Lessons From Hospice Nurse's Visit to Hell & Back During NDE

WEBVTT

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From the time that they pronounced me dead was

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a good 45 minutes. They cut my clothes and then

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they paddled. My heart, my heart had stopped

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and I could see people screaming and crying but

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I didn't realize that was actually my physical

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body because I was somewhere else. The only thing

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that I could feel if you could imagine absolute

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love and peace there wasn't anything else to

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be felt. I was greeted by people I'd known in

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the past. I'm back home again. Incredibly safe

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and felt at home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip

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Death, everybody. And a hearty welcome to our

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special guest from Lloyd, Florida. And our guest

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today is Michelle Ledbetter. Good morning, Michelle.

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How are you? Good morning. It's so nice to be

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here with you. Thank you for the invitation.

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Thank you. I just want to give people a little

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idea upfront. This is going to be so cool because

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we're going to be talking about your deer death

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experience and the fact that you are a hospice

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nurse and there are really cool stories that

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can come from that, that are faith promoting

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and messages of hope. We haven't had a hospice

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nurse on for a while. Geez, Michelle, this is

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the first time we've talked and I feel like we're

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old friends already. I do too. That's nice. Hey,

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before we jump in, tell us a little bit about

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you. Who's Michelle? Okay. I'm a registered nurse.

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I am certified in hospice and palliative care,

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and I have been a hospice nurse for a little

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over 20 years now. My career in nursing has been

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30 years, but my heart and soul and connection

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is with hospice. I am a mother of two beautiful

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daughters and a grandmother of four grandchildren

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and two bonus grandchildren. had a near -death

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experience myself that completely changed my

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view of life and the way I see it. And I hope

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that my message resonates with those who are

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ready to hear it. I'm not here to change anybody's

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mind. I'm just here to share my story. Hopefully

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if you can see something that is a flicker for

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you, I'm here to support you through that too.

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So yeah. Perfect intro. And for anyone who may

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be new to the show. I love how you put that because

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we're not trying to change anybody's mind. We

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stay very non -denominational. We're not trying

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to push any agenda. We just want to hear people's

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stories. And they always tend to bring us some

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hope. And that's what we're trying to spread

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in the world out there. And by the way, aren't

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daughters the best? Yes, they really are. But

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they can be a challenge too. Now these grandbabies,

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let me tell you, they're something else. Well,

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they're better than the best. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

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All right. Let's jump into it. How long ago was

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it that you were in the bad car accident that

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led to your NDE? Yes. So my accident actually

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occurred on February 13th, 2019. And my altered

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reality near -death experience happened the morning

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of Valentine's Day when I was in surgery. And

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then it kind of went through a five -day period

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where I don't really know exactly where it happened,

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but somewhere in that period. Tell me about the

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accident. What happened and how badly were you

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hurt? Sure. I was traveling as a hospice nurse

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and I had finished one assignment and I was on

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my way to a new assignment from Montana to Texas

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and there was a storm, snowstorm that was coming.

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I'm a Florida girl. That's a long drive. A long

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drive. Holy cow. Yeah, super long. And part of

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it was probably the fatigue because I was moving

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into the Colorado area when I had the accident.

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So the snow was just blowing sideways. And I

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was of the mindset, just keep going. And it was

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around 7 o 'clock at night, and I started around

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7 in the morning. I was following some truck

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lights in front of me because the wind, I couldn't

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see the road. So I was following those truck

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lights and he went up over a pass and I missed

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the pass. And so I don't remember anything. I

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came down off the embankment and when my car

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came down, I had an L1 burst fracture, broken

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spine and a traumatic closed head injury. My

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first memory was Waking and I had a profound

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sense of peace where you would otherwise think

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I would have been just a crazy hot mess and it

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was to the paramedics and they were Attempting

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to get me from the car, but I just felt so peaceful

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There was no fear there and I was traveling with

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my little dog They took us to the first hospital

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these two paramedics that were just angelic.

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I could almost see them as angels because I felt

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so peaceful and so held. They were wonderful.

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They took me to the first place that we did imaging

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and they realized that they needed to do urgent

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surgery and so at that point there was a nurse

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there that they had let my little dog stay with

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me on my lap the whole time and I was able to

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engage but I was kind of in and out and so the

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nurse that was with me before. They were getting

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ready to transfer me to a trauma unit. They were

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talking about impounding my little dog. And she

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knows me from no one. And it was almost like

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I saw the godliness for the first time in someone.

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And she said, honey, I got you. I'm going to

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take your little dog home. And for as long as

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it takes for you to recuperate, I got you. It's

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like, wow, OK. And so I was just feeling loved.

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I was feeling embrace and peacefully held. The

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neurosurgeon came in and said, we're going to

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have to transfer you to the trauma unit. We don't

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have time to mess around. And he told me some

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astronomical amount of surgeries he's done. And

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I say 10. I'm not real sure. Again, my brain

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was really kind of a mess. And that's when the

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first fear, well, actually the second fear, the

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first fear. came up when they said they were

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going to impound my little dog. And then the

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second fear came up when he told me he had done

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all these surgeries and then he was going to

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go on my spine. It was a new day, brand new day,

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and I was a little nervous then. But I still

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felt a sense of peace. And so I don't remember

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going into the OR. I don't remember being put

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to sleep or anything like that. What happened

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next was the experience that came. So the way

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it presented was in a warehouse type setting,

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for lack of a better word. It was a very dark,

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cold, damp atmosphere. And the beginning of it

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was I felt the presence of my children behind

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me and I was wanting to pull them into this warehouse

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that I was in. I didn't know what I was doing,

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but I turned to look at them. to invite me. I'm

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not speaking to them, but it's like you can hear

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their thoughts or whatever and what I heard from

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their thoughts was as they were looking at me,

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Mom, you've really screwed this up and we're

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not really interested in going with you. And

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so this fear started to rise in me and this abandonment

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started to rise and they turned away. They walked

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out this heavy door. that had a window in it,

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and so I ran up to the door, and as I'm watching

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them walk away, they're going off into this land

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that just looks like it had been cleared by heavy

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equipment. It was very barren. But there's no

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color in this, so it's not like I could see any

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color. It was almost like a gray, black, white.

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There was no color. And then I turned, and I

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started to see my life review. But when I try

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to describe it, it's not linear in time, all

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that I'm not ready to share with you. It's all

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like it's happening at once, but time is elusive

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in this whole realm. And so it starts with a

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lot of my childhood traumatic experiences that

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I encountered. It was like I was right back in

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them. And the emotions that I was feeling were

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so overwhelming. I was afraid, I was confused,

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abandonment. fear, guilt, all these emotions

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are just compounded and I can't understand what's

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happening and then my films kind of go away and

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I see a patient that I worked with years ago

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who was HIV positive and he was laying in a bed

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with his arms up overhead. It was just the torture

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that I could see. It wasn't very pleasant and

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I won't go into the details but my first thing

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was the sadness and the compassion, and then

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I've got to find his partner. And so I'm in this

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state of thinking, like, what is happening and

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how can I find his partner to help him feel better?

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And then all of a sudden, another second, a second

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strip of film starts to come. It's a little boy.

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Well, first it was a little girl, and I didn't

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know who she was at the time, but I start to

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see her childhood. And if you had to put a hierarchy

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on it. Her abuse was worse than mine and I'm

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not only living in my what I think now I'm starting

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to think I'm in hell. I'm not only living in

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my fear and my issues of abandonment and all

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those things that are roaring to the surface.

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I am now in her spirit body seeing her trauma

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living now with her. Sometimes I get a little

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teary so hold on. The next one was a little boy

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and essentially the same thing. Going through

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this traumatic, people are bullying him. It's

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just a very fearful, scared, horrible place.

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I am so afraid. I have no idea what's happening.

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And I start to feel a warm sensation at my feet.

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And it starts to move up my body. And in my altered

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state of reality, I am so fear -based. that I

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feel like I'm forced to look up and I see a light

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coming through like cracks on the ceiling. Because

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I was in such a state of fear, as it started

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to come in, it actually poured in and it was

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just this brilliant white light that did have

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like an orange, golden, yellow hue to it, but

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it's not a color I've ever seen in real life.

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When I saw it, my mind went to, I'm in hell.

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and I'm getting ready to be burned and seared

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by this lava. So I bent over, I said probably

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some profanity and fear, and just said, please

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make this quick. The next thing I remember, I

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realize I'm laying in a hospital bed, but this

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stuff is still with me. I'm still in the warehouse,

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but I'm also in the bed. And I look over in the

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corner and I see an African -American lady sitting

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there. And I was like, why are you here? And

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she said, I'm here to help you. I'm here to help

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you keep you safe. And all of a sudden she blended

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into my Caucasian sister. So I'm like, what in

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the world is happening? And as I see her, I think,

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oh, she's family. And I was like, you have to

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help me, like help me because I'm wanting to

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get out of here. And I'm thinking she's my family.

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And it's like, we got to get going. Apparently

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what was happening during my whole time of not

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being in this reality, I was acting out what

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was happening in my hell reality. I was trying

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to get out of the bed. I just had surgery, two

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bars. I was cemented together. I had had the

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traumatic brain injury. I was getting out of

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the bed. And so they had to have physical people

00:11:48.370 --> 00:11:52.009
there to keep me safe. Hey, quick break here

00:11:52.009 --> 00:11:54.889
with a special message for our Utah and Idaho

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forward slash events. Hey, no worries. If you

00:12:43.149 --> 00:12:45.129
didn't remember it, it'll be in the show notes.

00:12:45.350 --> 00:12:52.549
Now back to the guest. And so I. slowly started

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to like I lingered back and forth between this

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for a minute and then slowly again I don't know

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time maybe days maybe an hour I don't know time

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I started to come back to this reality more and

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I realized I just went to hell and I I am NOT

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telling a soul that it was so awful I don't I

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can't even look at that I slowly started to recover.

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They promoted me. I woke up one day and there's

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this big eyeball in the corner and I thought,

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oh boy, here we go again. But it was actually

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a camera. So they had advanced the people to

00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:31.360
the camera. And then I got better and I went

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home and I was a hot mess. I had no job because

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it was a new assignment. I hadn't gotten insurance

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yet. My best friend was dying of cancer and I

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had $8 in my bank account. I went to old behavior.

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I was not good at feeling emotion, not at all.

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And so I went to drinking and I got addicted

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to the pain medication. And I did this hoopla

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hot mess stuff for two years. Hey, I just wanted

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to take a little breath right here. Yeah, thank

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you. Actually, I need it. And I want to ask you

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some questions about this before we move on.

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I hope you don't mind. Absolutely. First of all,

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I've interviewed hundreds of people that have

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had NDEs, and they're all new every time. I keep

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getting surprised. Oh, I've heard it all. Nope,

00:14:21.850 --> 00:14:24.350
I haven't heard it all. Yours is very unusual.

00:14:24.889 --> 00:14:28.929
Really? Yeah. I had no idea that this whole NDE

00:14:28.929 --> 00:14:32.610
group was going on. I had no idea what was this

00:14:32.610 --> 00:14:36.539
whole thing until October. and I didn't speak

00:14:36.539 --> 00:14:40.340
about it very much because I was still processing.

00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:42.919
I mean, I had come so far, like the last four

00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:44.679
years have been just magical and a miracle and

00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:47.019
the things that I've received from life, God,

00:14:47.139 --> 00:14:48.419
whatever you want to call that, in prayer and

00:14:48.419 --> 00:14:52.019
meditation. Yeah, I've heard when I got introduced

00:14:52.019 --> 00:14:55.460
to it, I've been actually invited to be a presenter

00:14:55.460 --> 00:15:00.960
at the IANDS. Yeah, IANDS. IANDS conference in

00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:03.830
August. because there's only two percent of people

00:15:03.830 --> 00:15:07.570
that have these hellish experiences. Yeah, it's

00:15:07.570 --> 00:15:10.029
somewhere between two and five percent. Is it?

00:15:10.169 --> 00:15:12.450
Okay. I didn't like I said, I'm learning as I

00:15:12.450 --> 00:15:14.629
go. I don't and you know, there's probably more,

00:15:14.649 --> 00:15:17.250
but we're afraid to talk about it. Well, exactly.

00:15:17.690 --> 00:15:20.649
But yeah, these hellish or you just call them

00:15:20.649 --> 00:15:23.210
disturbing experiences. Disturbing. I like that

00:15:23.210 --> 00:15:26.649
better. They are a small percent, but they do

00:15:26.649 --> 00:15:28.730
happen. We've had other people on the show that

00:15:28.730 --> 00:15:30.840
have had them. A couple of things that I wanted

00:15:30.840 --> 00:15:33.600
to ask you before we get into more detail. OK,

00:15:33.820 --> 00:15:37.639
first thing that I was curious about is did you

00:15:37.639 --> 00:15:42.159
have any recollection of leaving your body? Because

00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:45.059
you said you ended up in this big place, but

00:15:45.059 --> 00:15:47.379
was there any process of getting there or were

00:15:47.379 --> 00:15:50.179
you just there all of a sudden? I did not have

00:15:50.179 --> 00:15:53.700
a leave my body. It was like a hold on because

00:15:53.700 --> 00:15:57.019
I'm. I've never been asked this question. Sometimes

00:15:57.019 --> 00:16:01.159
I haven't thought everything. It was more like

00:16:01.159 --> 00:16:04.860
a containment within. I was present in my physical

00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:08.559
body. I was present in my emotional body. Felt

00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:11.279
like me. I'm working this through with you. The

00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:13.539
people that I was in their body, I was in their

00:16:13.539 --> 00:16:15.799
body. I was in their spirit body, feeling their

00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:19.120
emotions. So is that considered leaving your

00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:21.840
body? But I was still in mine too. I don't even

00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:23.779
know how to explain that, to be honest, Eric.

00:16:24.250 --> 00:16:25.990
I wasn't like, I've heard some people say they

00:16:25.990 --> 00:16:27.669
float up in the room and they see themselves.

00:16:27.870 --> 00:16:30.649
I didn't have that. Yeah. Okay. And that's okay.

00:16:30.769 --> 00:16:33.649
It doesn't make it any, any less real. Now it

00:16:33.649 --> 00:16:37.350
is a very normal thing in these disturbing experiences

00:16:37.350 --> 00:16:41.960
to experience a few different scenes. that are

00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:45.120
each hellish kind of scenes. I've heard everything

00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:48.980
from literally like a devil standing over me,

00:16:49.220 --> 00:16:52.580
making me do things, to horrible abuse, to all

00:16:52.580 --> 00:16:54.960
kinds of other things. Maybe you can feel good

00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:58.019
knowing yours wasn't as bad as some other people's

00:16:58.019 --> 00:17:01.779
are. Yeah, right. Mine was very connected to

00:17:01.779 --> 00:17:04.640
me. Mine was very connected to me. Yeah, and

00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:06.640
that doesn't mean that it wasn't profound and

00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.740
it wasn't serious. It changed me from night and

00:17:08.740 --> 00:17:10.599
day. People don't even recognize me anymore.

00:17:11.419 --> 00:17:15.799
Yeah, was there ever a time that your feelings

00:17:15.799 --> 00:17:19.220
changed from that fear and abandonment to something

00:17:19.220 --> 00:17:22.960
positive? Absolutely, yeah. It was when I was

00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:26.720
at my very rock bottom and I had an aversion

00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:30.720
to religion and God because my abusers were in

00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:34.480
that realm. And so it distorted my connection

00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:37.059
with people. It distorted my view of life and

00:17:37.059 --> 00:17:40.309
God. The love, I really didn't know what love

00:17:40.309 --> 00:17:43.569
was. But one day I was, I wasn't going to necessarily

00:17:43.569 --> 00:17:46.690
get in the Bible because I still, you know, I

00:17:46.690 --> 00:17:48.450
mean, my hell was associated with that whole

00:17:48.450 --> 00:17:51.470
thing. So I laid down and I started praying or

00:17:51.470 --> 00:17:55.609
meditating and I started being shown exactly

00:17:55.609 --> 00:17:58.170
what all those things were and we can talk more

00:17:58.170 --> 00:18:00.750
about it. But I did want to say that they never

00:18:00.750 --> 00:18:03.430
medicated me because I was a trauma, brain trauma.

00:18:03.549 --> 00:18:05.710
So they can't sedate you. And that's why they

00:18:05.710 --> 00:18:07.930
had somebody watching me. You know, that's the

00:18:07.930 --> 00:18:09.849
reason. They need to make sure you're coming

00:18:09.849 --> 00:18:12.910
back. But what has happened is the story has

00:18:12.910 --> 00:18:16.490
been explained to me in my meditation. The two

00:18:16.490 --> 00:18:20.109
people, the first two children that I saw were

00:18:20.109 --> 00:18:25.970
my abusers as children. I started to see why

00:18:25.970 --> 00:18:29.529
they were the way they were. I started to see

00:18:29.529 --> 00:18:32.089
why I had done, you know, I left a marriage after

00:18:32.089 --> 00:18:35.630
18 years and I was... My skeletons were trying

00:18:35.630 --> 00:18:38.269
to rise. I didn't know they were, but I was essentially

00:18:38.269 --> 00:18:40.369
out there running trying to find this thing called

00:18:40.369 --> 00:18:43.250
happy. I looked good on that side. I was a nurse.

00:18:43.250 --> 00:18:46.309
I was traveling, but I've been given the information.

00:18:46.930 --> 00:18:49.809
And so when that was being brought up in me during

00:18:49.809 --> 00:18:52.609
the meditation and I saw them as children of

00:18:52.609 --> 00:18:55.910
the same source that I came from. and they forgot

00:18:55.910 --> 00:18:58.509
that they are a part of that, just like I had

00:18:58.509 --> 00:19:01.230
no idea I was a part of that. I had no idea that

00:19:01.230 --> 00:19:03.509
that divine love, some people call it God, some

00:19:03.509 --> 00:19:07.349
people call it Mother Earth, universal consciousness,

00:19:07.829 --> 00:19:11.430
that that is life itself, the love of life, is

00:19:11.430 --> 00:19:15.549
within all of us. But we're conditioned and we're

00:19:15.609 --> 00:19:18.329
you know, just like my abusers, my light started

00:19:18.329 --> 00:19:21.369
to go out. And as you know, we're told that we

00:19:21.369 --> 00:19:24.170
are sinful by just coming into this world, but

00:19:24.170 --> 00:19:28.470
we're not. And that whole sin thing, how can

00:19:28.470 --> 00:19:30.569
you escape that, right? Except for through this

00:19:30.569 --> 00:19:33.450
story of Jesus dying for our sins in the Bible.

00:19:33.450 --> 00:19:36.049
Now I've been in it. It's like that is an instrument

00:19:36.049 --> 00:19:39.369
of gold. That is definitely basic instruction

00:19:39.369 --> 00:19:42.289
before leaving Earth Bible, right? Like it's

00:19:42.289 --> 00:19:46.170
in there. I can now look at it, but and see the

00:19:46.170 --> 00:19:48.329
stories differently in a different perspective

00:19:48.329 --> 00:19:51.650
that kind of apply now. The grace and the love

00:19:51.650 --> 00:19:54.849
that flowed through me was unconditional love

00:19:54.849 --> 00:19:59.490
and I could not help but extend it to them and

00:19:59.490 --> 00:20:03.210
so this weight of that I didn't even know had

00:20:03.210 --> 00:20:06.769
distorted my view of what life was about was

00:20:06.769 --> 00:20:13.569
lifted and it was like holy hell. What is happening?

00:20:14.250 --> 00:20:16.450
I love this. And let me try to explain a couple

00:20:16.450 --> 00:20:19.349
things here. A lot of people in their life review,

00:20:19.869 --> 00:20:24.250
they feel extreme empathy for someone else that

00:20:24.250 --> 00:20:26.750
they may have hurt in some way through their

00:20:26.750 --> 00:20:29.970
action. You feel all of it. You feel what you

00:20:29.970 --> 00:20:32.069
have done to other people and how they felt.

00:20:32.430 --> 00:20:34.430
I didn't really go down that because it gets

00:20:34.430 --> 00:20:36.210
long. I mean, there was a lot of different little

00:20:36.210 --> 00:20:38.809
scenes in there, but the ones where I had done

00:20:38.809 --> 00:20:41.640
something. That caused pain for another person.

00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:44.880
I felt that on that side. I felt like what that

00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:49.339
felt like but I also Was shown why I was like

00:20:49.339 --> 00:20:52.460
that and the purity in me never left me It just

00:20:52.460 --> 00:20:55.960
got covered up and so this was like about Remembering

00:20:55.960 --> 00:20:57.779
my light and that light that we were talking

00:20:57.779 --> 00:21:00.359
about that was coming in that I thought was lava

00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:03.920
That was the light of the love that was life

00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:08.359
spark itself trying to Allow the wounds that

00:21:08.359 --> 00:21:11.640
were in the bowels of my soul to come up to shine

00:21:11.640 --> 00:21:13.559
light on it So I could see it from a different

00:21:13.559 --> 00:21:16.559
perspective, but I was so messed up in my head

00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:18.880
and fear I couldn't even see that I was afraid

00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:22.079
of the light I was afraid of life and God and

00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:25.079
the whole and I didn't even recognize it after

00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:28.059
when I released the first question that came

00:21:28.059 --> 00:21:31.440
to me to ask myself is How can I see this differently

00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:34.289
and what is it trying to teach me? and I had

00:21:34.289 --> 00:21:36.170
to be brave enough to look back at it. Because,

00:21:36.230 --> 00:21:37.890
of course, when you look back at it, all those

00:21:37.890 --> 00:21:40.549
emotions come up. And again, before, I would

00:21:40.549 --> 00:21:43.309
have drank them away or peeled them away. Now

00:21:43.309 --> 00:21:45.029
I said, OK, I'm at the bottom of the barrel.

00:21:45.490 --> 00:21:48.109
I'm willing. Show me a different way to see this.

00:21:48.269 --> 00:21:50.569
I made it through hell the first time. I don't

00:21:50.569 --> 00:21:53.529
have to drink. I will do this. And it's actually

00:21:53.529 --> 00:21:56.170
been very gentle. It's not been a hell experience.

00:21:56.210 --> 00:21:58.529
I still see it. I still feel it. I feel the emotion.

00:21:58.789 --> 00:22:02.759
But then I understand where my with all those

00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:04.819
things I had put in front of myself that blocked

00:22:04.819 --> 00:22:07.099
myself from receiving love. It was a protection.

00:22:07.180 --> 00:22:09.180
It was a barrier. It was through the lens of

00:22:09.180 --> 00:22:13.380
my wounds. Now it's like the wounds have been

00:22:13.380 --> 00:22:15.980
lifted and I can see the grace in all people.

00:22:16.099 --> 00:22:18.059
They're just disconnected from their source.

00:22:18.140 --> 00:22:20.299
We've just forgotten that we are part of it.

00:22:20.359 --> 00:22:23.019
And so I've been given little tidbits on how

00:22:23.019 --> 00:22:27.259
people can move that negative energy, the dark

00:22:27.259 --> 00:22:30.019
energy that we feel, fear, pain, all those things.

00:22:30.059 --> 00:22:32.960
And then know what absolute elation feels like,

00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:35.119
practice what that feels like in your body. And

00:22:35.119 --> 00:22:37.240
then you become mindful when it's happening in

00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:40.859
real life. And you go, that emotional uncomfortableness

00:22:40.859 --> 00:22:43.559
is actually a gift from God to say, we got some

00:22:43.559 --> 00:22:46.579
stuff down there that needs to be looked at.

00:22:46.859 --> 00:22:49.559
Like if you're cussing somebody out in traffic,

00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:52.339
that's not about the other person. That stuff's

00:22:52.339 --> 00:22:55.519
coming out of you. That uncomfortable feeling

00:22:55.519 --> 00:22:58.299
is like you're looking at it wrong. this has

00:22:58.299 --> 00:23:00.339
not been taught like if we had been told that

00:23:00.339 --> 00:23:04.180
we were light of life itself and we all knew

00:23:04.180 --> 00:23:07.039
our worthiness and our value but we're in a society

00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:09.539
that we you know and this is another far -fetched

00:23:09.539 --> 00:23:11.539
thing and I don't even I have nothing to validate

00:23:11.539 --> 00:23:14.539
it but in one of my meditations it was shown

00:23:14.539 --> 00:23:17.759
to me that God is all in all it is the life source

00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:20.140
energy that is around us it is that energy that

00:23:20.140 --> 00:23:23.779
is moving things forward and every single event

00:23:23.779 --> 00:23:27.240
that happens in your life happens as an opportunity

00:23:27.240 --> 00:23:31.119
to remember that you are the light and the light

00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:34.000
of love if it sits in light of love by itself

00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:36.460
the whole time there's no it can't remember who

00:23:36.460 --> 00:23:39.480
it is itself and so through our lives through

00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:42.880
all of it the bad and the good the contrast is

00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:45.799
a gift if you can see it that way instead of

00:23:45.799 --> 00:23:47.680
going down the rabbit hole of what we've been

00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:50.079
taught you know hate that person they're awful

00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:53.890
you are a victim No, once you release that, it's

00:23:53.890 --> 00:23:56.690
like, then you remember, oh my gosh, I am an

00:23:56.690 --> 00:23:58.849
extension of life force energy. And I believe

00:23:58.849 --> 00:24:02.230
Jesus was trying to say the same thing now. I

00:24:02.230 --> 00:24:05.190
think that he was said, I'm the son of God. We

00:24:05.190 --> 00:24:07.829
all are sons of God. But if you say that to some

00:24:07.829 --> 00:24:10.690
people, they think you're being blasphemy, or

00:24:10.690 --> 00:24:13.269
I think that's what they call that. But the truth

00:24:13.269 --> 00:24:16.009
of the matter is he was connected to that sort.

00:24:16.230 --> 00:24:18.450
Okay, sorry. I told you I'd get going because

00:24:18.450 --> 00:24:21.069
it's so exciting. I'm so sorry. I don't know

00:24:21.069 --> 00:24:24.970
how to slow you down. So, Michelle, these experiences

00:24:24.970 --> 00:24:27.730
for the person that goes through them, there's

00:24:27.730 --> 00:24:31.210
always important lessons to learn and usually

00:24:31.210 --> 00:24:33.529
beautiful lessons that can be life changing.

00:24:34.390 --> 00:24:37.950
Tell me if I'm wrong or explain better. But it

00:24:37.950 --> 00:24:41.490
seems like the main lesson for you or beautiful

00:24:41.490 --> 00:24:46.769
gift for you was to have empathy for your abusers

00:24:46.769 --> 00:24:49.730
so you could forgive them and let all that go.

00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:53.480
Am I right there? And is that helped you be a

00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:56.460
happier person because of it? Yes, it started

00:24:56.460 --> 00:24:58.980
there. But ultimately, it was having the same

00:24:58.980 --> 00:25:02.240
grace and love and compassion for myself. And

00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:05.759
that's when the door blew open. OK. No, that

00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:08.599
is awesome. You can leave it right there. Before

00:25:08.599 --> 00:25:11.740
we run out of time. I know. I'm so sorry. This

00:25:11.740 --> 00:25:15.400
has been fun. Don't apologize. Before we run

00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:18.039
out of time. I want to talk a little bit about

00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.339
what you do as a hospice nurse. I promised you

00:25:21.339 --> 00:25:24.619
we would get back to terminal agitation. Tell

00:25:24.619 --> 00:25:27.220
me what that is and then let's talk about a couple

00:25:27.220 --> 00:25:31.940
cool hospice experiences. Okay, so there is something

00:25:31.940 --> 00:25:34.740
called terminal agitation and then there's something

00:25:34.740 --> 00:25:37.359
called visioning. Sometimes people get those

00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:41.059
two things confused. In the visioning, There's

00:25:41.059 --> 00:25:43.839
things like the visionary reach where people

00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:47.000
are truly engaged with an energy source that

00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:50.359
they see that we in this physical form cannot

00:25:50.359 --> 00:25:52.359
see. It's almost like they're in between two

00:25:52.359 --> 00:25:55.299
worlds. About three weeks ago, I had a gentleman

00:25:55.299 --> 00:26:00.220
that was in that state of moving through that

00:26:00.220 --> 00:26:04.640
visioning and he was absolutely reaching towards

00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:08.119
God. He was having a conversation with God. And

00:26:08.119 --> 00:26:10.859
in this conversation, we were all standing around

00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:13.759
him, but there was something that happened to

00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:19.200
his physical form. A rally, the rally show up

00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:21.220
in different ways, but there was a rally, a light,

00:26:21.559 --> 00:26:25.480
something, and he was so engaged and speaking

00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:29.380
it out loud. And the feeling in the room was

00:26:29.380 --> 00:26:32.519
just intense. But a lot of times, because we

00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:35.779
don't talk about death and dying, we are afraid.

00:26:35.900 --> 00:26:38.220
And so we don't get to experience those things,

00:26:38.359 --> 00:26:41.259
but it's absolutely. their connection to the

00:26:41.259 --> 00:26:44.720
non -physical, where their soul is being called

00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:47.400
home. Terminal agitation is completely different.

00:26:47.500 --> 00:26:50.720
It truly is an agitation. And as I was sharing

00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:53.059
with you my experience, I look probably like

00:26:53.059 --> 00:26:55.240
the craziest person in that bed, screaming at

00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:57.200
people to help me and trying to get out. And

00:26:57.200 --> 00:27:00.400
it can look like that. People pick at their clothes.

00:27:00.619 --> 00:27:02.700
You can tell they're physically uncomfortable.

00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.980
We have medication for that, and it does definitely

00:27:05.980 --> 00:27:10.279
calm them. But what I truly feel is happening

00:27:10.279 --> 00:27:12.480
now, since I've gone through my own experience,

00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:15.299
is those things, those false limiting beliefs

00:27:15.299 --> 00:27:19.400
that they bought into and they exhibited in their

00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:22.299
lifetime are being brought up from the belly

00:27:22.299 --> 00:27:25.400
of the soul so that the light can shine on them

00:27:25.400 --> 00:27:27.559
so that it can be released. Because the only

00:27:27.559 --> 00:27:30.319
thing that goes back with you is love. There's

00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:33.180
nothing else that goes back with you. When you

00:27:33.180 --> 00:27:35.839
go back to that light of love, that's what you

00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:39.319
take back to it. and possibly the story of the

00:27:39.319 --> 00:27:42.839
experience, right? If people know this in advance,

00:27:43.039 --> 00:27:46.180
had I known that even if I was dying, that I

00:27:46.180 --> 00:27:49.059
might be going through something like that, in

00:27:49.059 --> 00:27:51.220
my awareness, I might have been able to recall

00:27:51.220 --> 00:27:53.519
it, because all of the history was awareness

00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:56.339
that was being called forward. And to let people

00:27:56.339 --> 00:27:59.420
know it won't last, it's honestly there to help

00:27:59.420 --> 00:28:02.680
them release any garbage that can't go with them,

00:28:02.779 --> 00:28:04.460
and they'll be able to see it for what it is

00:28:04.460 --> 00:28:06.880
and do like me, like, oh my gosh. the compassion

00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:10.539
and I see why that happened and I see how that

00:28:10.539 --> 00:28:13.180
made me a better person. And a better nurse,

00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:17.279
right? Sounds like your NDE made you a much more

00:28:17.279 --> 00:28:20.220
compassionate hospice nurse. Well, especially

00:28:20.220 --> 00:28:22.279
with that because I didn't necessarily know what

00:28:22.279 --> 00:28:25.680
that was, terminal agitation. And it can be a

00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:27.400
little scary when you see it because it's like

00:28:27.400 --> 00:28:29.180
what is happening? This is supposed to be a sacred

00:28:29.180 --> 00:28:32.599
thing. It is still so sacred. It is still so

00:28:32.599 --> 00:28:35.240
sacred, even in that, even in that, because it's

00:28:35.240 --> 00:28:38.039
just an undoing of that that doesn't serve them.

00:28:38.180 --> 00:28:40.799
Now that I see that, I've absolutely been able

00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:42.920
to help patients move through it. I've been able

00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.960
to tell them that they're open. Please know I

00:28:45.960 --> 00:28:48.539
am very sensitive to people's beliefs and that

00:28:48.539 --> 00:28:51.839
sort of thing. And I wait for an invitation before

00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:54.079
I share anything. And I don't necessarily share

00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:56.940
about my experience, but I promise them that

00:28:56.940 --> 00:28:59.880
it's not going to last long. It's just like birthing.

00:29:00.039 --> 00:29:02.200
We don't remember all the squishy bumpies that

00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:06.180
we came in through that portal, but it can be

00:29:06.180 --> 00:29:08.339
a little bumpy on the back end. Just hang on

00:29:08.339 --> 00:29:12.019
and I promise it will all turn into that golden

00:29:12.019 --> 00:29:16.069
liquid love. How has being a hospice nurse helped

00:29:16.069 --> 00:29:20.170
your faith or your hope in an afterlife? There's

00:29:20.170 --> 00:29:23.390
no doubt that there is more beyond this physical

00:29:23.390 --> 00:29:26.869
form. We are energetic spiritual beings having

00:29:26.869 --> 00:29:29.910
a human experience and that light of love that

00:29:29.910 --> 00:29:32.890
initiated the spark that got our journey going

00:29:32.890 --> 00:29:36.670
from conception is still available to us and

00:29:36.670 --> 00:29:39.650
we haven't been taught to connect to it. But

00:29:39.650 --> 00:29:43.740
once you do, Life is, and I wasn't very good

00:29:43.740 --> 00:29:46.000
with connecting with people because of my history.

00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:48.799
I can't get out of people's connection. I mean,

00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:51.279
when people are moving through that, just to

00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:54.819
be in that unfolding for them and help them move

00:29:54.819 --> 00:29:57.539
through it is such an honor. It is just such

00:29:57.539 --> 00:30:00.299
an honor. And I have no fear around it now. So

00:30:00.299 --> 00:30:03.500
I can guide from that heart space instead of

00:30:03.500 --> 00:30:06.359
my head space, if that makes sense. All right.

00:30:06.859 --> 00:30:09.500
Could you give us an experience or two that you've

00:30:09.500 --> 00:30:12.980
had with patients that helped that faith promoting

00:30:12.980 --> 00:30:16.859
kind of thing or made you Believe more in an

00:30:16.859 --> 00:30:19.099
afterlife. Yes first one that I'm gonna share

00:30:19.099 --> 00:30:22.099
with you is a patient that I worked with in a

00:30:22.099 --> 00:30:26.200
long -term care facility and He was an atheist

00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:29.660
very much Did not believe in anything else beyond

00:30:29.660 --> 00:30:32.420
what was happening. I had the opportunity to

00:30:32.420 --> 00:30:36.509
work with him and help him Opened his mind to

00:30:36.509 --> 00:30:40.049
a possibility of being able to create what comes

00:30:40.049 --> 00:30:43.890
next his heaven or you know that that fear that

00:30:43.890 --> 00:30:45.569
he had of the unknown because he didn't believe

00:30:45.569 --> 00:30:48.150
in anything I challenged him to say let's try

00:30:48.150 --> 00:30:50.470
to make it up like if you could do anything How

00:30:50.470 --> 00:30:53.950
would it be and so he shared that he would be

00:30:53.950 --> 00:30:56.710
in the forest in the rivers and he would be climbing

00:30:56.710 --> 00:30:59.569
a mountain This is this the divinity. You just

00:30:59.569 --> 00:31:01.930
can't make it up. The timing was such for whatever

00:31:01.930 --> 00:31:04.279
reason I felt called to go in early that morning

00:31:04.279 --> 00:31:06.480
and I don't even know why. Probably to catch

00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:08.339
the night shift people just so I could say, as

00:31:08.339 --> 00:31:10.880
a manager, I saw you guys or whatever. But I

00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:14.359
went in early and he was actually starting his

00:31:14.359 --> 00:31:17.480
transition. And so I sat with him on the bed

00:31:17.480 --> 00:31:21.180
and I recalled everything that he had shared

00:31:21.180 --> 00:31:24.380
with me about what his journey to the non -physical

00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:26.740
was gonna look like. As we were moving through

00:31:26.740 --> 00:31:29.579
this, he would whisper like. You don't have a

00:31:29.579 --> 00:31:31.599
powerful voice at that time. You don't have that

00:31:31.599 --> 00:31:34.579
energy. But he would whisper and would confirm

00:31:34.579 --> 00:31:36.880
that what we were doing together was working.

00:31:37.619 --> 00:31:40.859
And so I was kind of like, a something came over

00:31:40.859 --> 00:31:43.019
me and I was rooting him. He didn't have family.

00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:45.319
So it was just me and him. And I was rooting

00:31:45.319 --> 00:31:47.920
him to climb that mountain and to hang on. The

00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:49.700
bumpy part wasn't going to last long. And he

00:31:49.700 --> 00:31:53.079
was almost there. And this glow and this smile

00:31:53.079 --> 00:31:55.759
that came over this guy as he's taken his last

00:31:55.759 --> 00:32:00.470
few breaths was... blew me back like I was it

00:32:00.470 --> 00:32:05.829
was like being in heaven in that moment and when

00:32:05.829 --> 00:32:09.710
I actually saw the energy on his last exhale

00:32:09.710 --> 00:32:13.650
and it was one of the most beautiful deaths I

00:32:13.650 --> 00:32:18.430
have ever experienced and I know that we are

00:32:18.430 --> 00:32:20.809
divinely connected to the source that created

00:32:20.809 --> 00:32:24.289
us we've just forgotten and if we can help people

00:32:24.289 --> 00:32:26.950
remember their own power so this guy created

00:32:26.950 --> 00:32:29.579
his journey back to the non -physical and it

00:32:29.579 --> 00:32:31.200
was beautiful. I would have thought he would

00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:33.319
have had a really hard one, but it was beautiful.

00:32:33.799 --> 00:32:37.700
Did you just say you saw his energy? I did. I've

00:32:37.700 --> 00:32:41.380
seen energy leave twice. So what it looks like

00:32:41.380 --> 00:32:45.940
is as people are passing, their pupil of the

00:32:45.940 --> 00:32:50.380
eye will constrict down very tightly before their

00:32:50.380 --> 00:32:54.500
soul exits the body with that final breath. When

00:32:54.500 --> 00:32:57.400
the final breath happens, the eyes dilate. right

00:32:57.400 --> 00:32:59.599
open and this man had the most beautiful blue

00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:03.440
eyes so when the dilation happened the blue hue

00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:06.380
on the outside was very prominent and it's like

00:33:06.380 --> 00:33:11.420
a film or a gasp you that released from this

00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:15.039
area of him it was you know you do this sort

00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:19.420
of thing like yeah did i really see that Yeah.

00:33:19.640 --> 00:33:22.000
Oh, absolutely. And so I did that sort of thing.

00:33:22.019 --> 00:33:24.259
Like I thought, do I have a tear in my eye? Like

00:33:24.259 --> 00:33:27.019
what is happening here? And it was very, it wasn't

00:33:27.019 --> 00:33:29.319
like a form body. It was just like an energy

00:33:29.319 --> 00:33:31.640
film. Like if you're pumping gas, how you can

00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:34.119
see behind the gas, but you see the distortion

00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.980
in front between you and the pump. It was the

00:33:37.980 --> 00:33:41.039
same thing in my experience of what I saw. Sort

00:33:41.039 --> 00:33:43.640
of like a heat wave kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.

00:33:43.640 --> 00:33:46.700
Yeah. Like a mirage on a road, but you can see

00:33:46.700 --> 00:33:48.930
through it. You can see on the other side of

00:33:48.930 --> 00:33:51.670
it. Yeah, fascinating. OK, what was the other

00:33:51.670 --> 00:33:53.950
one you were thinking of? My best friend, Brett,

00:33:54.329 --> 00:33:57.309
he had cancer. He had been sent to a hospice

00:33:57.309 --> 00:33:59.289
house to die. He was in the hospital for four

00:33:59.289 --> 00:34:01.750
months. He had an internal bleed from his cancer,

00:34:01.890 --> 00:34:03.829
colon cancer. They couldn't find it. They pumped

00:34:03.829 --> 00:34:05.990
him up with blood, sent him to the hospice house.

00:34:06.829 --> 00:34:09.449
And he called me and he said, there's a miracle

00:34:09.449 --> 00:34:11.869
that has happened. My bleeding stopped when I

00:34:11.869 --> 00:34:13.570
was being transported from the hospital to the

00:34:13.570 --> 00:34:16.269
hospice house. Come get me. Come get me out of

00:34:16.269 --> 00:34:18.550
the hospice house. If I truly am dying, they

00:34:18.550 --> 00:34:20.530
gave him three days that the blood that they

00:34:20.530 --> 00:34:22.949
put in was going to be done. And I kept saying,

00:34:23.110 --> 00:34:24.809
that's not a bad way to go. You just kind of

00:34:24.809 --> 00:34:27.750
go to sleep. And he's telling me for sure he's

00:34:27.750 --> 00:34:29.389
had a miracle. And in my medical mind, I'm like,

00:34:29.750 --> 00:34:31.510
you haven't had a miracle? There's no way. This

00:34:31.510 --> 00:34:33.309
guy couldn't find it for as long as you were

00:34:33.309 --> 00:34:36.530
in there. He's adamant. I was like, OK, I am

00:34:36.530 --> 00:34:38.010
going to bring him home. I bring him home, and

00:34:38.010 --> 00:34:40.090
he was with me for 16 more months. And in that

00:34:40.090 --> 00:34:43.139
16 months, we had some just... you can't make

00:34:43.139 --> 00:34:45.699
the shit up, like magical moments, right? You

00:34:45.699 --> 00:34:48.260
just can't make it up. And he really started

00:34:48.260 --> 00:34:50.420
to open my eyes to seeing things differently,

00:34:50.619 --> 00:34:53.059
to opening my eyes to God, to opening my eyes.

00:34:53.480 --> 00:34:55.940
And we lived it. He was on borrowed time. So

00:34:55.940 --> 00:34:57.920
we would get up in the morning, we would have

00:34:57.920 --> 00:35:00.159
our gripe session about everything that was wrong

00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:02.210
in the world and all the people around us. And

00:35:02.210 --> 00:35:04.369
then that was it. We had one hour. And then we

00:35:04.369 --> 00:35:06.570
were out living life every single day to the

00:35:06.570 --> 00:35:09.670
fullest. So he really helped me understand what

00:35:09.670 --> 00:35:11.690
that was about. He really helped me understand

00:35:11.690 --> 00:35:13.630
what unconditional love was about for the first

00:35:13.630 --> 00:35:16.710
time. And here I'm in my 50s, right? He was just

00:35:16.710 --> 00:35:18.610
truly a best friend. And it was such an honor

00:35:18.610 --> 00:35:20.809
to go through that with him. He was the other

00:35:20.809 --> 00:35:23.389
one where I saw the same sort of thing. That

00:35:23.389 --> 00:35:26.289
film, for lack of a better word, on the final

00:35:26.289 --> 00:35:31.409
exhale was... Visible and it and as when it left

00:35:31.409 --> 00:35:35.429
the tender smile that was on his face i wish

00:35:35.429 --> 00:35:37.329
i would have taken a picture you know you can

00:35:37.329 --> 00:35:40.050
tell people but until you are it's a such an

00:35:40.050 --> 00:35:43.730
experiential sort of thing. To be in that presence

00:35:43.730 --> 00:35:47.570
of that is truly grace and so many people miss

00:35:47.570 --> 00:35:49.690
it cuz we're afraid of it right we're afraid.

00:35:50.219 --> 00:35:52.739
to stand in that as it's happening, but it's

00:35:52.739 --> 00:35:55.239
really a very cool place. All right, speaking

00:35:55.239 --> 00:35:57.639
of fear, before I let you go, I have one last

00:35:57.639 --> 00:36:01.659
question, and that is, Michelle, on a scale of

00:36:01.659 --> 00:36:04.599
one to 10, what is your level of fear of death?

00:36:05.539 --> 00:36:09.880
Zero, none whatsoever. I'm not one of those that

00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:12.900
I want to go home to go to this because I feel

00:36:12.900 --> 00:36:15.639
I've connected with it here. And so it's just

00:36:15.639 --> 00:36:18.800
going to be bonus when I leave my suit. I'm not

00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:21.099
afraid at all. All right, thank you so much for

00:36:21.099 --> 00:36:26.539
being with me today. Thank you so much. Thanks

00:36:26.539 --> 00:36:28.940
again for listening and sharing this podcast.

00:36:29.300 --> 00:36:31.659
Don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button

00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:34.059
and sign up for our newsletter at roundtripdeath

00:36:34.059 --> 00:36:37.599
.com. If you want to share your near -death experience

00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:39.880
or if you have questions or comments about the

00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:42.739
show, send an email to eric at roundtripdeath

00:36:42.739 --> 00:36:45.920
.com. Until then, I wish you everything good

00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:48.219
that you're looking for in this life and the

00:36:48.219 --> 00:36:48.639
next.