Death From Covid, NDE With Angelic Music Sing-along

0:03 From the time that they pronounced me that was a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I could see people screaming and crying But I didn't realize that was actually my physical body because I was somewhere else The only thing that I could feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was greeted by people I had known in the past I'm back home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody. And a warm welcome this morning to Holly Porter, who's coming to us from Southern Utah. And hey, it's great to have you, Holly. Thanks. Great to be here, Eric. Hey, one thing that I forgot to forewarn you of, and that is on this show.

0:56 We like to get to know our guests a little bit personally. So if you wouldn't mind, before we jump into your near -death experience, taking just one minute to tell us a little bit about you. Who is Holly? Well, thank you. Well, I've always been an entrepreneur. I grew up with parents that were entrepreneurs, and I am from a family of nine children. and then my parents. And so I've always had my own companies. I've had 11 startup companies, not even counting all the little things that I did over the years or help my kids set up in business, not even counting those. So I just, I get excited about new things. I don't jump ship easy. I usually overlap what I do. So I've had all kinds of businesses from I had a hair salon for 20 years. I've done real estate for over 20 years. We've had a concrete company for, I don't know, 30 something years.

1:48 You have a nonprofit. We have a nonprofit. Yeah, I'll share a little bit more about that in my story. And that's that's an exciting thing that's came just in the last few years. We also have eight children of our own and 18 grandkids. I think that's it. You deserve a round of applause for that. That's fantastic. So congratulations, you are a busy person. And I don't know how with everything you have going on, how you ever had time to get sick. But in 2021, what happened? Well, I really didn't. I got a common cold usually once a year maybe, but I just I was a very healthy person. So when we were in the midst of COVID, we started going back to events and I love events.

2:33 I participate and have my own. So I ended up going to a conference and came back with COVID, the Delta version. And I always think about sitting on that plane, how many people I infected on my way home. And I pray none of them died from that because I got so sick. So I came home, I fought it and really almost refused and didn't even consider going to the hospital for a week. Because like I said, I just... thought I'd be fine until I woke up and intuitively knew I was not fine. I got him sick when I got home. We were living in a fifth wheel, so we're tiny little quarters of germs. We were waiting to close on a house, which we ultimately ended up losing because they didn't know if I'd live or die.

3:18 So we had to get another house later down the road. But he took me to the hospital and just dropped me off. Not just dropped me off, dropped me off at the front to go park. Let me clarify that. Just open the door and kick you right out. See you later. Get out. I can't help you anymore. Well, he said he parked and by the time he walked in to the ER, they already had me on my way up to the ICU. ER, I've never heard that quick. moving. They knew I was in trouble. My oxygen was at 63. They said I probably would have made it maybe another hour as bad as I was. So four days, I think it was pretty clear. I didn't want to be intubated. I actually ended up getting intubated twice, had a trachea, had sepsis, and a couple of other life threatening infections while I was there that any one of those would have taken me out. But the will to live was there, I guess, and God's will was there. And that's where I had About within a three and a half week period of time is where I had all of these experiences.

4:18 And I wasn't aware that there was out of body spiritual transformation experiences and near death experience. I just, I'd only heard of near death experiences. So it's been a learning journey for me and it's, it's been a game changer and a life changer for me. Well, I want to talk about all of those, but let's start with the near death experience itself and then we'll branch out from there. So was there a time where you were clinically dead or someplace in between? Because we've heard near -death experiences from people that were in comas, including people that had COVID. Where were you at? What happened? I don't ever, anyone were telling me that I flatlined. So I guess I would say the in -between, which is interesting.

5:04 The in -between is part of my story. So for me, my journey started. I left in these experiences. I mean, I laugh about it because it's kind of funny. But I mean, it just was my story. So I would leave in my bed. And there's even even a chapter we're writing in a book called, you know, my book that's called me in my bed, because I think subconsciously, I was aware I was sick. And I was aware I wasn't doing well. And if I left my body to go to these places. I might not get it back. And I think I really knew that. And so I took it with me. So the near death experience was the same. I took my bed and now I'm going down the hallway to the long corridor. And I remember kind of sitting up shaking my finger at the receptionist saying, I rescind my DNR.

5:54 I rescind my DNR. And I think they had just had me sign all that because when they put the ventilator in you, you pretty much sign your life away, which seems really odd because that's under duress for real estate. I don't know how that's not duress. Yeah, terrifying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, and it's really tricky when they intubate you, by the way. They only have these few seconds because you've got to be stable enough that you could not have a breath long enough for them to get the tubes down you. Yeah, it's traumatic. I never suffered from PTSD or... or anxiety before. And so all those things, I mean, if you, anyone that has that kind of experience definitely has suffered from that. But in the experience, I'm going down the corridor and then I'm seeing all these other beds going with me. I don't know.

6:42 I didn't give it much thought, but we're all just hanging out, going down these hallways. And I look back now and think those were probably other people in the hospital dying because we had half of them at the time dying. They had two full floors full of people with this Delta version. Next thing I know, I'm in like what I call a stadium. It was like you figure the biggest football stadium or whatever that you see. And in the sky boxes was where all of us got to go because we were in beds and we couldn't get out of them. So we all got put there. And then there was this like pause. It's like, next thing I know, I'm out of my bed and I'm in that stadium and there's thousands of people. I remember seeing all this matter floating around and everything was just, it was so bright that I'm surprised I could see. I could see very clearly and I'm legally blind. I need hefty correction to get my eyesight. I remember that being kind of an aha. I was like, Wow, I can see the best I can see, even with all this matter and stuff swirling around. What do you mean by matter? What did it look like? Like fog, but it was bright. Everything necessarily maybe wasn't white, but just bright.

7:58 Yeah, it would just like swirl around, but I could see most everybody I could see from the waist up, but I do remember seeing feet and nobody was on the ground. So there's thousands of people, nobody's touching the ground. I don't remember having any thoughts that that was weird because I was like in the moment. I was there. I was like so fascinated with this experience and they, everybody's having fun. I say it was a concert because then the music starts and the music is coming from all four directions everywhere. It's singing and it's, it's just like. the most angelic voices I've ever heard. And I'm a singer, not now, COVID took my voice away, unfortunately, but I remember I didn't recognize any of the songs, but I knew the words to every song. So I'm just sitting there enjoying it with people singing along and they're having these conversations, nobody's talking. So it all had to be, you know, telepathy. And I remember it was like light speed.

9:02 If you had a thought, you had an answer. If you wanted to know something, you knew it just like everything was just like, and so I remember doing all that. And then the next thing I know, I'm having what I would call my life review. And all I'm seeing is love. All I'm seeing is, you know, hugging and, and acts of good service and kindness. And, and I don't know if at that moment I remember thinking, where's all the bad? I mean, I probably had that thought. That was just it. I just kept seeing good after good after good. And then I was told two things. I was told I had pitched a company with a new business idea that had a billionaire backer. And the day I found out I had COVID, I pitched about nine people on a Zoom. And I was told not to partner with them. That wasn't the highest and best use. to put with that company that that wasn't the right thing to do and don't do it. It'll take you longer.

9:59 Don't do it. So that was the first thing. The second thing I was told was to start this nonprofit and it was called Adventure Bucket Wish. And I thought, oh, that's a, I remember thinking that's a fun name. That sounds fun to me, you know, and I like fun. If it's not fun, I'm not doing it. So that was the only instructions I got. Nothing else was laid out. No other assignment. I didn't get a choice to stay or to go. I just had to come back. So next thing I know, I'm back in my body. I'm very anxious and probably a little agitated and scared. So my husband couldn't come stay with me in the hospital for three and a half weeks because he had COVID. So they wouldn't let him in. And when he did finally get to come, I can have one person every 24 hours. And so I had two twin sisters that would take 24 hour shifts. Most of the time they were the ones with me and they would stay. And I think intuitively they knew in the beginning that I needed I needed them there. I feel like they saved my life by being there. Just the accountability for the medical staff, just for the comfort for me. So the sister's there and she could tell something was going on. Well, I couldn't talk because I was still intubated and they had brought out an alphabet and I could point at letters to spell things out, which sometimes one word took me like two hours to spell because I was so weak.

11:24 She starts bringing that out and I start spelling K -I -D. And she says, oh, do you need me to tell your kids or do something with your kids? And she knew that wasn't it. And then N -A -P. And she said, when you spelled out kidnap, I had ran an errand because I was doing better. When I came back, obviously my body was doing better. And she ran an errand. came back and she said, what happened? She goes, I wanted to throw up because I was like, I just left for a little bit. So right when she figures out what I say, the doctor and the nurse come in and they come to exubate me and take the tube out. So she said, this was in between my first and my second intubation. And she said, when they took it out, you could talk, not very well, but you had a lot to say. I realized quickly there were people in the room, spirits in the room, and I realized quickly that I was the only one that could see them. After the doctor and nurse left, my sister was opening up the bathroom door, the closet, the drawers, showing me no one's in here, no one's in here. And so I was always really unsettled. Why did I feel kidnapped? I just was at the best concert of my life. That's the way I looked at it at the time. I mean, I was having the best time ever. Why would I feel kidnapped?

12:43 So I didn't get an answer to that until two years later. So two years after that, I had the worst, worst two years of my whole life. I was doing things that I was told I incorporated these two companies within like three months out of the hospital. And because long COVID was just getting known of what that is, of course that came and then all the crappy diagnoses came and all the life -threatening lung disease came, and all these other things came after I got out of the hospital, not counting the rehabilitation, staying on oxygen for eight more months. There was a lot of things that were happening, a lot of COVID fog. You would think that your family would embrace you thinking they just about lost you, and they still could have. I was still very ill. And it was like I repelled everybody. I had my husband, a couple close friends, and a couple siblings who I felt like my whole world was. I felt like they were the only ones that had my back. I found myself in jeopardized relationships with siblings and with my children. And I couldn't make sense of any of it. I was going through the hardest time ever. So for two years, I went through this, cried every day, prayed almost every day that I would have died. I just thought, why would a God of love, why would he save me to put me through this hell? Why? I don't understand. Why didn't you just let me die? So of course, when we're in things and in circumstances, we don't

14:15 really understand until later when we look back and see really what was happening. So fast forward two years, I was really feeling like I was working on a book and I was feeling like I knew the out -of -body experiences. I knew the spiritual transformation experience that I had. I was very clear on all those. But then near death, there was some gaps. I mean, when I bounced from the bed to the arena, it was just like... What's going on here? So out of integrity for my book, I asked a friend of mine who does hypnosis and he trained me in hypnosis a few years prior. So I was very familiar with the way it works. And I asked him if he'd do a session on just my NDE. So we did about an hour and 40 minute session. And I'm telling you that was almost as good as the NDE. It's weird that I didn't compare them, but I'll share and then you'll understand why. Can I just interject a couple things as long as we have a little pause here right now? It is relatively normal for people to remember some of their NDE immediately and then have more memories of it come back as time goes on. That doesn't make it any less real, okay? In fact, I want to hear all about the hypnosis.

15:30 So how about if we do some questions on this part and then let's move on to the hypnosis in the next chapter? You said that the songs that were being sung by this angelic choir in this stadium, that you didn't know them, but you knew the words somehow. Do you remember any of those words? Do you remember anything that was sung? That is such a good question. I never thought about it. I don't think so. I don't think so, but hopefully that's more of what I'll remember later. Because I just remember they were so beautiful. And I was like, I've never heard these, but I could sing right along. Like I had everything memorized. OK, my next question. I have too many.

16:12 Our listeners know this. I go crazy with questions, but I'll I'll try to keep them brief. Was there any kind of an unusual feeling going back into your body or was it just a very natural thing? I remember just, yeah, just being there. I remember not getting a choice to come back and just being there. OK, I want to know a little bit more about your life review. You said you only remembered the good things. Can you give us any examples of some that you remember seeing or experiencing in that review? Yeah. I saw a lot of acts of service that I had done over the years. Everything's so fast. The time is just so different. What I'm seeing is almost like clips. I don't know how to explain it than that. For me, what was slow and what was moving was the hugs. I remember just like that's how love was being shown a lot to me. My opinion is I believe that God shows everybody in their experiences how you will understand it so for me, you know love love meant hugs and support and People having your back and it was just for me. It was more of what I was showing people They were giving back because of what I was giving does that make sense? Yeah, and what are you feeling during all of this? Oh, unconditional love and joy and the peace. I don't think I had ever felt that kind of peace ever.

17:42 A lot of people are worried that this is going to be some kind of judgmental shame, how dare you, this kind of stuff. But life reviews aren't that way. Although some people report that they remember some things that they had done wrong in a way that they hurt another person. But it still was not associated with guilt and shame. It was just a learning type of experience. Did you have any of those too? Because you said you only had positive ones. Yeah, well, and I found out later when I did a hypnosis session, why. All right, jump into the hypnosis. Okay, I was like, I want to tell you. Okay, so I go to have this hypnosis session and the first place I end up being being in here was where I didn't remember from my NDE. So I was in this what I call the in between. It was in dark and it wasn't light.

18:38 And so the darks on the right side and the less of the light side. And I'm seeing all that matter that I saw in my NDE of the light. But now it's like shadowy. It's it's I wasn't scared. I didn't feel evil things around me. I just I remember I felt confusion. I felt why why am I here? It was just weird to be stuck in this in -between. I remember looking off on the right side, but way off in the distance in front of me was a mountain that had one eye on it. And I remember thinking that was really weird that I saw that. And so I saw it twice. When I saw it the second time, I remember saying to myself, all right, noted. Obviously, I'm supposed to see this. I don't know why you're looking at me, but whatever.

19:24 So there was that experience. And then the hypnotist said, is the matter, is there a person there? And I said, I don't know. And so he basically kept saying, can you try to hold the energy? bring it together when it's swirling around and it would swirl around and then some of them would they form into a heart and the heart would would go towards the light like everyone's attracted to light and and i remember thinking that was that was really really neat to see and then he said hold that energy there and so i did and then i'd hold it and it would disperse and i'd hold it and it would disperse and he's just just keep trying to hold it is it a person yes It's an entity. Okay. So in hypnosis, I don't know if people know this or not, but a lot of times whoever you're having a challenge with or working on a problem, they have them become you so that the hypnotist can speak to them and find out how do we resolve this. And I knew all that.

20:17 I was trained. So I knew all that. I wasn't afraid at all. I mean, I thought about it later and I thought, why would I want to become an entity? But it wasn't a fearful thing. So he has him become me. And he says, when I count backwards from three, to one, you're going to tell me your name." He says, three, two, one, and I blurt out Darby. I'm still listening to all this, so I know what's going on. I don't even know where that name came from. Interestingly enough, three times in the month after that, I heard that name, Darby. That was interesting. He talked to Darby. Darby didn't have any connection to me. Darby wanted my light. Remember when I felt kidnapped and never could figure out why I felt kidnapped well Darby came and intervened Jokingly, I always thought my theory was I probably all have a guide and they all have to learn their jobs So my guide must have been in training and he took me before he was supposed to so I know I kind of thought that well I wasn't that far off because in the hypnosis session Darby was an entity, he wasn't my guide. He was an entity that took me because he wanted my light. So he brought me there and I had to have a spiritual intervention to get back on course. So he just he said, I can't go to the light and I can't have my own, so I want hers. And this banter went back and forth with the hypnotist and him. And, well, you know, you're

21:48 stealing that from her. That's her light. That's hers to have, not yours. And yes, they went back and forth for a while till finally he wouldn't release me until the light was coming to get me. So I remember my eyes are closed. I'm feeling the heat and more the heat from how bright it was. And I remember Ah, this is the bright that I felt at that concert, you know, and I remember having it come and he said, it's coming together and I'm not going to be able to stop it. So ultimately he finally releases me so I can go to have my own light. And when I walk forward, there's this tree there and the tree like split. So almost like a fork in the road for me. Like I could go to the dark side or the light side. And of course I chose a light, but the tree gave me so much calmness and peace because my retreat R &R company that I had just incorporated and everything, when I was doing the branding for it over those two years, I knew it had to have a tree in the logo. And when the gentleman that created it came back, it had 11 leaves and 11 roots to it. I never had him change one thing.

23:03 I later interviewed him about what his thought process was when he was making it because I thought that was not by mistake. So 1111, my release date from the hospital was 1111, even my birthday is 11. So there was just all these things and it just, what it was was another, I felt what I would call God gift that you created that logo and you didn't even remember this from your NDE. Well done. That's how it felt. It's like, yes. So that made me really happy to see that. So then I get over to the light and all of that matter floating around over there, of course, is light now, but now there's a bunch like pink into it, like a pink. It reminded me just a pink court hearts. That was the second. So I was told not to partner with the guy on the retreat company.

23:54 And then I was told to start this nonprofit, which I had done both by this time. I saw the hearts, and when we had a fundraiser for the nonprofit, our first gala, in the little gift bag that I gave everybody, intuitively I knew I needed to put a rose -colored heart in each one, quartz. No one questioned it. I didn't even give it much thought. Same with the logo. I just knew I needed to do that. And I put everyone, everyone had one of those in their bag. And I remember when I saw those and realized those are the, that's that matter, and it's forming hearts and now they're pink. Again, it was like, wow, you did that. You realized you needed to do that because it is all about love. And at that moment, the message that I forgot about, so in the live review, when it was all about love, well, sure, of course, heaven's all about love. But I didn't get the rest of it. And when I was given that, it shifted a lot of my perception about the crazy two years I had just been through, which I really needed at the time. And I needed that hope. Basically, the message was, love them where they're at. And if you think, if I would have remembered all of that, it would have changed my reactions and the way I dealt with those two years. I wouldn't have had all those lessons that I had. A lot of those lessons were for the philanthropy work I'm supposed to do in the future.

25:17 They were to show me a corrupt system of people and... situations and I had attorneys involved, I had grandkids involved, I mean it was ugly. And learning all those things from that experience, I was grateful. I had gratitude and I thought, wow, thank you for not giving me that message until now. And then I was told from the hypnotist, which I know were not his words, he said, more will be revealed to you when the time is right. And that brought me so much peace because I usually want to know everything and I don't like surprises. And I was like, okay. I was just like, and it's been kind of nice to live my life since then, knowing more will be revealed. That's exciting for me. I probably couldn't have handled everything I would have had and would have remembered. Back to the life review. That's where I questioned, why am I only seeing? I mean, I'm not complaining I'm seeing good, but why am I only seeing good?

26:17 The message was said to me. because this is what mattered. And that just, oh, made my heart happy. I thought, you know, you're right. I can be judged on all the bad things I did, okay, maybe, but God is a God of love and maybe He just didn't want me to see all that. I didn't need to relive it. I knew what I had done. Why does He have to show me? If He shows me the good, I felt like that was just another healing part of the last two years for me to feel like. You're right. And we all need to just love people where they're at, because He showed me in that, that is what matters. I'm just trying to soak all of that in. I love that. Thank you. You used the term spiritual intervention. What did you mean by that exactly? Well, that's the words that came to me later when I put the pieces together. So I just put the pieces together of, I had the near death and I knew Darby got me, but I just put like this year, That Darby was who took me from the hospital I don't know why I didn't connect that and then until I did and that was another thing More will be revealed to you. I felt like when I was ready to understand that's what happened That's when I knew that so he took me from the hospital brought me to the in -between to get my light The words that just came to me was a spiritual intervention because that's what it felt like when the light came and was hitting my face And that's when he had to release me because it was coming to get me. And I felt like

27:48 that's what it felt like was a spiritual intervention. They had to come back and say, no, no, you're not. You're not supposed to be doing this. That's why you're in the in between. She gets to go to the light. You know, you need to release her. So that's just what it felt like to me. OK. And with your life review, did you? Specifically ask somebody, why am I not remembering these other things? Or was it just sort of a thought? I want to go down this path for a second. Yeah, totally a thought. I don't ever remember speaking. Everything was in my mind. But the answer came as a thought also? Yeah, instantly, because this is what mattered. Yeah. Because this is what mattered. A lot of religions have a belief in repentance. Is that something that you believe in? I do. Yeah, I do. Do you think those things weren't there because you had repented of them?

28:42 That's such an interesting thought. It's possible. I mean, my first gut feeling on that question would be, you know, I just got the message 11 where they're at. So it's like it was showing me how many times I had done that. And that's what mattered. So maybe. I'm sure there's plenty I haven't repented of. How does love them where they're at apply to things today? Because to me, I love that. It sounds like just a very non -judgmental way to live. Well, the funny thing is I don't even know if those words are at proper English. Love them. I don't know if they are. I'm from a family and we say funny things for different words, just how we were raised. I thought about it later and I thought that could be another way it was said to me so I would understand it.

29:29 I don't know. But I've told that story. I had a gentleman earlier this year that I was on a business cruise and we stayed up quite late in the evening having me share the story with him and he was a therapist. He had a lot of issues and almost hate in his heart for people that were doing really bad things in the world. And he said, when I told him that message, the next day he messaged me and he said, you have changed my life by those words. He said, I am really looking at things differently and the perception and how I felt. You're right. It's not my place to judge. This was like earlier this year and it's been months and months now. And he just messaged me the other day and was again saying, I'll never forget that conversation we had. And that made me so happy to think that those words, I mean, they've changed my life, no doubt, but it takes the judgment away. We have a people, it's who they are. It brings in the compassion and that love. If we just remember those words, they're simple words. I know you also wanted to share some about out -of -body experiences and spiritually transformative experiences and I'm using the full length terms because OBE and STE is not known by everybody. Is there anything else with the NDE that you want to talk about before we move on to those? No, I think that pretty much summed it up. I was just glad I got the rest of the story and more to come is, I

30:59 guess, how I would put it. Out of body experiences, I can just share. I had lots of them. And I really haven't talked to people or listened to people's out -of -body experiences much. And I didn't do even listen to any NDEs or anything for about a year after I got out of the hospital. I was in my own turmoil for one. But for two, I felt like I had so much missing those gaps that I didn't want it to cloud by listening to other people's stories. I felt like now I listen to them and it helps me remember things. But then I felt like it would have tainted what I knew and what I felt out of body. I didn't know anything about, again. Most of the time, ironically, I would go to this town in Perowen, Utah. Do you know where that is, since you're in Utah? I do.

31:45 It's not far from Cedar City, right? Right, which is so ironic that that's where I ended up a lot. So the funny thing is, I would take my bed with me, because I think I thought I wouldn't get it back. And sometimes, some days that I would leave, I was like in a ... shipping container, like that was my hospital room in my mind, and an ambulance, don't ask me why an ambulance, they would hook up to it and they would haul me off on my out -of -body journey where I needed to go because I knew I was sick and I couldn't get there on my own. So I had that happen a lot. At the end of the day, they would back it in at the hospital. It was like a wing, you know, to the hospital. put me back in there so I'd have medical care at night. So that happened many times. And I would go to Perwin, Utah, which there is a home there that's now the city owns and it's a museum. And I knew I had been there with my kids when they were little. We did a cousin's camp because I knew it was a relative.

32:41 I thought maybe a great, great grandfather. I found out later it was three greats, great, great, great grandfather's home, Jesse M. Smith. So I was like, okay, I don't know why I'm here. But I went back there a couple years later. And I remember they had remodeled it a couple times. But I remember this creepy staircase that was kind of a spiral staircase that had it went to a dirt floor at the basement. It was still there. And I remember that being a little bit of an eerie feeling. You know, when you actually see something that you saw in real life, it's just it was interesting. I found out my grandfather didn't live in that home very much. He was he was a missionary for the church and so he was gone a lot. So I don't know if they were practicing.

33:25 I think they might've been practicing polygamy still then. This would have been 165 years ago. So I haven't looked at all the timelines, but that's when the house was built is about that. So that's how far back in time I would go. So there were some interesting things and they weren't all good. There were some creepy things and I don't know why I was seeing a lot of those. For instance, there was a really scary time when I was in, I think it was almost like a little, a school room. And I remember there was some evil in there somehow. And I knew, I knew something was going to happen. So like I reversed time and I remember standing by the door and I remember something was going to break. I remember standing there and this guy and I, if I saw him today, I would know it was him. Like almost looked a little bit. like a Jewish nose and just dark, just very, very dark. He was over on my left shoulder as he walked in that door. And I remember I froze there thinking, I don't want him to see me. I don't want him to see me. And I knew that something was going to fall off one of the shelves and break. And so I remember counting, you know, counting down the one that was happened. And when it happened, I remember his Oh, so clear.

34:36 It creeps me out. You can talk about it. I remember him right there. I could like I could feel his breath. He was so close to me and it broke. And I remember him shaking his head and going. And I just remember being so creeped out and I got out of there as fast as I could. I mean, that was just like one thing. I did go in present time a couple of times to current events and stuff. But anyway, those weren't really significant or anything. Did these all happen while you were in the hospital? Yeah, they were, I believe those were probably before my near death and then maybe after. My STE, the spiritual transformation experience was the last thing I had. Okay, I just want to throw in one fun fact here. But I had ancestors in Parawan in the 1800s too. Probably related.

35:27 We're probably related or our ancestors were friends or something. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. Alright, STE. Okay. So my STE was the last experience that I had in the hospital. It was the most, it was the quickest story to tell, but it was very powerful for me. I mean, it was a matter of life or death. So a little pre -story, I have a cousin, a little bit more like a sister than a cousin. and she lives out of state. She text a message to one of my sisters that was in the hospital with me that day. She had been praying for my husband and I's wellbeing and she had a really spiritual experience and all these spirits came around her, surrounded her that had passed on. She asked who they were because that's who she is. And she got the names one by one. And she said, I normally wouldn't share this kind of an experience on a text. But I know Holly's not doing very well right now, and I think she needs to hear this. And I think she was right, because that was the beginning of what happened. They must have put me back in a coma. Sometimes I was in an induced, sometimes paralyzed. I think they were always induced, but sometimes I was a paralyzed coma, sometimes just to be there, be still so my lungs would heal. And the medications, I mean, they put you on, I guess if you're in pain, you'll come out of your coma. So they keep you on a lot of drugs.

36:51 I remember going back and I remember a lot of my prayers at that point were, you know, this isn't very much fun. I'm not liking this situation. If you're not going to get me better, get me out of here. I'm ready. I was never afraid to die, but I was pretty much done with suffering. I was really upset that my cousin got that experience, kind of like the civil rivalry. Why did she get it and I didn't? I was having that attitude. I just said, it's not fair. I'm the one suffering. Why did she get to experience that? I think I was upset that I wasn't having those kinds of experiences. I was having my crazy out of body experiences. Next thing I know, my mom comes to me on the side of my bed. She's on my right side of my bed. She had just passed away about a year and a half before from Parkinson's. She had suffered for a long time. She was with me a lot in the hospital, but this time when she came, she said to me, she said, it's not your time to go and you need to fight. It was that like mom telling you what to do. It was with love, but it was like your mom would tell you to do something. It was like that. As soon as she said the word fight, I remember a little cringe in myself because I don't love that word.

38:12 All above my bed, so I'm laying in my bed now, and all above my bed come all of these past relatives, all in white. I could see them from the waist up. and they all came all above me. Grandparents and aunts, uncles, my brother had died in a horrific car accident and his wife separately in a horrific car accident. I had just lost a grandbaby six months before. She was two days old when she passed away, but she was an adult and I knew it was her. And that was really special. And so they start chanting, fight, fight. fight. And every time that word would get said, a whole nother group, now in street clothes, which were living people, my siblings, my kids, my husband, they all appeared. And then every time they just keep chanting that just more and more people, I would see more friends and more relatives.

39:08 And it just went on and on and on. I would say thousands of people finally appeared in that. And in that moment, I knew I'd live. It was like, well, how could I not? Look at all the support I have. And I realized later that all those people I didn't know that were there, chanting fight, were all those prayerless. I mean, we were still kind of shut down from COVID. people were hanging onto social media. They were definitely hanging on to my social media. I had friends all over the world. That was the only way they knew if I was living and my sisters would post updates, I would get three or 400 comments on each post. I mean, it was just the love that was shown at later. I printed all that out because you have a bad day and you go read something like that.

39:55 It shifts you really quick. It was just knowing that you have all these people had my back. And I knew I'd live after that. It was like so clear to me that, okay, this isn't gonna be easy, but I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna fight. That's what I've done every day since. That's awesome. All right, what's the takeaway from all this? How has it changed your life? It's interesting because I still feel like I'm the same person in some aspects and then so different in others. I would say I was religious, spiritual, and now I feel like I'm spiritual, religious. If that makes sense, it is shifted that for me. We're just men and women here and having an earthly experience. And I feel like I don't consider time to be as of essence as I like. I'm not.

40:44 I don't push like I used to as a lot slower health wise, obviously. But I just feel like this is such a small speck of time in the big perspective of things. I share with people, I'll probably explain it different ways sometimes when I say it, but I feel like when we want to know what heaven's like, I say one second of heaven is like every, every, every good moment, day, time period that you had here added up together is maybe one second of what you will have up there. So think of all the joy you had in your whole life experiences you had, and if you could experience that in one second. So think about living there.

41:26 as an eternity, I mean, that's how I would explain it. I love it. How much fear of death do you have? Zero. I mean, I want to live. Obviously, even going to my near death telling her to rescind my DNR, I obviously knew I was in trouble and I wanted to live. I joke to my kids, they're all adults now that I can help them better from the other side than I can't hear because now they don't have to listen to me. But really, I have no fear of death. All right, last thing. I'm going to let you have the last word here. If somebody out there today is really, I don't know, really concerned about a loved one that they've lost, besides missing that person, gee, what has happened to my loved one? Can you help fill some of those gaps for them? Just help us understand a little bit better. Well, let's think of it as a stadium. Well, two things. Let's think of it as a stadium where I was and there were thousands of people there. None of them were living. Whether they were going or coming, I don't know. I don't have that answer. But think about all that love and support there. And then just think about my spiritual transformation experience and all the people I saw that were wanting me to fight to live. Everybody, everybody has that. We all have a team of angels and a team of support. Even when we don't feel like we do, even when we feel alone, it's there. And sometimes we just need to dig a little deeper and just fill your heart with love. I think you'll

43:00 find that you won't feel so alone. Thank you. Holly, I appreciate your time. And just sharing all of this, it can't be that easy to share. Hopefully it also makes you feel good. But if anybody wants to reach out to you, can we put something in the show notes where they can contact you? Absolutely. Yeah, thank you. All right, we'll do it. Take care. Thanks again for listening and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button and sign up for our newsletter at roundtriptest .com. If you want to share your near -death experience, or if you have questions or comments about the show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com.

43:43 Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.