizable because it was just this massive lump of flesh and fat with a bone sticking right out here and there, eyeball here, ear there, and I went, how could that even function? That thing can't stand up on its own. It was crazy to look at and think that it could do anything at all. And I realized at that point that I was, if you want to call it the brain, I was everything to it. The brain couldn't even function in it.

6:38 There was no brain in this jail. So while you're thinking for a second, let me just interject one question. I just want to make sure I'm clear. So you standing up on top of the bed, that was not your physical body. This is This is your spirit outside of your body already, right? Okay. Okay, keep going. I want all the details. Okay. I didn't realize that I had left my body. I was doing really well. But I could see the whole room and look, I could track the changes, the shifts in the room. It's like my ability to perceive what was going on was really clear. I saw Jill, my partner at the time, move out of the room with the baby going towards the kitchen with his head down. I know that the midwives were furiously running around getting all the emergency equipment together. I'm sorry, for you or for baby or for both? For me, I checked out the room.

7:47 Thank you for asking that. When I checked out the room, I looked at the baby. I knew she was more than fine. The feeling is just like so good that she was going to be all right. Yeah, she was already connecting with the father and I just knew there was a development happening there that was going to be profound. And so it wasn't a question that I had control over staying or leaving. I was going. I went through the roof. I saw a bit of the neighborhood. My awareness expanded and then I lost kind of consciousness or I lost awareness completely. And I don't know how long I was out but it just felt like there was so much stillness around me, so much quiet.

8:43 And then I found myself, I woken to myself because something was happening or something was going to happen. I felt suspended. by the space around me, much like when you're floating in water. You feel the water around you and you feel buoyant. That's how I felt, but I wasn't moving. I was completely fixed. And that's when I noticed something warm growing inside me. And as it started to move through my body, the light started piercing through whatever flesh or body I had left, and I blew up. I was totally aware of how it felt.

9:26 It felt like a million acupuncture needles being put in me all at once. The piercing of light was, I want to say kind of excruciating. And then I lost consciousness again. I dissolved. It was like there was no identity. I could not perceive myself in any way. it's almost like I just disappeared. And it was then that I heard a voice. The voice called me out of the void, out of the darkness or space. It just called me out and I reformed and it said, look at the earth. So I was instructed, I was given something to do and I think that's what called me out is like all sudden somebody's telling me what to do because There was no thought nothing else to do or be and so when that voice called it seemed like it summoned me from a deep place and I looked at the earth and the earth was Wasn't the earth that I knew it was all layered It was layers on top layers. And at the time, I didn't know what I was looking at. And then it came to me that this was Earth. This was perception

11:00 from another reality or from this reality where I was and not with Earth eyes as a human being. And so it's like everything assembles in a certain way when you're human on Earth, but when you're in another body, you're actually just looking at energy. And every layer seemed to contain part of what made up Earth. It was like all those layers had everything that Earth would contain. All of the... It's like the pure templates or information that Earth is almost like I was looking at Earth before it was formed in a way and as if all the pure templates were put into it. It was like the making of what Earth was going to be. And so I felt the purity of it. I felt the love. and this amazing organization of matter, like even pre -matter, what was going to be.

12:21 And then I fell unconscious again, went back into the void. This time it felt like a lot longer. And then all of a sudden the voice calls me back again and said, look at the earth again. And this time I look at the earth, And I see the Earth as we know it from space. But there's all this activity all around it, all these vibrations. And it's like I was discovering moment by moment without being told. It's like I was being asked to perceive with my own abilities. It's like to know something that I didn't know before.

13:10 And that's like being in presence where you're just open and observing, witnessing something, and then you start to understand what it is. When I saw the vibrations, I started to, or when I perceived them, when I really started to feel them, I started to hear music. And it was the greatest symphony. Have you ever heard anything like it here? The symphony, you would never imagine what it was. It was all the prayers all at once from every direction, every place on earth. The clearest ones were like the deepest pain. The yearning and the longing were the clearest sounds like clarion bells ringing. And they were like the crescendos. And then everything else kind of filled in, the voices, everything like that.

14:14 It was our signatures, our frequencies that I was hearing. And some people were able to amp up their signature to be heard first. It was so full. I couldn't help myself. I heard the strongest one and I followed it. There was no holding back. And so I followed it. It led me right to the person, right to that very person. And I sat beside, I found an old man about in the 70s in India somewhere. White robe, the pants, a little beard. He's sitting on a curb, totally lost. As if he lost his faith. Something shattered his reality, his belief, everything like that.

15:11 Something shattered it. And I sat down beside him and he couldn't tell I was there. I tried to speak with him and he couldn't hear me. I tried to have him feel me. I got closer and closer thinking that if I merged my energies with him, he would feel me. But I got so close that I was almost on the other side of him, almost right through him. And I didn't know what to do. So I sat and sat and sat. And then it came. I was going to enter his breath. And when I did, he noticed he wasn't breathing alone. It was like this bubble of awakening, of awareness, this clarity that formed all around him and his eyes grew big and his heart opened up and exploded.

16:08 He witnessed something, experienced something that changed his whole reality, made him believe completely without traditions or conditions or past patterns and beliefs or whatever. Everything beyond that. And there was such a joy in him. And I realized at that moment that I got it. And so I couldn't wait to get to the next person and the next person and the next person. And I found with every person there was a different need. This little girl praying on her knees.

16:50 just praying for her parents. She was already in the field. She was already there. She just needed to know it was real. And so I reassured her. She felt me. She knew I was there and there was just a soothing and a comforting. She was good with them. And so all of a sudden I hear that voice again. And it said, come back. And so I come back, I follow the voices. It's like I'm following directions to the T. There's no argument or anything like that. And this is the voice that told you to look at the earth? Yes.

17:37 Okay, keep going. And I've noticed that it's the voice that's been interjecting in my life or intervening in my life since I've been a child. So there's been other moments and I've had another near -death experience too earlier So I'm back in the field Voices he don't have to go to each one. You can stay right here and receive them all and It's as if I knew what you It's as if I knew what he was saying. It's like every time he'd say something, oh yeah, I'd remember it. I'd remember this. I'd remember that. You know, oh, I know how it is. And so I stood there. I had a great body, like huge form, almost transparent.

18:25 And my arms extended upwards and I took this position to receive them all. And it was just, and I was going to receive them all. and I saw them was back by me and I went, as if I wanted to touch every one of them. I didn't want any one of them to go by without me touching them personally. And then the stillness came over me. I received them and I was still conscious about them being absorbed in the field and knowing that every one of them was being answered, even though I didn't see anyone. It was the vibrations, the frequencies would dissolve into the field, just like I was doing in those unconscious moments.

19:22 It was being absorbed by this intelligent field that knew exactly what to say and do. And then this little vibration. It came up so fast, it was like booting every other vibration out of the way. And it was like moving between every one of them to try to get to me. It was so determined when it came, when it got to me, like in front of my face, it opened up like a lily. And in the center, in the core, was the message that I heard. I realized I could understand every language there was. Because it wasn't in a language, it was all a vibration, a signature. And the message was, what is she going to do without her mother? Referring to your baby. Yeah, nothing could stop me. Nothing. I followed it back right to the room somehow entered my body i knew i came back for him because she was fine she was more than fine i don't know what it was but having that him call me like that continued through

20:53 our future together where He had a couple other incidences happen in life that I attended to in spirit without knowing beforehand that it happened to him. Can I just clarify one thing again? This voice to him that you're talking about now, that's the baby's father, not the voice that you heard telling you to look at the earth, right? Okay, two different things. Okay. All right. I want to unpack a bunch of this if you're ready for this. Yes. Yes. You listen to the show. You know lots of questions are coming.

21:39 That's the way my brain happens to work. Oh my goodness. Where to start? I want to go way back. You used the term you blew up. What did that mean? It's like a sun exploding inside. And this was right after leaving your body you felt this? Yes. Okay. Any other way you can describe it? Yeah. Like the worst hot flash you can imagine. It's like the heat starts to build up and then the body starts to react. It could be itching. It could be heat burning. It's, you know, it's like a rash. And then it's just like this pressure.

22:22 And it was the pressure that burnt me up. It felt like it burnt me up. Like that felt like the explosion. It was against the resistance. And so it felt like acupuncture needles everywhere. It's like piercing through a flesh. Okay. I didn't know if this was a good kind of a blow up or a bad. It sounds pretty negative. Painful. I know. It was painful. I have to say it was. And I was a witness of it, and at the same time, feeling the burn. But there was no fear. I noticed, though, there had to be an emotional pain. So I don't know what that was about, like the emotional pain, the feeling, the sensing of the burn. And then it's like the knowing that this was going to do something. I'm just going to take you on a little trip here. So I'm going to go through some of these in no apparent order. When you came to the man and sat beside him and got closer to him, etc., it almost sounds like you had an opportunity to be an angel and help someone through a tough time. Is that how you felt? I didn't know I was an angel or thought I was an angel.

23:46 There was no feeling of that or knowing of that. Maybe in hindsight? In hindsight, I imagine myself as an angel. You know, I couldn't have any other explanation or understanding. Didn't have any wings. I never said angels had wings. Personally, I don't think they do. I don't see any reason why they would need them. That's just me. Do you think, and I'm asking you to speculate now, that other people who have already passed on, who love us, when we need help for something like this man did, or you mentioned a girl and some other people, do you think maybe our loved ones can come to us in that kind of way and help us? It is so fast. It's beyond our understanding how quickly we are responded to. Unfortunately, we often stay lost in the impact of the hurt, and we dwell into the impact without understanding that that feeling of grief is not really, it's what we learn to call it, but that is the response.

25:03 The grief, the sadness is a response that is felt because of an impact or a trauma. And if you sit in a moment in the sadness or the grief, it's a lot bigger than you think. It has a presence. And I've understood myself grief as being so close, as if holding my hand. You mentioned the purity and feeling love, I believe from the earth. Did I get that right? I witnessed the love that was a template, let's say the template or what the layers were made out of. I experienced the love and the compassion when I was one -on -one.

25:57 It seems like everything was integrated. The emotions were integrated. when I wasn't present with another. But I could see, I could perceive the love that was going into the earth. What do you mean by the layers? You've mentioned that a few times, the layers of the earth. It's almost like a design. When you want to create something, you create a design and you have this first level of a house here the second level of the house here and you have the landscape here and then it starts to come together and This is how I saw is like an organizational structure pre material phase That makes sense if you believe in God that he would visualize this whole thing first I don't know if it's put down on paper first, but visualize this whole construction before physically the Earth is actually made. That makes sense to me. Everything wasn't it. It was like everything, all the nature components were going to be in there. The sky was in there, the water was in there, the trees, the grass, the flowers.

27:15 I didn't see any humans yet in there. So that makes it interesting. I didn't realize that. Makes sense. Earth created prior to humans being here Couldn't be the other way around really very well All right. Tell me about this voice that told you to look at the earth What did it sound like feel like and who do you think it was? It was a it sounded like to me a male voice all the voices that have intervened in my life sounded like they were male voices Which is interesting, because I follow a feminine path. A divine feminine path. And it was strong, and it was clear, and it was very convincing. It wasn't pushy, it wasn't demanding, but it definitely got my attention.

28:10 It was commanding, in a way. In a negative way or a loving way? In a loving way, as if it could, with one word, could command energies. Who do you attribute that voice to? Never thought it was God. If not Him, then who? Yeah, maybe all of us when we reach that level. Because it didn't sound like a hierarchical voice. I didn't interpret it as that. I didn't interpret it as my higher self. I did interpret it as Buddha. Because I've had experiences with Buddha throughout and with Christ throughout and had experience embodying a blue mother, blue energy mother at Mount Shasta during a celebration. I've had visitations and been visited internally and I find that these voices, this voice particular comes when I've been in a situation where I need to get out of a life or death situation. And so that's been a couple of times. Yeah, I'm just kind of drawing a blank there. That's okay. I know I alluded to this earlier for the listeners, but you haven't talked about this much and sometimes Talking

29:44 about it helps bring it back. If we were to talk again in a month, there would probably be more solid thoughts on some of it, and that's okay. That doesn't make it any less real or anything else. Let's get back to the physical world now. So you come back to your body, then what happens? How are you feeling? I remember looking around the room and reorienting myself. The medwives were pulling the mask away. I was in bed. Somehow I had gotten to bed. And my partner was there with my daughter, looking over me, very pleased that I had come back. And I tried to say what had happened, but everybody was saying, no, you need to rest. You need to... you know, just orient yourself. And so I did because it seemed that it was it was really important what had happened.

30:50 And I wanted to tell the story, but it is like they I needed to also bond with my baby. I needed to come back with my partner and thank the midwives and go through whatever. you know, procedure I need to go through in order to confirm my wellness. And so, you know, I did all that. When there were moments when I wanted to talk about the near -death experience, there was really no one to talk to. And if I brought it up, the few times I did bring it up in the last 40 years, I found that people didn't have a reference for something like that and so they didn't know what to ask and maybe it made them feel uncomfortable. And so I learned not to mention it. But I did write about it. I wrote a lot after because the ability to write came in. The ability to take people into, past that threshold came in. into presence, into the void, and became my way of working with groups and people to take them into that space of, I call, probabilities and possibilities because I don't know what is there for me or that person.

32:19 And basically how that developed, it was just like going back. It was about five years, six years after the birth, I started to write. I started to hear stories of the past and write them out. It was like stories that needed to be told by people who had experienced life and suffered came through in poetry and in song. And then I was trying to figure out, well, where am I in all this? I started to write every day asking the same question. Why have I gone through this experience when my life doesn't seem like it's changed much? I was a single mother by then with three children on social assistance. I decided to home learn my kids because I had received the information to create basically to teach them as if I was in the mystery school. And so I did, but every morning I would sit with my notebook and go, why am I still here in this depression? Why am I here in this feeling, these emotions that are so hard every morning to wake up to and to move through? And I'm expected to put in a smile and connect with my kids and connect with the world and move through it. Welcome to life here on earth. It is not easy. So I would receive these answers that I realized were like

33:53 15 years 20 years down the road There are answers of who I would become how it would be speaking how it would be supporting people, but I would argue With whoever was answering saying this is not practical. This is not what's going on in my life here now I'm depressed. I've got three kids. I don't know what to do If you're not gonna make it practical Don't come back But yet I'd find myself sitting waiting for another answer the next day Yeah, it was a hard movement But then it's like things started to open up. I started traveling to Mount Shasta my Kundalini rose there I heard Voices from the mountain I came back that same voice the one that I heard in my near -death experience I was part of a single mother support network, and I wanted to... I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted to do something for a single mother. I didn't know. I thought, if I invite her for tea, then something will happen. And I did. I invited her for tea, and then... I was going to pick some oracle cards and kind of put them out in front of us. And a voice, that voice said, you don't need the

35:24 cards. And I said, what are you talking? I started arguing. And she, so we didn't. And I told her, I said, look, I know you don't know me. I don't know how you can trust this, but she like, her eyes went big like this and she got up and she started jumping up and down. She goes, I knew something was gonna happen. I knew something was gonna happen. The voice guided us into under a tree, a Buddha tree. That's why I think it was Buddha. She was being initiated into Buddhahood. She was becoming a Buddha and I was the one that was initiating her. But I didn't know I was the one initiating it for years. It was like I couldn't see myself as that. I couldn't see myself doing that. I just thought we were both guided. And then that voice continued to guide me with others and take them into the underworld. So for years I went into the underworld to retrieve soul fragments.

36:29 Very scary stuff. And then I... was in a car accident. That was one of my first real visitations, was this being showed up in front of me and said, I'm gonna tell you three things. You gotta stop risking your life. You gotta start appreciating what you're given. Appreciate your life. And we'll talk again. And within three months, a book came through. It was a long time before I realized that this was going to be how I evolved, what was going to be, how I opened up, how the world was going to open up, how people were going to move through. And it was a book that talked about the pandemic, great change that would happen on earth. And this is how we were going to anchor in the new earth, the new world, the new energies.

37:33 And so I got processes for anchoring into the electromagnetic field, how it was going to benefit us. I was shown how we have to live and die differently. We have to learn how to die differently. We have to finish our unfinished business before we go. There was talk about nature being our greatest teacher and how we've been deceiving ourselves thinking that we know what love is or compassion is or connection is when really most of us haven't had a true or direct knowing of that and have been raised in conditions that that wasn't part of the equation. Well, before we wrap up, a couple things. Number one, how much fear of death do you have? I don't have any. I feel like I can walk through the door and walk back, maybe. I don't know. I'm fine. I'm fine. I actually had a dream not too long ago, about two months ago, and I was seeing people go through the threshold.

38:46 I thought, oh, I must be in line up too. And all of a sudden this man, caretaker in the dream says, oh no. Not you, honey, you're not done yet. You don't get to go yet. Now, and lastly, if you were to look back and talk to that young mother with three children that was depressed and struggling with all the experience that you've had since then, what would you tell her now? I would tell her about all the beings that surround her and the support that is there. that she doesn't know that is there and that she's been taught in a way to separate herself from life and to feel separate when that is not a truth. When the truth is we're all part of one living consciousness that supports each other and interacts through energy and vibration and that if she could just breathe and slow her breath down into a state of presence of being, then that she would begin to feel everything that's around her. And where could she find joy in her life at that point?

40:11 Joy is another, it's a thought most of the time. We think joy should look a certain way or feel a certain way or we should have joy or this, but when When there's that state of beingness Wellness and happiness is like spontaneous It's not defined in that place just like love or anything else is not really defined It's naturally felt So can we feel it here? Do you feel it here? Yes often, but not all the time So what is it that keeps you from feeling it all the time?

40:55 Some of those things that you mentioned earlier that just are part of life that get in the way of that. The day -to -day things we have to do. Go to the grocery store, make a living, pay the bills. That kind of stuff just distracts us, right? The rude person on the highway, those things just distract us from where the real joy is. It's where self -compassion comes in, basically giving yourself compassion for being focused somewhere else, you know, because there's a part of you that seems to be holding that against you, that you're not there. Well, there's a part of me that wants to feel that joy all the time, and I let those things get in the way. Breathing coming back to the breath. Yeah. Breath is life, breath is connection. My first experience was a plant was sitting in front of it and I was asked to just remember that the plant needs carbon dioxide and in return it offers oxygen and so I was breathing my carbon dioxide to the plant directly. and then breathing in the oxygen and it wasn't like two three minutes after that there was a connection it was a tangible vibrational connection and then i heard ask me my secrets

42:29 oh of the plants we're gonna have a little session when we're done here we're gonna have a little chat with these plants Hey Tammy, I appreciate you being with me today. Thank you. It was insightful and gave me a lot to think about too. Appreciate you sharing. Thank you so much. I really appreciate the container that you created for this to occur. Thank you. If you want to share your near -death experience, or if you have questions or comments about the show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com. Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.