#354 - Mary Grace's Beautiful, Emotional NDE

0:00 From the time that they pronounced me deaf was a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then they paddled my heart, my heart had stopped. And I could see people screaming and crying, but I didn't realize that was actually my physical body because I was somewhere else. The only thing that I could feel, if you could imagine, absolute love and peace, there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was greeted by people I'd known in the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe and felt at home. Welcome to Round Trip Deaths, everybody, and welcome to our very special guest in Florida, in the U.S., Mary Grace Polnastic.

0:47 Good morning. Good morning. How are you, Eric? I'm great. How are you? I'm doing well. Thank you. It's actually really nice and we had a cold front here, so yay. It feels like fall, actually. Okay, how cold is fall in Florida? I want to say 75 to 68 degrees, depending. For the high? Yeah. That is Fahrenheit. That is not bad. And you told me earlier, one of your emails, how nervous you are. Please don't be nervous. Oh, breathing. For our listeners, Mary Grace has not shared her story publicly before.

1:27 She's told a few loved ones. And so this is going to be her first time. So we're all going to give Grace to Mary Grace and hope that you can relax and we can just have a nice chat this morning. Before we do, would you mind telling us a little bit about you? Sure. Like you said, I live in the lovely Florida. It's really nice outside right now. I'm married, been married for this next December. We'll be 12 years. And I have two lovely children, very beautiful, smart kids. One is in Odyssey of the Mind, which is an amazing program. And then the other one is in the Gifted Program. So very proud of them for that.

2:09 I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm an avid reader, so I like to read all things consciousness, metaphysics, physics, anything I can get my hands on. I love to meditate, I meditate daily, which I think has helped me in the long run with all my myriad of traumas and symptoms from said traumas. And I love k-dramas. Okay. That's sweet. All right. Mary Grace, tell me where you grew up and what led up to your near-death experience? Sure. So, like I said, I was a, I don't think they call military brat any more military child.

2:53 I don't know the proper political wording for it. But I grew up in the Philippines until I was seven. We moved around a lot. So from Philippines to Guam, from Guam to Florida for a few months, and then to Hawaii and then back to Florida where I stayed. In the Philippines, I didn't feel like I belonged because, you know, being half American, half Filipino, it's not really embraced in the community. So... Can you explain that real quick? Do you mind just giving us the family background on that? Sure. Okay. So my mom is a what do you call a hospitality girl that worked in the Naval base, which mostly entertained like Navy personnel.

3:43 And so that's what she did. And I, she met my dad and got pregnant with me. And I guess ruined her career for a moment. I know she told me this, that she tried to get rid of me, but I guess that was unsuccessful. She gave birth to me. And then my grandparents ultimately started taking care of me for most of my childhood. She was in and out of my life. For most of my childhood. And I was just kept inside for a lot. I didn't have any friends because I was fair skinned. So they didn't want me to, I guess, to get burned or whatnot. Well, you didn't look like the other kids.

4:24 So you were kind of shunned in other words. Right. Correct. Yeah. Sorry about that. That must be really hard when you're just a young child. It really was. Because I would see kids out the window playing and I'm just trying to entertain myself. And I didn't have very many toys or anything. So I just, I played with what I could like deodorize. Something I could find. But when my mom was in and out of my life, when she was home, I just remember her constantly yelling at me for, God knows what, or spanking me with slippers, wet slippers at that.

5:05 So I was, I never made her happy. And I just felt like I was just there taking up space. I wasn't, I didn't feel really loved or accepted by my family. And then how old were you when you got real sick? I was about five years old. I got really sick with a high fever, which even though they were Catholic, they were still, they still believed in, um, outworldly, like supernatural possessions and whatnot, which Catholics, I believe in possessions, but they believed in like fairies and gnomes and stuff like that. So I was sick with a high fever and they didn't take me to the doctors because I, as I spoke with my mom yesterday, when they feel like you're possessed, um, they didn't take you to the doctor.

5:55 So hang on, hang on. They didn't think you were sick. They thought you were possessed. Yes, sir. Yeah. Why? What were the symptoms? I guess I was like, uh, convulsing a little bit. And then of course, when I was on the brink of death, um, I heard children laughing in the background. So I remember going outside and, um, in my mind, I was playing with these really bright children, you know, they were these kids, but they had these very like golden aura around them. But I guess in my mother and my grandmother's perspective, I just looked like I was trying to catch bugs or something.

6:40 Okay. So they thought, I just want to make sure we're clear kind of step by step here. Well, they thought you were possessed so that they didn't take you to a doctor. Yes, sir. I'm so sorry to hear all of this, by the way, it sounds really traumatic. And you had a real high fever, which could explain some of this. Yes, sir. Okay. And then you're in bed and is there a point where you remember starting to see things and were you hallucinating or were you leaving your body and going somewhere? I remember, um, I might have been hallucinating, um, but auditorially, I just remember the children laughing and I wanted to go to them, so I did get up from the bed physically to go outside.

7:26 It wasn't, um, my actual body or my spirit or anything. I did get up physically to go outside to play with these children's children that I was hearing. And so like I said, I was trying to play tag with them, but in my mind's eye, I was playing with them. Um, I get it could have been hallucination, but in their, in their perspective, it looked like I was just trying to catch bugs and playing with bugs or something like that. Okay. Thank you. Keep going. You know, like I said, in my mind's eye, I was playing with them and then all of a sudden I just, it turned black, like blackness. I guess I fell to the ground outside.

8:08 In my perspective, I was out of my body in this blackness and I felt just really light. It wasn't hard to breathe anymore and you know, I was weightless and I was in no pain and it was just really, really dark and I was just, I guess suspended animation would be the word for it. I just felt like in this vast blackness void sort of speak, it was just me. And then all of a sudden I hear like a calling. I felt it in my body and then I looked to my side and I seen this light.

8:48 It was very faint at first and then it kept getting closer and closer and closer and engulfed me. Then when I opened my eyes again, I was greeted with this being, but it didn't really, he didn't really have a face or anything. I just felt a male energy and he didn't really have a form. It was just like a very bright B and he welcomed me. He was like, welcome and then I just felt sorry. That's okay. I know it's difficult to relive and this is the beautiful part too.

9:29 I just felt like this. I'm sorry. It is overwhelming love and peace that I've never felt before. I've always felt like I was just there and a burden and I just, I just felt it and I, my little me, my inner child or whatever, I was crying as well. I don't know why I was crying. I'm like, why am I crying? But it was just this overwhelming feeling around my body that I just couldn't ignore and it was so beautiful. In addition to this wonderful feeling, were you seeing anything at this point?

10:11 You just said it was beautiful. Did you see something? I did. It was like a library of some sort. The gentleman was next to me and then there were other beings like gathered around a table and they were reading, look like they were reading books or something. But they said hello to me and you can just tell that they were at peace and loving. At this point, I still didn't know where I was. I was all sorts of confused and then Miss Bing told me to follow him and I didn't really question it.

10:52 I didn't ask any questions because at five years old, I mean, it was a lot to take in. So I followed him into this room and he pulled up a, you know, we pulled up a chair on this table and he told me to sit down, which I did. And he sat right next to me and in front of us was a wall. And then he did this like little motion thing and it turned into a screen and he told me he wanted to show me something. You know, it was like a movie playing and it was earth and where my body was lying.

11:32 I guess it was trying to show me or make me understand that my soul was separate from my body at that point. But I didn't recognize myself, you know, but I just recognized my little love holding me. She was like rocking me back and forth, scared and worried. Like I've never seen this reaction from her before. And you know, it's like, well, that's my Lola, I guess that's me. Lola is, I'm sorry for, is the Filipino word for grandmother. He was just trying to calm me down. And I said, am I dead? And he said, yes. And I said, I don't feel dead.

12:13 And I said, how did I die? Because I don't feel like I'm dead. I feel better than I did. And he just laughs and, you know, he told me that my body got too hot. That's how I died. And so I remember seeing from the screen, my mother was to my grandmother's left. And then there was two shaman ladies. Again, like I said, they thought I was possessed. So they hired faith healers to come and get rid of whatever was possessing me. I remember seeing a lot of smoke. Sounds like they have your body back in the house at this point. Yes, sir. Yes, sorry. Yeah.

12:53 And your grandmother's rocking you. You know, one thing that I find really interesting here is it's unusual for you to be seeing what's going on with your body from a screen. I hear lots of people talking about, well, like in a hospital room, they're up in the corner near the ceiling looking down. Right. Or later they're looking at a screen, but that's a life review. Right. And but you're seeing what's actually happening at that point on the screen. That's cool. That's interesting. Yeah. And it wasn't like a regular screen or anything. It looked like it was just a white wall and it was hollowed out. And that's what I was seeing.

13:33 Like it played out on earth while I was, you know, where I was. And and he told me, unfortunately, it's not your time yet. You have to go back. And I'm like, what do you mean? Go back. I don't want to. Sorry. I didn't want to go back because I told him, I'm like, I'm not loved there. I don't feel this feeling there. You know, I, my mom's always mad at me. I know she doesn't want me. She's always mad at me and hitting me. And I just want to stay here. And he's like, you can't stay here. And like a five year old, I was crying and throwing a tantrum, you know, because I really didn't want to go back.

14:18 But he told me I needed to go back. And I kept asking why, why. And he told me because of love. And I was like, what love? I feel like here. I don't feel that there. Again, he showed me the screen. I know like life review shows you your past doing so and whatnot. But to me, what he showed me was my future and my children and then who's, you know, to be my husband. And he told me, I know your life is going to be really hard. And you're going to go through a lot. Sorry.

14:58 But you will be happy eventually. And your children need to be born because they're going to show you. What unconditional love is in this plane so that way you know. And I was like, still crying because at five years old, you're going to tell, I know that it's like, can't comprehend that. And then, and then with great reluctance, I finally said, okay, if I meant to be there and I'm not meant to be here yet, okay, I'll go back if that's what I need to do.

15:39 And it wasn't like any judgment or pushy pushing us from his voice. It was, there was like great compassion and love from what I remember. He gave me a choice, but he said that in order for me to learn what unconditional love was, I needed to go back. Isn't that interesting that even then you actually had a choice. He told you you needed to do it, but he didn't force you to go back. I love the fact that there is this, this agency, this free to choose. Yeah. Everything in that spiritual realm. Yeah. It was, like I said, he wasn't like demanding or forceful.

16:23 It was with great compassion. And I think he thought showing me my future and me being happy in it eventually will push me where I get. And then when I agreed, he showed me the screen again and we're back to me and the Philippines. And then I remembered the shamans. They put like a candle in a spoon and there was a bowl with the cold water underneath the spoon and they pour the candle into the bowl, the cold water and it formed like a face thing, like a face of a candle.

17:04 And the shamans or faith healers, I'm sorry, they're called faith healers told my Lola that I needed to place the candle underneath the pillow. And if it broke, then I would be fine. And if it didn't, then whoever had possessed me has taken over completely and I was gone forever. But I was laughing because I was seeing it from the screen and I'm like, I know where I'm at. I'm not possessed. I know where I'm at. And she did exactly that. And then he turns and tells me, okay, it's time. It's time for you to go back.

17:45 And I didn't feel the pool like everybody else did. I just remember blackness again and then waking up and I was fine. And I guess the face broke and they thought the, you know, the possession was over. They told my grandmother it was a old white, like an older white lady with really long black hair who had evil intent that had a hold of me. That's what they told her. Now, when you say you felt fine at that point, does that mean you were well or you just weren't dead? You just, sorry to laugh, or you just weren't dead anymore.

18:26 Did you still have a high fever? What do you mean by that? Yeah, I was fine. You know, my body wasn't achy anymore. It didn't hurt to breathe and my mind wasn't foggy. So I just felt like, like waking up from a sleep. How interesting. Okay. Do you remember what happened next? Yeah. So after that, I told my grandmother, because I was really, really excited to tell her about all this experience and everything. And she just said, you know, oh yeah, the shamans did their work. The shamans did their work. The lady had a hold of you. And so she didn't really believe that I went to the other side.

19:11 That was that. And a lot of interesting things happened afterwards. Tell me some of those. Sure. Since I was so open or had high frequency from what happened coming back, I remember we were stuck in traffic. A traffic in the Philippines is horrible. I stuck a straw up in the air and I was like, because my mom was getting frustrated being, you know, in the same place for a long time. So I stuck a straw in the air. I guess trying to amplify my thought or something in my five year old mind. And I was like, please, please, can you please let us get home soon? And then after that, like all the lights that we hit were green.

19:54 We didn't even hit a single red light after that. It was crazy. I remember going to the mall with my mom and wanting a toy. And we went up the escalator and she said we didn't have any money. And after we got up to the escalator, I found like a stack of cash. I was like, wow, now I have enough money to buy a toy. You know, that was really, really neat. When we were moving from Philippines to Guam, when I was around seven, I remember the plane ride was so turbulent. I was going up, down, up, down, like the lights were going on and off, on and off. And I was really scared. You know, sitting next to my mom and I grabbed the armrests next to me and I was, please stop, please stop, please stop.

20:44 And then all of a sudden it like just was cleared again. And I didn't know if it was me or it was just coincidence or whatnot, but it was really, really neat. And over the years, you've had some other spiritual and out of body experiences. But as long as we're talking about things that you have affected, you had told me in our pre-interview about your husband's Xbox. Yes. Tell everybody what happened with that. So after one of my more intense meditations, all of a sudden like the Xbox, you know, I was sitting on the couch with my kids and there was no controller right next to us and my husband was at the table and the Xbox turns on and then, you know, he couldn't turn it off because he was like, why is it on?

21:38 And he was like, I don't, I'm sorry. I think I might have turned it on and he couldn't turn it off. He couldn't turn it off. So he had to turn the switch off or the search protector off. And when he turned it back on, it wouldn't turn on after that. I feel that. I mean, I turned, I have turned on his Xbox like unwillingly off and on for a while, but I guess that was the last time it wanted to do that. So you actually killed it. Oh man. He was heartbroken. He wasn't upset so much as heartbroken because he, you know, I really can't control it. Like me breaking four Android phones before the sales guy was like, you know what, try an Apple.

22:23 Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What happened exactly with that? You go cell phone shopping. Yes, sir. We go, oh yes, sir. We go cell phone shopping and we were getting the new latest Samsung Galaxy phone. Quick pause here. This podcast is a labor of love produced by me and my son, Will, who's a university student. The show is completely free for you, but today I'd like to ask a little favor. We want to keep growing and you are the key. If you'd take just a couple of seconds right now to hit the follow or subscribe button, then hit the share button to send it to a friend. We would really appreciate it.

23:04 Now back to our guest. And I was particular. I wanted a white one and the sales guy showed me, you know, was ready to purchase a white one and it broke. And he was like, that's weird. I've never seen this happen before. And he did that about three more times each time with me touching it, but like for just a few seconds. And he was like, I don't know. Why don't you try an iPhone? Cause obviously Samsung's are not agreeing with you. You broke four galaxies in the space of a couple of minutes. Yes, sir. Wow. Glad you didn't get the bill for that. No, no, no. I mean. I don't have phones you don't have a problem with.

23:45 No, well, I don't know. The other night when my husband and I were sitting down, I was looking through one of his apps or something and then all of a sudden his phone did something freaky. One of the apps started glitching and he's like, what's going on? I've never seen it do that. I'm like, I'm sorry. I just was like clicking through it. I don't know. Well, and we're actually recording over your iPhone today. Oh, it's working. Of course, I'll let everybody know you're not touching it. No, just in case. I don't want to, but I haven't had an issue with this one. So we're good. I try not to do as many devices.

24:26 My daughter just got an Oculus and I'm afraid to mess with that on her behalf. All right. Let's, let's go back to your childhood again. Is there anything else that you want to fill us in on before an outer body experience that you had? Yeah. So again, like I said, I grew up with a myriad of traumas with my mom, like constantly verbally and physically abusing me. When we were in Guam after that experience, actually she barely touched me. So I think she in her heart, she believed what happened and she, I guess was afraid of what would happen to her if, so, you know, she did something.

25:07 But when we went to Florida, my father's stepdad abused me sexually. So I'm sorry. I begged my parents originally. They were, it was just supposed to be my parents and my, my mom or my mom and my dad supposed to go to Hawaii by themselves. So without me, and I was supposed to stay with my grandmother and him. And I begged them. I'm like, please, please, please let me go with you. I didn't want to tell them the reason because I was told not to because it was my fault. I was meant to feel ashamed for what had happened.

25:48 And you know, reluctantly, they agreed to take me with them. And Hawaii, it was really nice because there were other half children like myself. But this time my dad was working at night at Pearl Farber and my mom wanted to go out partying with and doing other things with her friends. So I was by myself at night most of the time. So that was not very pleasant. I remember wanting to go over my friend's house all the time to spend the night. Unfortunately, one time her parents had called the cops because I couldn't get into my house.

26:29 I forgot the key inside the house and my mom wasn't answering her phone. And my dad was working. So they had to call the cops and the cops called my dad to let me inside the house and stuff. So rough growing up. It didn't just change and get all better. No. After your experience at age five. Okay. Yeah, but I knew that this would happen. So eventually my parents ended up getting a divorce and my mom didn't really want me living with her and her new boyfriend. And my dad was getting deployed to Diego Garcia at the time. So I told them that I would go there to save their feeling or I thought I would be saving their feeling.

27:14 But really I had no choice but to go back to my grandmother and the abuser. And so when she wasn't around and stuff, it would happen more. And it was just really rough. But in middle school, I had this really great friend in sixth grade who I loved and cherished as a sister. And I would constantly go to her house to try to escape from everything. And at one point when my grandmother was taking me to her house, all of a sudden she developed this really sharp pain in her head. And you know, she pulled over and she's like, oh my gosh, this really bad headache. And I'm like, come on, grandma, let's just go back home.

27:55 You know, you can lay down and I'll call my friends, parents, and have them pick me up. It's no big deal. And she kept apologizing to me. I remember her apologizing profusely to me and I kept telling her, please don't worry about it. Please don't worry about it. I think she knew. She knew what was happening. And when we got to the house, she told me to call my aunt who was a nurse at the tower. She's still a nurse. And while I was on the phone, she actually had a stroke and fell face down on the floor first and she was barely breathing. And I was trying to calm our dog at that time down and trying to tell her everything will be okay while on the phone at 13 years old.

28:37 It was just, it was a lot. Eventually, you know, we lost my grandmother. But I felt her leaving. And I took my younger cousins to the lakefront, which was fairly close to the house. And we were just walking and then all of a sudden it started raining. And they were like, oh, it's raining. We're going to melt. You know what the silly things kids do. And we started running. All of a sudden I just felt this, a piece of me being taken away. And then I just, I just knew that she was gone. And when we came back to the house, they told us kids that, you know, she didn't make it.

29:21 So that was really hard for me because I think she was protecting me from all that. And then after she had passed away, my friend stopped talking to me, this girl who I viewed as a sister, because I guess she, she didn't know how to talk to me after that. So I lost her as a friend too. And then that, now that we were alone, I used to actually sleep with a knife under my water bed, a pillow in a water bed to make sure that I was protected, you know.

30:01 But without telling anybody what was happening, I asked my uncle if I could live with them. Because my cousin and I went to the same school at the time. So I asked him if I could live with them and they agreed. So I lived with them for a while until my dad finally retired and got our own house. And that was at that house that we just purchased was my, the first at a body experience that I had. Okay. Tell us about that. Sure. So one night it was unusually cold for Florida weather and I think it was like 40 something degrees or something.

30:41 And I had this personal heater right next to, on my nightstand right next to my bed. And I had on full blast. Because you know, growing up, mostly growing up in tropical climates, 40 something is really, really cold. I had this like thermal long johns is what it's called on under my blanket. And then all of a sudden, I don't know if it was another end the ear whatnot, but I had this very, very, very vivid dream of being inside of this iron cage and the bars were really, really thick. And on top of the cage was a chain that was letting me or, you know, putting me down closer and closer inside of this like very dark cave.

31:32 And they were like demonic beings all around and underneath was the lava. And the chain was getting me down closer and closer to said lava. And I remember one of the demons beings got close to the chain, grabbed onto the bar and was like laughing at me. And I tried screaming, but I didn't have any voice. So anything was just laughing at me. And I was like, so scary, but trying to see if I could find myself a way out. I was getting closer and closer to the bottom of the cave. I just with all of my being with all of my might, I just yelled out, even though I didn't have a voice, I just yelled out, Jesus.

32:17 And then all of a sudden this very bright white light came across this cave and everything turned bright. I was no longer inside of that cave. And then I remember being transported into my house in front of my door, my bedroom door. My door was always open. And I remember just watching my body sleeping. And then all of a sudden I got this feeling like I was really hot and dehydrated. So I go, my gosh. So I told myself to wake up. I couldn't wake up. And then I was yelling at myself to wake up. And then the last time I was like, wait, God.

32:57 And I finally woke up, turned off my heater and got a glass of water. It was so strange just looking at my body sleeping while I was outside of my bedroom door. It was sounds like more than just a dream. Yeah. It felt so real, I would never forget that. And it was like my reoccurring dream of me being younger, wearing this potato sack dress and I'm in line waiting. And then all of a sudden there's this box and I would have to get into the box and there was a guy in uniform about to shoot me and I would always wake up before I get shot. It was, there's so many things like that. Did you have one other out of body experience?

33:40 I did. How old were you then? I was 28. Okay. What led up to that? Sure. I was having a tubal ligation, you know, no more pregnancies because my second pregnancy, although she's such a blessing, was very hard on my body. So I couldn't, you know, go through that again. And so after they put me an anesthesia, I remember seeing them putting tape on my eyes. And then I just was looking at myself from like on the ceiling, like I was on the ceiling looking at myself on the table while they were operating on me. I remember them making an incision and I remember watching the monitor and I remember the little circular classic thing that they put over my fallopian tube.

34:32 They had to like pry it open with one of those machines because I guess it was the really, really hard plastic and then they put it over my fallopian tube and I just remember them talking about what lunch they were going to have. Out of the blue, you know, during surgery, I was like, yeah, you know, we're going to have combo so she, you know, comp salad is like, okay, comp salad. Why aren't they talking about any who I digress? But yeah, after my follow up surgery six weeks later to make sure that everything went well, I was talking to my surgeon and then she was like, yeah, that's so weird. So you told her the things that you remember seeing and hearing.

35:13 Yeah. And it kind of freaked her out a little bit. It really did. Cause she was like, you're really like, you know, under anesthesia. How did you, I said, I just thought everything. I saw the monitor. I saw the device that you used to not clamp, but like put my tubes in between and like, they look like an O-ring, you know, but they use it to clamp my fallopian tubes. Make sure that she was really surprised by that. You do know this isn't very normal, right? It's a knee. I mean that in a loving way. Most of us don't have these kinds of experiences.

35:54 I wonder if, if what you, what happened to you at age five kind of made you more prone to these experiences later in life. What's your thoughts? I believe they do. I honestly do as well as meditation cause I listen to Heming St. Meditation and it's in a treatment and treatment program. And I think that helps me as well to get to my intuition more. I had anxiety and depression most of my life. So I was actually I'm sober over one year. Yay. Congratulations. Thank you. I was self-medicating as well as had prescription medication for, you know, anxiety and depression really bad.

36:39 But I believe it really helped me cause I feel people's emotions and see behind the veil sort of speak. Sometimes what they say and what they actually mean are two completely different things. And I, it freaks, like they get angry with me because it freaks them out. But so I've learned to not speak my mind on the matter. Can you give us an example of when that's happened recently or any example that stands out? Sure. When someone told me that they cared for me, but I knew behind their eyes there was no like real meaning behind it kind of thing.

37:23 You know, I can feel people's emotions. Like one time my, we just got a brand new cat and my youngest was so scared of it. And I felt her fear at the very bottom of my back and I felt it so intensely it hurt. I see events that happen or have had happened. Like when, when my dad called me to tell me that my abuser had killed, you know, had passed away. I told him, oh yeah, he shot himself in the head, didn't he? And he's like, yeah, he was really surprised that I knew that even though I was 3000 miles away, you know, visiting my mom before the trial was to go about.

38:06 It's just little things. I'm more sensitive. The other day actually I was just walking to my room and then all of a sudden like I felt a beat like a spirit being there. I didn't see it, but I just felt it. And I'm like, mm, what's your intention and see it. That most of the beings I come across in this house has, hasn't been malevolent or had any ill will towards anybody here. So what emotions are you feeling for me? Um, it's a happy, well relaxed, but very curious. Sorry to put you on the spot. No, you're good.

38:46 Okay. So I think it might be interesting for some of our listeners to find out how you got on this show. Sure. Why don't you go ahead and tell everybody, because we, we never talk about this and, and there's a lot of different ways that people end up being interviewed here. So how did it work for you? I was listening to different types of podcasts prior to, um, like conch, you know, metaphysics, consciousness, spirit speakers, you know, psychic teachers and all that. And although they were very helpful in my spiritual life and awakening my spiritual self, I was like, I still don't feel like I know what happened to me, you know, with the NDE because I had forgotten about it until about 2020.

39:34 And I had that meditation past life regression meditation and all of a sudden it just came up to me. I was like, I've been like, Oh my gosh, I need to know what happened. And then I was just researching near death experience. I've read a few here and there online, but it never really resonated with me. So, and I came across your show on Amazon and I'm like, I might as well give it a try. You know, hopefully I can find something that resonates with me and what happened with me. And I've been hooked ever since all of your speakers have been wonderful and you have just a calming presence to you. So you reached out and sent me an email.

40:17 It was a nice long one, very well written. Oh, I guess that I felt confident on my end. Anyway, I appreciate that. I love when people send emails to Will and I that we can go through and pick speakers from or pick interviews from and you're sound very sincere and interesting. So, so I wanted to talk to you and I knew people would love you. So what other message do you have for anybody listening out there? That I was just told that love is the answer, you know, and we're here to experience from all a lot of the books I've read.

41:00 We as humans just get to experience what it's like here. And on the other side, there's really, there's just love, no judgment, just love. And just love everyone as much as you can forgive because I've forgiven that person, mostly for myself and just try to be the best you you can be. Help out as many people as you can when you can. And that love that you felt during your NDE, could you explain it to us more? Sure. Try to put into words now that you've had children and things, you probably understand that feeling even more than you did then.

41:41 I do, but it's so hard to describe it because the love I have with my children is never ending. And it's like that times, oh my gosh, infinity and phantasm all have everyone at work. You're just like engulfed in it once you get there. It's this freedom of no judgment and you're just love for who you are. You don't have to be anybody else other than who you are. You're just loved. It's like somebody said a thousand grandmas hugging you at the same time. It's just, it engulfs your being and it's really, really beautiful.

42:24 How do we show more of that to people around us? Just accept people for who they are regardless of how they are. Just, you know, don't expect anything out of them and don't try to change them. Just accept them and love them. And did this experience leave you with less fear of death than a normal person would have? Absolutely. Actually, I wanted to go back. That's embarrassing to say. I remember trying to alleviate my depression with taking golden teachers and it, which is a silence I've been and getting in the tub and wanting to go back home.

43:07 I just wanted to go back home because I don't feel like home here. I mean, I feel with my family home, but I miss that feeling of home. It's kind of like, it's unfair because I love my family here, but there's no feeling like the home that you experience on the other side. If that makes sense. Yeah. And that guide that you had there, he said you will be happy eventually. Has that happened? Yes. I'm very happy with my husband and my two children. They mean so very much to me more than anything. And getting to tell them I love them a hundred times a day, even though they get annoyed with me is the highlight of my day.

43:52 I get to hug that. Well, my love, I'm my 12 year old, not so much anymore. She doesn't like being touched anymore, but my, at least I get to, you know, cuddle and hug on my eight year old as much as I can, so, which is close to the feeling as you can get here. Well, as a parent who has had teenagers go through those years, I understand and it doesn't last forever. Okay. You'll hopefully have a cuddler again one of these days. Anyway, Mary Grace, thanks so much for being with us today. Thank you, Eric. I hope, you know, it helps somebody. And how do you feel now that you've had a chance to share it?

44:33 A little shaken, but I feel good. I hope it can confuse a lot of too much. You guys too much, but, you know, I'm very appreciative for you and this wonderful podcast to help me share my story because even though I may be seeing, seeing crazy as some, you know, at least it's, it's my experience and I was able to share it. Thank you. Well, I hope it's helped you. I know it's helped other people. Thanks again. Thanks to you for listening and remember to follow and share this podcast. Until then, I wish you everything good that you're looking for in this life and the next.