"'I Felt the Purity & Love of the Earth" - Tammy's NDE

WEBVTT

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From the time that they pronounced me, that was

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a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then

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they paddled my heart, my heart stopped. And

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I could see people screaming and crying, but

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I didn't realize that was actually my physical

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body because I was somewhere else. The only thing

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that I could feel, if you can imagine absolute

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love and peace, there wasn't anything else to

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be felt. I was greeted by people I had known

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in the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly

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safe and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round

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Trip Death, everybody, and especially to our

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very special guest today, Tammy Julian. Good

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morning. How are you? I'm doing really well.

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I'm really happy to be here and with you and

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to share this story that's been hidden for such

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a long time. Well, Thank you for being here and

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thank you for reaching out to the show and, you

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know, for putting your trust in us. I know you

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haven't told very many people about this. I hope

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you find that this is a safe place where you

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can talk about it. We're gonna wanna hear a little

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bit about your background before we jump into

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your story. But first, there's something that

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Will reminded me to do, and I appreciate him

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so much. And that is just to remind people, if

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you will go over to roundtripdeath .com, it's

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really easy to click and sign up for our newsletter.

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It doesn't cost anything. And that's just a place

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we send one out once a week. And mostly it's

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a reminder, hey, here's a new episode from time

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to time. There may be something from one of our

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sponsors, but we love to build that community.

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So come on over, sign up for the newsletter.

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All right, Tammy, give us just one minute about

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you. Who is Tammy? Where do you live? Some of

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that. I live north of Vancouver Island near Campbell

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River. in a forested area. I'm basically on 53

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acres of land. I don't own the land. I live on

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the land. Very fortunate to be here. It's given

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me an amazing place to come into myself and to

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begin to explore myself in different ways. I

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arrived in this area about 12 years ago. I have

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found it to be such a supportive community. Comox

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Valley and Campbell River has supported me in

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ways that I never felt supported anywhere else

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because I came from a very disconnected place

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inside and so that followed me for such a long

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time and it seems like I found grounding here.

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I found stability and grounding and the ability

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to move forward in my life. Yeah, it wasn't just

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the ability to stabilize, it was the ability

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to be welcomed in nature, which was a revisiting

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from my really early childhood. So it's like

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coming back home more and more and more as I

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relate to nature because that's what I've been

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doing is creating a relationship with with life.

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Well the place sounds beautiful and it sounds

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even more than that it sounds just peaceful and

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healing. Okay I want to jump into it we're going

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to go back quite a few years. to when you were

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giving birth and it was a home birth. Would you

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tell us what was going on? Were there any physical

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complications leading up to this or what happened?

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I had a very strenuous 17 hours leading up to

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the birth. It was my first birth so it was difficult

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to manage the pain. It was difficult to manage

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the environment and the people that were there.

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Manage meaning that being comfortable with. Because

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I was disconnected, I chose a partner that was

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also disconnected, so it was hard for us to come

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together. And during the time of birth, I didn't

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receive the support I wanted or needed. And so

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that played a part in how relaxed I was to give

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birth. I started to see as the contractions grew

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bigger I started to see auras everywhere around

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door frames and furniture and so I was already

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kind of dissipating in a way at that time and

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when it came to pushing the baby out I was able

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to do that I had enough energy I was actually

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really I was losing a lot of ketones with ketones

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in my in my urine and so that's an indicator

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of stress and so the midwives were really watching

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me. But I gave birth and the baby was in my partner's

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arms and I couldn't believe how I felt. I felt

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so good. I didn't know what was happening to

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me. I don't know how I got the strength but I

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stood up on the bed put my arms out and proclaimed

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how well I felt and then I looked over I felt

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a shift in the room and I looked over and the

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midwives are looking at each other with this

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oh oh and I didn't know what they were referring

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to because I felt great and then all of a sudden

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I looked down And there's my body, but it's hardly

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recognizable because it was just this massive

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lump of flesh and fat with a bone sticking right

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out here and there, eyeball here, ear there,

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and I went, how could that even function? That

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thing can't stand up on its own. It was crazy

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to look at and think that it could do anything

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at all. And I realized at that point that I was,

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if you want to call it the brain, I was everything

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to it. The brain couldn't even function in it.

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There was no brain in this jail. So while you're

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thinking for a second, let me just interject

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one question. I just want to make sure I'm clear.

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So you standing up on top of the bed, that was

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not your physical body. This is This is your

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spirit outside of your body already, right? Okay.

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Okay, keep going. I want all the details. Okay.

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I didn't realize that I had left my body. I was

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doing really well. But I could see the whole

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room and look, I could track the changes, the

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shifts in the room. It's like my ability to perceive

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what was going on was really clear. I saw Jill,

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my partner at the time, move out of the room

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with the baby going towards the kitchen with

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his head down. I know that the midwives were

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furiously running around getting all the emergency

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equipment together. I'm sorry, for you or for

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baby or for both? For me, I checked out the room.

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Thank you for asking that. When I checked out

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the room, I looked at the baby. I knew she was

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more than fine. The feeling is just like so good

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that she was going to be all right. Yeah, she

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was already connecting with the father and I

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just knew there was a development happening there

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that was going to be profound. And so it wasn't

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a question that I had control over staying or

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leaving. I was going. I went through the roof.

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I saw a bit of the neighborhood. My awareness

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expanded and then I lost kind of consciousness

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or I lost awareness completely. And I don't know

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how long I was out but it just felt like there

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was so much stillness around me, so much quiet.

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And then I found myself, I woken to myself because

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something was happening or something was going

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to happen. I felt suspended. by the space around

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me, much like when you're floating in water.

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You feel the water around you and you feel buoyant.

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That's how I felt, but I wasn't moving. I was

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completely fixed. And that's when I noticed something

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warm growing inside me. And as it started to

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move through my body, the light started piercing

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through whatever flesh or body I had left, and

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I blew up. I was totally aware of how it felt.

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It felt like a million acupuncture needles being

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put in me all at once. The piercing of light

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was, I want to say kind of excruciating. And

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then I lost consciousness again. I dissolved.

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It was like there was no identity. I could not

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perceive myself in any way. it's almost like

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I just disappeared. And it was then that I heard

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a voice. The voice called me out of the void,

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out of the darkness or space. It just called

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me out and I reformed and it said, look at the

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earth. So I was instructed, I was given something

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to do and I think that's what called me out is

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like all sudden somebody's telling me what to

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do because There was no thought nothing else

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to do or be and so when that voice called it

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seemed like it summoned me from a deep place

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and I looked at the earth and the earth was Wasn't

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the earth that I knew it was all layered It was

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layers on top layers. And at the time, I didn't

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know what I was looking at. And then it came

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to me that this was Earth. This was perception

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from another reality or from this reality where

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I was and not with Earth eyes as a human being.

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And so it's like everything assembles in a certain

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way when you're human on Earth, but when you're

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in another body, you're actually just looking

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at energy. And every layer seemed to contain

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part of what made up Earth. It was like all those

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layers had everything that Earth would contain.

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All of the... It's like the pure templates or

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information that Earth is almost like I was looking

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at Earth before it was formed in a way and as

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if all the pure templates were put into it. It

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was like the making of what Earth was going to

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be. And so I felt the purity of it. I felt the

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love. and this amazing organization of matter,

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like even pre -matter, what was going to be.

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And then I fell unconscious again, went back

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into the void. This time it felt like a lot longer.

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And then all of a sudden the voice calls me back

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again and said, look at the earth again. And

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this time I look at the earth, And I see the

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Earth as we know it from space. But there's all

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this activity all around it, all these vibrations.

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And it's like I was discovering moment by moment

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without being told. It's like I was being asked

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to perceive with my own abilities. It's like

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to know something that I didn't know before.

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And that's like being in presence where you're

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just open and observing, witnessing something,

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and then you start to understand what it is.

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When I saw the vibrations, I started to, or when

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I perceived them, when I really started to feel

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them, I started to hear music. And it was the

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greatest symphony. Have you ever heard anything

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like it here? The symphony, you would never imagine

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what it was. It was all the prayers all at once

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from every direction, every place on earth. The

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clearest ones were like the deepest pain. The

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yearning and the longing were the clearest sounds

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like clarion bells ringing. And they were like

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the crescendos. And then everything else kind

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of filled in, the voices, everything like that.

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It was our signatures, our frequencies that I

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was hearing. And some people were able to amp

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up their signature to be heard first. It was

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so full. I couldn't help myself. I heard the

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strongest one and I followed it. There was no

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holding back. And so I followed it. It led me

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right to the person, right to that very person.

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And I sat beside, I found an old man about in

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the 70s in India somewhere. White robe, the pants,

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a little beard. He's sitting on a curb, totally

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lost. As if he lost his faith. Something shattered

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his reality, his belief, everything like that.

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Something shattered it. And I sat down beside

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him and he couldn't tell I was there. I tried

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to speak with him and he couldn't hear me. I

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tried to have him feel me. I got closer and closer

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thinking that if I merged my energies with him,

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he would feel me. But I got so close that I was

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almost on the other side of him, almost right

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through him. And I didn't know what to do. So

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I sat and sat and sat. And then it came. I was

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going to enter his breath. And when I did, he

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noticed he wasn't breathing alone. It was like

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this bubble of awakening, of awareness, this

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clarity that formed all around him and his eyes

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grew big and his heart opened up and exploded.

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He witnessed something, experienced something

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that changed his whole reality, made him believe

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completely without traditions or conditions or

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past patterns and beliefs or whatever. Everything

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beyond that. And there was such a joy in him.

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And I realized at that moment that I got it.

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And so I couldn't wait to get to the next person

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and the next person and the next person. And

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I found with every person there was a different

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need. This little girl praying on her knees.

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just praying for her parents. She was already

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in the field. She was already there. She just

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needed to know it was real. And so I reassured

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her. She felt me. She knew I was there and there

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was just a soothing and a comforting. She was

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good with them. And so all of a sudden I hear

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that voice again. And it said, come back. And

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so I come back, I follow the voices. It's like

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I'm following directions to the T. There's no

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argument or anything like that. And this is the

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voice that told you to look at the earth? Yes.

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Okay, keep going. And I've noticed that it's

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the voice that's been interjecting in my life

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or intervening in my life since I've been a child.

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So there's been other moments and I've had another

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near -death experience too earlier So I'm back

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in the field Voices he don't have to go to each

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one. You can stay right here and receive them

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all and It's as if I knew what you It's as if

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I knew what he was saying. It's like every time

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he'd say something, oh yeah, I'd remember it.

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I'd remember this. I'd remember that. You know,

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oh, I know how it is. And so I stood there. I

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had a great body, like huge form, almost transparent.

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And my arms extended upwards and I took this

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position to receive them all. And it was just,

00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:37.660
and I was going to receive them all. and I saw

00:18:37.660 --> 00:18:45.059
them was back by me and I went, as if I wanted

00:18:45.059 --> 00:18:48.579
to touch every one of them. I didn't want any

00:18:48.579 --> 00:18:50.900
one of them to go by without me touching them

00:18:50.900 --> 00:18:54.839
personally. And then the stillness came over

00:18:54.839 --> 00:18:59.460
me. I received them and I was still conscious

00:18:59.460 --> 00:19:04.200
about them being absorbed in the field and knowing

00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:07.980
that every one of them was being answered, even

00:19:07.980 --> 00:19:12.900
though I didn't see anyone. It was the vibrations,

00:19:13.299 --> 00:19:16.799
the frequencies would dissolve into the field,

00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:21.819
just like I was doing in those unconscious moments.

00:19:22.660 --> 00:19:27.180
It was being absorbed by this intelligent field

00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:33.539
that knew exactly what to say and do. And then

00:19:33.539 --> 00:19:37.579
this little vibration. It came up so fast, it

00:19:37.579 --> 00:19:41.420
was like booting every other vibration out of

00:19:41.420 --> 00:19:45.140
the way. And it was like moving between every

00:19:45.140 --> 00:19:49.900
one of them to try to get to me. It was so determined

00:19:49.900 --> 00:19:53.000
when it came, when it got to me, like in front

00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:58.400
of my face, it opened up like a lily. And in

00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:02.400
the center, in the core, was the message that

00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:06.559
I heard. I realized I could understand every

00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:11.099
language there was. Because it wasn't in a language,

00:20:11.140 --> 00:20:15.240
it was all a vibration, a signature. And the

00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:20.759
message was, what is she going to do without

00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:26.839
her mother? Referring to your baby. Yeah, nothing

00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:32.440
could stop me. Nothing. I followed it back right

00:20:32.440 --> 00:20:38.319
to the room somehow entered my body i knew i

00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:43.759
came back for him because she was fine she was

00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:47.859
more than fine i don't know what it was but having

00:20:47.859 --> 00:20:53.259
that him call me like that continued through

00:20:53.259 --> 00:20:59.450
our future together where He had a couple other

00:20:59.450 --> 00:21:03.609
incidences happen in life that I attended to

00:21:03.609 --> 00:21:09.990
in spirit without knowing beforehand that it

00:21:09.990 --> 00:21:13.349
happened to him. Can I just clarify one thing

00:21:13.349 --> 00:21:16.309
again? This voice to him that you're talking

00:21:16.309 --> 00:21:20.630
about now, that's the baby's father, not the

00:21:20.630 --> 00:21:22.509
voice that you heard telling you to look at the

00:21:22.509 --> 00:21:29.029
earth, right? Okay, two different things. Okay.

00:21:29.869 --> 00:21:32.250
All right. I want to unpack a bunch of this if

00:21:32.250 --> 00:21:36.450
you're ready for this. Yes. Yes. You listen to

00:21:36.450 --> 00:21:38.950
the show. You know lots of questions are coming.

00:21:39.470 --> 00:21:43.009
That's the way my brain happens to work. Oh my

00:21:43.009 --> 00:21:46.250
goodness. Where to start? I want to go way back.

00:21:46.670 --> 00:21:49.890
You used the term you blew up. What did that

00:21:49.890 --> 00:21:55.099
mean? It's like a sun exploding inside. And this

00:21:55.099 --> 00:21:58.160
was right after leaving your body you felt this?

00:21:58.980 --> 00:22:02.559
Yes. Okay. Any other way you can describe it?

00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:07.319
Yeah. Like the worst hot flash you can imagine.

00:22:09.220 --> 00:22:12.279
It's like the heat starts to build up and then

00:22:12.279 --> 00:22:14.660
the body starts to react. It could be itching.

00:22:14.779 --> 00:22:17.180
It could be heat burning. It's, you know, it's

00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:21.079
like a rash. And then it's just like this pressure.

00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:26.500
And it was the pressure that burnt me up. It

00:22:26.500 --> 00:22:29.039
felt like it burnt me up. Like that felt like

00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:31.500
the explosion. It was against the resistance.

00:22:31.700 --> 00:22:35.119
And so it felt like acupuncture needles everywhere.

00:22:35.240 --> 00:22:40.700
It's like piercing through a flesh. Okay. I didn't

00:22:40.700 --> 00:22:43.400
know if this was a good kind of a blow up or

00:22:43.400 --> 00:22:47.000
a bad. It sounds pretty negative. Painful. I

00:22:47.000 --> 00:22:52.750
know. It was painful. I have to say it was. And

00:22:52.750 --> 00:22:56.130
I was a witness of it, and at the same time,

00:22:56.230 --> 00:23:00.910
feeling the burn. But there was no fear. I noticed,

00:23:01.029 --> 00:23:05.609
though, there had to be an emotional pain. So

00:23:05.609 --> 00:23:08.789
I don't know what that was about, like the emotional

00:23:08.789 --> 00:23:12.769
pain, the feeling, the sensing of the burn. And

00:23:12.769 --> 00:23:16.670
then it's like the knowing that this was going

00:23:16.670 --> 00:23:20.000
to do something. I'm just going to take you on

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.680
a little trip here. So I'm going to go through

00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:25.940
some of these in no apparent order. When you

00:23:25.940 --> 00:23:30.279
came to the man and sat beside him and got closer

00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:35.839
to him, etc., it almost sounds like you had an

00:23:35.839 --> 00:23:39.660
opportunity to be an angel and help someone through

00:23:39.660 --> 00:23:43.109
a tough time. Is that how you felt? I didn't

00:23:43.109 --> 00:23:46.009
know I was an angel or thought I was an angel.

00:23:46.130 --> 00:23:49.250
There was no feeling of that or knowing of that.

00:23:50.089 --> 00:23:55.029
Maybe in hindsight? In hindsight, I imagine myself

00:23:55.029 --> 00:23:58.190
as an angel. You know, I couldn't have any other

00:23:58.190 --> 00:24:02.430
explanation or understanding. Didn't have any

00:24:02.430 --> 00:24:07.769
wings. I never said angels had wings. Personally,

00:24:07.789 --> 00:24:10.529
I don't think they do. I don't see any reason

00:24:10.529 --> 00:24:14.690
why they would need them. That's just me. Do

00:24:14.690 --> 00:24:17.450
you think, and I'm asking you to speculate now,

00:24:18.430 --> 00:24:22.269
that other people who have already passed on,

00:24:22.509 --> 00:24:26.490
who love us, when we need help for something

00:24:26.490 --> 00:24:29.230
like this man did, or you mentioned a girl and

00:24:29.230 --> 00:24:32.750
some other people, do you think maybe our loved

00:24:32.750 --> 00:24:35.549
ones can come to us in that kind of way and help

00:24:35.549 --> 00:24:40.619
us? It is so fast. It's beyond our understanding

00:24:40.619 --> 00:24:45.119
how quickly we are responded to. Unfortunately,

00:24:46.539 --> 00:24:48.980
we often stay lost in the impact of the hurt,

00:24:49.519 --> 00:24:52.960
and we dwell into the impact without understanding

00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:59.720
that that feeling of grief is not really, it's

00:24:59.720 --> 00:25:03.579
what we learn to call it, but that is the response.

00:25:03.900 --> 00:25:07.740
The grief, the sadness is a response that is

00:25:07.740 --> 00:25:12.740
felt because of an impact or a trauma. And if

00:25:12.740 --> 00:25:17.200
you sit in a moment in the sadness or the grief,

00:25:17.880 --> 00:25:21.980
it's a lot bigger than you think. It has a presence.

00:25:23.180 --> 00:25:28.220
And I've understood myself grief as being so

00:25:28.220 --> 00:25:33.809
close, as if holding my hand. You mentioned the

00:25:33.809 --> 00:25:37.569
purity and feeling love, I believe from the earth.

00:25:37.650 --> 00:25:42.509
Did I get that right? I witnessed the love that

00:25:42.509 --> 00:25:48.369
was a template, let's say the template or what

00:25:48.369 --> 00:25:52.769
the layers were made out of. I experienced the

00:25:52.769 --> 00:25:55.930
love and the compassion when I was one -on -one.

00:25:57.170 --> 00:26:00.329
It seems like everything was integrated. The

00:26:00.329 --> 00:26:03.579
emotions were integrated. when I wasn't present

00:26:03.579 --> 00:26:07.480
with another. But I could see, I could perceive

00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:10.640
the love that was going into the earth. What

00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:12.880
do you mean by the layers? You've mentioned that

00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:17.660
a few times, the layers of the earth. It's almost

00:26:17.660 --> 00:26:23.039
like a design. When you want to create something,

00:26:23.140 --> 00:26:27.700
you create a design and you have this first level

00:26:27.700 --> 00:26:30.140
of a house here the second level of the house

00:26:30.140 --> 00:26:33.920
here and you have the landscape here and then

00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:38.279
it starts to come together and This is how I

00:26:38.279 --> 00:26:44.180
saw is like an organizational structure pre material

00:26:44.180 --> 00:26:48.640
phase That makes sense if you believe in God

00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:54.579
that he would visualize this whole thing first

00:26:54.890 --> 00:26:57.329
I don't know if it's put down on paper first,

00:26:58.089 --> 00:27:00.650
but visualize this whole construction before

00:27:00.650 --> 00:27:03.029
physically the Earth is actually made. That makes

00:27:03.029 --> 00:27:06.690
sense to me. Everything wasn't it. It was like

00:27:06.690 --> 00:27:08.789
everything, all the nature components were going

00:27:08.789 --> 00:27:11.950
to be in there. The sky was in there, the water

00:27:11.950 --> 00:27:15.549
was in there, the trees, the grass, the flowers.

00:27:15.809 --> 00:27:19.490
I didn't see any humans yet in there. So that

00:27:19.490 --> 00:27:21.750
makes it interesting. I didn't realize that.

00:27:22.210 --> 00:27:26.789
Makes sense. Earth created prior to humans being

00:27:26.789 --> 00:27:30.009
here Couldn't be the other way around really

00:27:30.009 --> 00:27:33.230
very well All right. Tell me about this voice

00:27:33.230 --> 00:27:37.490
that told you to look at the earth What did it

00:27:37.490 --> 00:27:40.329
sound like feel like and who do you think it

00:27:40.329 --> 00:27:46.210
was? It was a it sounded like to me a male voice

00:27:46.210 --> 00:27:50.690
all the voices that have intervened in my life

00:27:50.690 --> 00:27:54.900
sounded like they were male voices Which is interesting,

00:27:55.140 --> 00:28:00.559
because I follow a feminine path. A divine feminine

00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:03.740
path. And it was strong, and it was clear, and

00:28:03.740 --> 00:28:07.279
it was very convincing. It wasn't pushy, it wasn't

00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:10.119
demanding, but it definitely got my attention.

00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:14.700
It was commanding, in a way. In a negative way

00:28:14.700 --> 00:28:18.940
or a loving way? In a loving way, as if it could,

00:28:19.319 --> 00:28:23.740
with one word, could command energies. Who do

00:28:23.740 --> 00:28:26.599
you attribute that voice to? Never thought it

00:28:26.599 --> 00:28:32.160
was God. If not Him, then who? Yeah, maybe all

00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:35.920
of us when we reach that level. Because it didn't

00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:40.859
sound like a hierarchical voice. I didn't interpret

00:28:40.859 --> 00:28:44.220
it as that. I didn't interpret it as my higher

00:28:44.220 --> 00:28:49.500
self. I did interpret it as Buddha. Because I've

00:28:49.500 --> 00:28:53.660
had experiences with Buddha throughout and with

00:28:53.660 --> 00:29:00.079
Christ throughout and had experience embodying

00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:05.619
a blue mother, blue energy mother at Mount Shasta

00:29:05.619 --> 00:29:10.740
during a celebration. I've had visitations and

00:29:10.740 --> 00:29:16.740
been visited internally and I find that these

00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:21.960
voices, this voice particular comes when I've

00:29:21.960 --> 00:29:24.980
been in a situation where I need to get out of

00:29:24.980 --> 00:29:28.440
a life or death situation. And so that's been

00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:33.039
a couple of times. Yeah, I'm just kind of drawing

00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:37.000
a blank there. That's okay. I know I alluded

00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:39.400
to this earlier for the listeners, but you haven't

00:29:39.400 --> 00:29:44.099
talked about this much and sometimes Talking

00:29:44.099 --> 00:29:46.720
about it helps bring it back. If we were to talk

00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:49.839
again in a month, there would probably be more

00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:53.619
solid thoughts on some of it, and that's okay.

00:29:53.640 --> 00:29:56.319
That doesn't make it any less real or anything

00:29:56.319 --> 00:29:58.779
else. Let's get back to the physical world now.

00:29:58.819 --> 00:30:02.519
So you come back to your body, then what happens?

00:30:03.240 --> 00:30:06.420
How are you feeling? I remember looking around

00:30:06.420 --> 00:30:13.339
the room and reorienting myself. The medwives

00:30:13.339 --> 00:30:18.160
were pulling the mask away. I was in bed. Somehow

00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:23.440
I had gotten to bed. And my partner was there

00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:28.220
with my daughter, looking over me, very pleased

00:30:28.220 --> 00:30:33.839
that I had come back. And I tried to say what

00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:36.500
had happened, but everybody was saying, no, you

00:30:36.500 --> 00:30:41.019
need to rest. You need to... you know, just orient

00:30:41.019 --> 00:30:45.680
yourself. And so I did because it seemed that

00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:49.299
it was it was really important what had happened.

00:30:50.079 --> 00:30:54.319
And I wanted to tell the story, but it is like

00:30:54.319 --> 00:30:57.920
they I needed to also bond with my baby. I needed

00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:01.880
to come back with my partner and thank the midwives

00:31:01.880 --> 00:31:05.779
and go through whatever. you know, procedure

00:31:05.779 --> 00:31:09.859
I need to go through in order to confirm my wellness.

00:31:10.799 --> 00:31:13.960
And so, you know, I did all that. When there

00:31:13.960 --> 00:31:17.559
were moments when I wanted to talk about the

00:31:17.559 --> 00:31:21.339
near -death experience, there was really no one

00:31:21.339 --> 00:31:26.599
to talk to. And if I brought it up, the few times

00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:30.440
I did bring it up in the last 40 years, I found

00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:32.700
that people didn't have a reference for something

00:31:32.700 --> 00:31:35.240
like that and so they didn't know what to ask

00:31:35.240 --> 00:31:38.680
and maybe it made them feel uncomfortable. And

00:31:38.680 --> 00:31:44.819
so I learned not to mention it. But I did write

00:31:44.819 --> 00:31:49.980
about it. I wrote a lot after because the ability

00:31:49.980 --> 00:31:55.480
to write came in. The ability to take people

00:31:55.480 --> 00:32:01.240
into, past that threshold came in. into presence,

00:32:01.559 --> 00:32:08.119
into the void, and became my way of working with

00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:11.539
groups and people to take them into that space

00:32:11.539 --> 00:32:15.740
of, I call, probabilities and possibilities because

00:32:15.740 --> 00:32:18.960
I don't know what is there for me or that person.

00:32:19.940 --> 00:32:22.559
And basically how that developed, it was just

00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:26.359
like going back. It was about five years, six

00:32:26.359 --> 00:32:30.740
years after the birth, I started to write. I

00:32:30.740 --> 00:32:35.319
started to hear stories of the past and write

00:32:35.319 --> 00:32:38.420
them out. It was like stories that needed to

00:32:38.420 --> 00:32:41.579
be told by people who had experienced life and

00:32:41.579 --> 00:32:44.500
suffered came through in poetry and in song.

00:32:45.119 --> 00:32:48.940
And then I was trying to figure out, well, where

00:32:48.940 --> 00:32:52.839
am I in all this? I started to write every day

00:32:52.839 --> 00:32:58.019
asking the same question. Why have I gone through

00:32:58.019 --> 00:33:00.559
this experience when my life doesn't seem like

00:33:00.559 --> 00:33:03.980
it's changed much? I was a single mother by then

00:33:03.980 --> 00:33:07.599
with three children on social assistance. I decided

00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:11.599
to home learn my kids because I had received

00:33:11.599 --> 00:33:15.700
the information to create basically to teach

00:33:15.700 --> 00:33:19.640
them as if I was in the mystery school. And so

00:33:19.640 --> 00:33:22.859
I did, but every morning I would sit with my

00:33:22.859 --> 00:33:25.960
notebook and go, why am I still here in this

00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:29.500
depression? Why am I here in this feeling, these

00:33:29.500 --> 00:33:32.799
emotions that are so hard every morning to wake

00:33:32.799 --> 00:33:36.319
up to and to move through? And I'm expected to

00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:40.299
put in a smile and connect with my kids and connect

00:33:40.299 --> 00:33:44.339
with the world and move through it. Welcome to

00:33:44.339 --> 00:33:49.609
life here on earth. It is not easy. So I would

00:33:49.609 --> 00:33:53.009
receive these answers that I realized were like

00:33:53.009 --> 00:33:55.990
15 years 20 years down the road There are answers

00:33:55.990 --> 00:33:59.390
of who I would become how it would be speaking

00:33:59.390 --> 00:34:02.250
how it would be supporting people, but I would

00:34:02.250 --> 00:34:06.369
argue With whoever was answering saying this

00:34:06.369 --> 00:34:08.909
is not practical. This is not what's going on

00:34:08.909 --> 00:34:11.769
in my life here now I'm depressed. I've got three

00:34:11.769 --> 00:34:16.909
kids. I don't know what to do If you're not gonna

00:34:16.909 --> 00:34:21.619
make it practical Don't come back But yet I'd

00:34:21.619 --> 00:34:23.860
find myself sitting waiting for another answer

00:34:23.860 --> 00:34:29.760
the next day Yeah, it was a hard movement But

00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:32.559
then it's like things started to open up. I started

00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:37.219
traveling to Mount Shasta my Kundalini rose there

00:34:37.219 --> 00:34:42.800
I heard Voices from the mountain I came back

00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:46.900
that same voice the one that I heard in my near

00:34:46.900 --> 00:34:52.500
-death experience I was part of a single mother

00:34:52.500 --> 00:34:58.059
support network, and I wanted to... I didn't

00:34:58.059 --> 00:35:03.300
know what I was doing. I just wanted to do something

00:35:03.300 --> 00:35:06.679
for a single mother. I didn't know. I thought,

00:35:06.900 --> 00:35:11.400
if I invite her for tea, then something will

00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:15.199
happen. And I did. I invited her for tea, and

00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:18.469
then... I was going to pick some oracle cards

00:35:18.469 --> 00:35:21.750
and kind of put them out in front of us. And

00:35:21.750 --> 00:35:24.190
a voice, that voice said, you don't need the

00:35:24.190 --> 00:35:27.570
cards. And I said, what are you talking? I started

00:35:27.570 --> 00:35:33.510
arguing. And she, so we didn't. And I told her,

00:35:33.530 --> 00:35:36.590
I said, look, I know you don't know me. I don't

00:35:36.590 --> 00:35:39.530
know how you can trust this, but she like, her

00:35:39.530 --> 00:35:42.309
eyes went big like this and she got up and she

00:35:42.309 --> 00:35:44.369
started jumping up and down. She goes, I knew

00:35:44.369 --> 00:35:46.329
something was gonna happen. I knew something

00:35:46.329 --> 00:35:52.570
was gonna happen. The voice guided us into under

00:35:52.570 --> 00:35:55.869
a tree, a Buddha tree. That's why I think it

00:35:55.869 --> 00:36:00.110
was Buddha. She was being initiated into Buddhahood.

00:36:00.829 --> 00:36:03.889
She was becoming a Buddha and I was the one that

00:36:03.889 --> 00:36:07.599
was initiating her. But I didn't know I was the

00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:11.059
one initiating it for years. It was like I couldn't

00:36:11.059 --> 00:36:14.440
see myself as that. I couldn't see myself doing

00:36:14.440 --> 00:36:18.360
that. I just thought we were both guided. And

00:36:18.360 --> 00:36:21.579
then that voice continued to guide me with others

00:36:21.579 --> 00:36:24.679
and take them into the underworld. So for years

00:36:24.679 --> 00:36:28.860
I went into the underworld to retrieve soul fragments.

00:36:29.980 --> 00:36:35.239
Very scary stuff. And then I... was in a car

00:36:35.239 --> 00:36:40.719
accident. That was one of my first real visitations,

00:36:41.420 --> 00:36:45.719
was this being showed up in front of me and said,

00:36:46.880 --> 00:36:50.139
I'm gonna tell you three things. You gotta stop

00:36:50.139 --> 00:36:54.079
risking your life. You gotta start appreciating

00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:57.360
what you're given. Appreciate your life. And

00:36:57.360 --> 00:37:03.559
we'll talk again. And within three months, a

00:37:03.559 --> 00:37:06.780
book came through. It was a long time before

00:37:06.780 --> 00:37:10.639
I realized that this was going to be how I evolved,

00:37:10.840 --> 00:37:15.639
what was going to be, how I opened up, how the

00:37:15.639 --> 00:37:18.019
world was going to open up, how people were going

00:37:18.019 --> 00:37:22.679
to move through. And it was a book that talked

00:37:22.679 --> 00:37:25.920
about the pandemic, great change that would happen

00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:29.920
on earth. And this is how we were going to anchor

00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:33.079
in the new earth, the new world, the new energies.

00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:36.940
And so I got processes for anchoring into the

00:37:36.940 --> 00:37:41.079
electromagnetic field, how it was going to benefit

00:37:41.079 --> 00:37:47.199
us. I was shown how we have to live and die differently.

00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:51.280
We have to learn how to die differently. We have

00:37:51.280 --> 00:37:54.179
to finish our unfinished business before we go.

00:37:54.940 --> 00:37:58.190
There was talk about nature being our greatest

00:37:58.190 --> 00:38:01.889
teacher and how we've been deceiving ourselves

00:38:01.889 --> 00:38:05.090
thinking that we know what love is or compassion

00:38:05.090 --> 00:38:09.949
is or connection is when really most of us haven't

00:38:09.949 --> 00:38:14.309
had a true or direct knowing of that and have

00:38:14.309 --> 00:38:18.530
been raised in conditions that that wasn't part

00:38:18.530 --> 00:38:22.730
of the equation. Well, before we wrap up, a couple

00:38:22.730 --> 00:38:25.349
things. Number one, how much fear of death do

00:38:25.349 --> 00:38:30.880
you have? I don't have any. I feel like I can

00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:33.420
walk through the door and walk back, maybe. I

00:38:33.420 --> 00:38:38.559
don't know. I'm fine. I'm fine. I actually had

00:38:38.559 --> 00:38:42.360
a dream not too long ago, about two months ago,

00:38:42.380 --> 00:38:45.480
and I was seeing people go through the threshold.

00:38:46.099 --> 00:38:49.760
I thought, oh, I must be in line up too. And

00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:53.659
all of a sudden this man, caretaker in the dream

00:38:53.659 --> 00:38:57.489
says, oh no. Not you, honey, you're not done

00:38:57.489 --> 00:39:02.590
yet. You don't get to go yet. Now, and lastly,

00:39:02.869 --> 00:39:07.610
if you were to look back and talk to that young

00:39:07.610 --> 00:39:10.389
mother with three children that was depressed

00:39:10.389 --> 00:39:14.349
and struggling with all the experience that you've

00:39:14.349 --> 00:39:16.469
had since then, what would you tell her now?

00:39:17.730 --> 00:39:21.809
I would tell her about all the beings that surround

00:39:21.809 --> 00:39:26.909
her and the support that is there. that she doesn't

00:39:26.909 --> 00:39:30.889
know that is there and that she's been taught

00:39:30.889 --> 00:39:35.969
in a way to separate herself from life and to

00:39:35.969 --> 00:39:40.909
feel separate when that is not a truth. When

00:39:40.909 --> 00:39:45.449
the truth is we're all part of one living consciousness

00:39:45.449 --> 00:39:49.070
that supports each other and interacts through

00:39:49.070 --> 00:39:53.309
energy and vibration and that if she could just

00:39:53.309 --> 00:40:00.579
breathe and slow her breath down into a state

00:40:00.579 --> 00:40:03.519
of presence of being, then that she would begin

00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:07.679
to feel everything that's around her. And where

00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:10.239
could she find joy in her life at that point?

00:40:11.199 --> 00:40:15.579
Joy is another, it's a thought most of the time.

00:40:16.219 --> 00:40:19.420
We think joy should look a certain way or feel

00:40:19.420 --> 00:40:21.940
a certain way or we should have joy or this,

00:40:21.940 --> 00:40:27.730
but when When there's that state of beingness

00:40:27.730 --> 00:40:33.510
Wellness and happiness is like spontaneous It's

00:40:33.510 --> 00:40:37.690
not defined in that place just like love or anything

00:40:37.690 --> 00:40:42.269
else is not really defined It's naturally felt

00:40:42.269 --> 00:40:46.889
So can we feel it here? Do you feel it here?

00:40:47.630 --> 00:40:52.300
Yes often, but not all the time So what is it

00:40:52.300 --> 00:40:55.340
that keeps you from feeling it all the time?

00:40:55.940 --> 00:40:58.159
Some of those things that you mentioned earlier

00:40:58.159 --> 00:41:02.079
that just are part of life that get in the way

00:41:02.079 --> 00:41:05.460
of that. The day -to -day things we have to do.

00:41:05.639 --> 00:41:08.300
Go to the grocery store, make a living, pay the

00:41:08.300 --> 00:41:11.699
bills. That kind of stuff just distracts us,

00:41:12.059 --> 00:41:14.380
right? The rude person on the highway, those

00:41:14.380 --> 00:41:17.599
things just distract us from where the real joy

00:41:17.599 --> 00:41:22.420
is. It's where self -compassion comes in, basically

00:41:22.420 --> 00:41:25.340
giving yourself compassion for being focused

00:41:25.340 --> 00:41:28.239
somewhere else, you know, because there's a part

00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:30.900
of you that seems to be holding that against

00:41:30.900 --> 00:41:35.019
you, that you're not there. Well, there's a part

00:41:35.019 --> 00:41:38.920
of me that wants to feel that joy all the time,

00:41:39.380 --> 00:41:43.039
and I let those things get in the way. Breathing

00:41:43.039 --> 00:41:47.429
coming back to the breath. Yeah. Breath is life,

00:41:47.829 --> 00:41:51.730
breath is connection. My first experience was

00:41:51.730 --> 00:41:55.289
a plant was sitting in front of it and I was

00:41:55.289 --> 00:42:02.110
asked to just remember that the plant needs carbon

00:42:02.110 --> 00:42:08.530
dioxide and in return it offers oxygen and so

00:42:08.530 --> 00:42:12.090
I was breathing my carbon dioxide to the plant

00:42:12.090 --> 00:42:15.639
directly. and then breathing in the oxygen and

00:42:15.639 --> 00:42:19.960
it wasn't like two three minutes after that there

00:42:19.960 --> 00:42:25.219
was a connection it was a tangible vibrational

00:42:25.219 --> 00:42:29.400
connection and then i heard ask me my secrets

00:42:29.400 --> 00:42:34.679
oh of the plants we're gonna have a little session

00:42:34.679 --> 00:42:36.239
when we're done here we're gonna have a little

00:42:36.239 --> 00:42:40.460
chat with these plants Hey Tammy, I appreciate

00:42:40.460 --> 00:42:44.920
you being with me today. Thank you. It was insightful

00:42:44.920 --> 00:42:47.619
and gave me a lot to think about too. Appreciate

00:42:47.619 --> 00:42:52.000
you sharing. Thank you so much. I really appreciate

00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:56.840
the container that you created for this to occur.

00:42:57.079 --> 00:43:10.119
Thank you. If you want to share your near -death

00:43:10.119 --> 00:43:12.739
experience, or if you have questions or comments

00:43:12.739 --> 00:43:16.019
about the show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath

00:43:16.019 --> 00:43:19.199
.com. Until then, I wish you everything good

00:43:19.199 --> 00:43:21.539
that you're looking for in this life and the

00:43:21.539 --> 00:43:21.900
next.