Death From Covid, NDE With Angelic Music Sing-along

WEBVTT

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From the time that they pronounced me that was

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a good 45 minutes They cut my clothes and then

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they paddled my heart my heart stopped and I

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could see people screaming and crying But I didn't

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realize that was actually my physical body because

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I was somewhere else The only thing that I could

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feel if you can imagine Absolute love and peace

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there wasn't anything else to be felt. I was

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greeted by people I had known in the past I'm

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back home again. Incredibly safe and felt at

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home. Welcome, welcome to Round Trip Death, everybody.

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And a warm welcome this morning to Holly Porter,

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who's coming to us from Southern Utah. And hey,

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it's great to have you, Holly. Thanks. Great

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to be here, Eric. Hey, one thing that I forgot

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to forewarn you of, and that is on this show.

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We like to get to know our guests a little bit

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personally. So if you wouldn't mind, before we

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jump into your near -death experience, taking

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just one minute to tell us a little bit about

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you. Who is Holly? Well, thank you. Well, I've

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always been an entrepreneur. I grew up with parents

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that were entrepreneurs, and I am from a family

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of nine children. and then my parents. And so

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I've always had my own companies. I've had 11

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startup companies, not even counting all the

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little things that I did over the years or help

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my kids set up in business, not even counting

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those. So I just, I get excited about new things.

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I don't jump ship easy. I usually overlap what

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I do. So I've had all kinds of businesses from

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I had a hair salon for 20 years. I've done real

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estate for over 20 years. We've had a concrete

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company for, I don't know, 30 something years.

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You have a nonprofit. We have a nonprofit. Yeah,

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I'll share a little bit more about that in my

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story. And that's that's an exciting thing that's

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came just in the last few years. We also have

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eight children of our own and 18 grandkids. I

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think that's it. You deserve a round of applause

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for that. That's fantastic. So congratulations,

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you are a busy person. And I don't know how with

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everything you have going on, how you ever had

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time to get sick. But in 2021, what happened?

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Well, I really didn't. I got a common cold usually

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once a year maybe, but I just I was a very healthy

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person. So when we were in the midst of COVID,

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we started going back to events and I love events.

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I participate and have my own. So I ended up

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going to a conference and came back with COVID,

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the Delta version. And I always think about sitting

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on that plane, how many people I infected on

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my way home. And I pray none of them died from

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that because I got so sick. So I came home, I

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fought it and really almost refused and didn't

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even consider going to the hospital for a week.

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Because like I said, I just... thought I'd be

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fine until I woke up and intuitively knew I was

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not fine. I got him sick when I got home. We

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were living in a fifth wheel, so we're tiny little

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quarters of germs. We were waiting to close on

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a house, which we ultimately ended up losing

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because they didn't know if I'd live or die.

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So we had to get another house later down the

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road. But he took me to the hospital and just

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dropped me off. Not just dropped me off, dropped

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me off at the front to go park. Let me clarify

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that. Just open the door and kick you right out.

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See you later. Get out. I can't help you anymore.

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Well, he said he parked and by the time he walked

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in to the ER, they already had me on my way up

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to the ICU. ER, I've never heard that quick.

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moving. They knew I was in trouble. My oxygen

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was at 63. They said I probably would have made

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it maybe another hour as bad as I was. So four

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days, I think it was pretty clear. I didn't want

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to be intubated. I actually ended up getting

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intubated twice, had a trachea, had sepsis, and

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a couple of other life threatening infections

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while I was there that any one of those would

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have taken me out. But the will to live was there,

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I guess, and God's will was there. And that's

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where I had About within a three and a half week

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period of time is where I had all of these experiences.

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And I wasn't aware that there was out of body

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spiritual transformation experiences and near

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death experience. I just, I'd only heard of near

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death experiences. So it's been a learning journey

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for me and it's, it's been a game changer and

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a life changer for me. Well, I want to talk about

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all of those, but let's start with the near death

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experience itself and then we'll branch out from

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there. So was there a time where you were clinically

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dead or someplace in between? Because we've heard

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near -death experiences from people that were

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in comas, including people that had COVID. Where

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were you at? What happened? I don't ever, anyone

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were telling me that I flatlined. So I guess

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I would say the in -between, which is interesting.

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The in -between is part of my story. So for me,

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my journey started. I left in these experiences.

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I mean, I laugh about it because it's kind of

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funny. But I mean, it just was my story. So I

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would leave in my bed. And there's even even

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a chapter we're writing in a book called, you

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know, my book that's called me in my bed, because

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I think subconsciously, I was aware I was sick.

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And I was aware I wasn't doing well. And if I

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left my body to go to these places. I might not

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get it back. And I think I really knew that.

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And so I took it with me. So the near death experience

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was the same. I took my bed and now I'm going

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down the hallway to the long corridor. And I

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remember kind of sitting up shaking my finger

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at the receptionist saying, I rescind my DNR.

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I rescind my DNR. And I think they had just had

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me sign all that because when they put the ventilator

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in you, you pretty much sign your life away,

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which seems really odd because that's under duress

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for real estate. I don't know how that's not

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duress. Yeah, terrifying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, whatever.

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Anyway, and it's really tricky when they intubate

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you, by the way. They only have these few seconds

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because you've got to be stable enough that you

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could not have a breath long enough for them

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to get the tubes down you. Yeah, it's traumatic.

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I never suffered from PTSD or... or anxiety before.

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And so all those things, I mean, if you, anyone

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that has that kind of experience definitely has

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suffered from that. But in the experience, I'm

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going down the corridor and then I'm seeing all

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these other beds going with me. I don't know.

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I didn't give it much thought, but we're all

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just hanging out, going down these hallways.

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And I look back now and think those were probably

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other people in the hospital dying because we

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had half of them at the time dying. They had

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two full floors full of people with this Delta

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version. Next thing I know, I'm in like what

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I call a stadium. It was like you figure the

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biggest football stadium or whatever that you

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see. And in the sky boxes was where all of us

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got to go because we were in beds and we couldn't

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get out of them. So we all got put there. And

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then there was this like pause. It's like, next

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thing I know, I'm out of my bed and I'm in that

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stadium and there's thousands of people. I remember

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seeing all this matter floating around and everything

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was just, it was so bright that I'm surprised

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I could see. I could see very clearly and I'm

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legally blind. I need hefty correction to get

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my eyesight. I remember that being kind of an

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aha. I was like, Wow, I can see the best I can

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see, even with all this matter and stuff swirling

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around. What do you mean by matter? What did

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it look like? Like fog, but it was bright. Everything

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necessarily maybe wasn't white, but just bright.

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Yeah, it would just like swirl around, but I

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could see most everybody I could see from the

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waist up, but I do remember seeing feet and nobody

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was on the ground. So there's thousands of people,

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nobody's touching the ground. I don't remember

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having any thoughts that that was weird because

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I was like in the moment. I was there. I was

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like so fascinated with this experience and they,

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everybody's having fun. I say it was a concert

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because then the music starts and the music is

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coming from all four directions everywhere. It's

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singing and it's, it's just like. the most angelic

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voices I've ever heard. And I'm a singer, not

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now, COVID took my voice away, unfortunately,

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but I remember I didn't recognize any of the

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songs, but I knew the words to every song. So

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I'm just sitting there enjoying it with people

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singing along and they're having these conversations,

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nobody's talking. So it all had to be, you know,

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telepathy. And I remember it was like light speed.

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If you had a thought, you had an answer. If you

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wanted to know something, you knew it just like

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everything was just like, and so I remember doing

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all that. And then the next thing I know, I'm

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having what I would call my life review. And

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all I'm seeing is love. All I'm seeing is, you

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know, hugging and, and acts of good service and

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kindness. And, and I don't know if at that moment

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I remember thinking, where's all the bad? I mean,

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I probably had that thought. That was just it.

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I just kept seeing good after good after good.

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And then I was told two things. I was told I

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had pitched a company with a new business idea

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that had a billionaire backer. And the day I

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found out I had COVID, I pitched about nine people

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on a Zoom. And I was told not to partner with

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them. That wasn't the highest and best use. to

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put with that company that that wasn't the right

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thing to do and don't do it. It'll take you longer.

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Don't do it. So that was the first thing. The

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second thing I was told was to start this nonprofit

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and it was called Adventure Bucket Wish. And

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I thought, oh, that's a, I remember thinking

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that's a fun name. That sounds fun to me, you

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know, and I like fun. If it's not fun, I'm not

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doing it. So that was the only instructions I

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got. Nothing else was laid out. No other assignment.

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I didn't get a choice to stay or to go. I just

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had to come back. So next thing I know, I'm back

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in my body. I'm very anxious and probably a little

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agitated and scared. So my husband couldn't come

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stay with me in the hospital for three and a

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half weeks because he had COVID. So they wouldn't

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let him in. And when he did finally get to come,

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I can have one person every 24 hours. And so

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I had two twin sisters that would take 24 hour

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shifts. Most of the time they were the ones with

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me and they would stay. And I think intuitively

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they knew in the beginning that I needed I needed

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them there. I feel like they saved my life by

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being there. Just the accountability for the

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medical staff, just for the comfort for me. So

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the sister's there and she could tell something

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was going on. Well, I couldn't talk because I

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was still intubated and they had brought out

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an alphabet and I could point at letters to spell

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things out, which sometimes one word took me

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like two hours to spell because I was so weak.

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She starts bringing that out and I start spelling

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K -I -D. And she says, oh, do you need me to

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tell your kids or do something with your kids?

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And she knew that wasn't it. And then N -A -P.

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And she said, when you spelled out kidnap, I

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had ran an errand because I was doing better.

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When I came back, obviously my body was doing

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better. And she ran an errand. came back and

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she said, what happened? She goes, I wanted to

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throw up because I was like, I just left for

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a little bit. So right when she figures out what

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I say, the doctor and the nurse come in and they

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come to exubate me and take the tube out. So

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she said, this was in between my first and my

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second intubation. And she said, when they took

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it out, you could talk, not very well, but you

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had a lot to say. I realized quickly there were

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people in the room, spirits in the room, and

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I realized quickly that I was the only one that

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could see them. After the doctor and nurse left,

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my sister was opening up the bathroom door, the

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closet, the drawers, showing me no one's in here,

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no one's in here. And so I was always really

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unsettled. Why did I feel kidnapped? I just was

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at the best concert of my life. That's the way

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I looked at it at the time. I mean, I was having

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the best time ever. Why would I feel kidnapped?

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So I didn't get an answer to that until two years

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later. So two years after that, I had the worst,

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worst two years of my whole life. I was doing

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things that I was told I incorporated these two

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companies within like three months out of the

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hospital. And because long COVID was just getting

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known of what that is, of course that came and

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then all the crappy diagnoses came and all the

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life -threatening lung disease came, and all

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these other things came after I got out of the

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hospital, not counting the rehabilitation, staying

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on oxygen for eight more months. There was a

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lot of things that were happening, a lot of COVID

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fog. You would think that your family would embrace

00:13:26.350 --> 00:13:28.929
you thinking they just about lost you, and they

00:13:28.929 --> 00:13:31.509
still could have. I was still very ill. And it

00:13:31.509 --> 00:13:34.389
was like I repelled everybody. I had my husband,

00:13:34.549 --> 00:13:36.470
a couple close friends, and a couple siblings

00:13:36.470 --> 00:13:39.690
who I felt like my whole world was. I felt like

00:13:39.690 --> 00:13:42.070
they were the only ones that had my back. I found

00:13:42.070 --> 00:13:46.009
myself in jeopardized relationships with siblings

00:13:46.009 --> 00:13:50.470
and with my children. And I couldn't make sense

00:13:50.470 --> 00:13:53.110
of any of it. I was going through the hardest

00:13:53.110 --> 00:13:56.250
time ever. So for two years, I went through this,

00:13:56.370 --> 00:13:59.210
cried every day, prayed almost every day that

00:13:59.210 --> 00:14:02.639
I would have died. I just thought, why would

00:14:02.639 --> 00:14:06.279
a God of love, why would he save me to put me

00:14:06.279 --> 00:14:09.679
through this hell? Why? I don't understand. Why

00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:13.080
didn't you just let me die? So of course, when

00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:15.340
we're in things and in circumstances, we don't

00:14:15.340 --> 00:14:17.899
really understand until later when we look back

00:14:17.899 --> 00:14:21.059
and see really what was happening. So fast forward

00:14:21.059 --> 00:14:25.120
two years, I was really feeling like I was working

00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:28.360
on a book and I was feeling like I knew the out

00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:30.860
-of -body experiences. I knew the spiritual transformation

00:14:30.860 --> 00:14:32.899
experience that I had. I was very clear on all

00:14:32.899 --> 00:14:35.860
those. But then near death, there was some gaps.

00:14:36.179 --> 00:14:39.320
I mean, when I bounced from the bed to the arena,

00:14:39.860 --> 00:14:42.679
it was just like... What's going on here? So

00:14:42.679 --> 00:14:45.799
out of integrity for my book, I asked a friend

00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:48.460
of mine who does hypnosis and he trained me in

00:14:48.460 --> 00:14:50.759
hypnosis a few years prior. So I was very familiar

00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:53.960
with the way it works. And I asked him if he'd

00:14:53.960 --> 00:14:56.720
do a session on just my NDE. So we did about

00:14:56.720 --> 00:14:59.139
an hour and 40 minute session. And I'm telling

00:14:59.139 --> 00:15:03.700
you that was almost as good as the NDE. It's

00:15:03.700 --> 00:15:06.120
weird that I didn't compare them, but I'll share

00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:08.779
and then you'll understand why. Can I just interject

00:15:08.779 --> 00:15:11.059
a couple things as long as we have a little pause

00:15:11.059 --> 00:15:15.480
here right now? It is relatively normal for people

00:15:15.480 --> 00:15:19.440
to remember some of their NDE immediately and

00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:22.279
then have more memories of it come back as time

00:15:22.279 --> 00:15:25.720
goes on. That doesn't make it any less real,

00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:30.299
okay? In fact, I want to hear all about the hypnosis.

00:15:30.379 --> 00:15:33.340
So how about if we do some questions on this

00:15:33.340 --> 00:15:35.820
part and then let's move on to the hypnosis in

00:15:35.820 --> 00:15:38.990
the next chapter? You said that the songs that

00:15:38.990 --> 00:15:42.730
were being sung by this angelic choir in this

00:15:42.730 --> 00:15:45.529
stadium, that you didn't know them, but you knew

00:15:45.529 --> 00:15:48.929
the words somehow. Do you remember any of those

00:15:48.929 --> 00:15:51.090
words? Do you remember anything that was sung?

00:15:51.509 --> 00:15:54.450
That is such a good question. I never thought

00:15:54.450 --> 00:15:57.929
about it. I don't think so. I don't think so,

00:15:57.929 --> 00:15:59.669
but hopefully that's more of what I'll remember

00:15:59.669 --> 00:16:03.029
later. Because I just remember they were so beautiful.

00:16:03.549 --> 00:16:05.090
And I was like, I've never heard these, but I

00:16:05.090 --> 00:16:07.480
could sing right along. Like I had everything

00:16:07.480 --> 00:16:11.919
memorized. OK, my next question. I have too many.

00:16:12.100 --> 00:16:14.639
Our listeners know this. I go crazy with questions,

00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:17.440
but I'll I'll try to keep them brief. Was there

00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:19.659
any kind of an unusual feeling going back into

00:16:19.659 --> 00:16:22.120
your body or was it just a very natural thing?

00:16:22.539 --> 00:16:25.740
I remember just, yeah, just being there. I remember

00:16:25.740 --> 00:16:28.159
not getting a choice to come back and just being

00:16:28.159 --> 00:16:30.580
there. OK, I want to know a little bit more about

00:16:30.580 --> 00:16:33.399
your life review. You said you only remembered

00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:35.759
the good things. Can you give us any examples

00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:39.129
of some that you remember seeing or experiencing

00:16:39.129 --> 00:16:42.590
in that review? Yeah. I saw a lot of acts of

00:16:42.590 --> 00:16:46.049
service that I had done over the years. Everything's

00:16:46.049 --> 00:16:50.490
so fast. The time is just so different. What

00:16:50.490 --> 00:16:55.169
I'm seeing is almost like clips. I don't know

00:16:55.169 --> 00:16:57.610
how to explain it than that. For me, what was

00:16:57.610 --> 00:17:02.649
slow and what was moving was the hugs. I remember

00:17:02.649 --> 00:17:05.329
just like that's how love was being shown a lot

00:17:05.329 --> 00:17:10.059
to me. My opinion is I believe that God shows

00:17:10.059 --> 00:17:13.619
everybody in their experiences how you will understand

00:17:13.619 --> 00:17:17.900
it so for me, you know love love meant hugs and

00:17:17.900 --> 00:17:21.059
support and People having your back and it was

00:17:21.059 --> 00:17:24.119
just for me. It was more of what I was showing

00:17:24.119 --> 00:17:27.240
people They were giving back because of what

00:17:27.240 --> 00:17:30.519
I was giving does that make sense? Yeah, and

00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:33.269
what are you feeling during all of this? Oh,

00:17:33.730 --> 00:17:37.890
unconditional love and joy and the peace. I don't

00:17:37.890 --> 00:17:41.890
think I had ever felt that kind of peace ever.

00:17:42.609 --> 00:17:44.470
A lot of people are worried that this is going

00:17:44.470 --> 00:17:48.789
to be some kind of judgmental shame, how dare

00:17:48.789 --> 00:17:51.789
you, this kind of stuff. But life reviews aren't

00:17:51.789 --> 00:17:55.930
that way. Although some people report that they

00:17:55.930 --> 00:17:58.130
remember some things that they had done wrong

00:17:58.130 --> 00:18:01.519
in a way that they hurt another person. But it

00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:03.880
still was not associated with guilt and shame.

00:18:04.420 --> 00:18:07.200
It was just a learning type of experience. Did

00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:09.259
you have any of those too? Because you said you

00:18:09.259 --> 00:18:12.059
only had positive ones. Yeah, well, and I found

00:18:12.059 --> 00:18:15.500
out later when I did a hypnosis session, why.

00:18:16.180 --> 00:18:19.339
All right, jump into the hypnosis. Okay, I was

00:18:19.339 --> 00:18:23.240
like, I want to tell you. Okay, so I go to have

00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:26.839
this hypnosis session and the first place I end

00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:30.819
up being being in here was where I didn't remember

00:18:30.819 --> 00:18:35.039
from my NDE. So I was in this what I call the

00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:37.839
in between. It was in dark and it wasn't light.

00:18:38.019 --> 00:18:40.920
And so the darks on the right side and the less

00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:44.279
of the light side. And I'm seeing all that matter

00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:47.720
that I saw in my NDE of the light. But now it's

00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:51.180
like shadowy. It's it's I wasn't scared. I didn't

00:18:51.180 --> 00:18:54.900
feel evil things around me. I just I remember

00:18:54.900 --> 00:18:58.269
I felt confusion. I felt why why am I here? It

00:18:58.269 --> 00:19:00.869
was just weird to be stuck in this in -between.

00:19:01.509 --> 00:19:04.849
I remember looking off on the right side, but

00:19:04.849 --> 00:19:07.609
way off in the distance in front of me was a

00:19:07.609 --> 00:19:11.029
mountain that had one eye on it. And I remember

00:19:11.029 --> 00:19:13.609
thinking that was really weird that I saw that.

00:19:13.829 --> 00:19:16.210
And so I saw it twice. When I saw it the second

00:19:16.210 --> 00:19:19.230
time, I remember saying to myself, all right,

00:19:19.369 --> 00:19:21.819
noted. Obviously, I'm supposed to see this. I

00:19:21.819 --> 00:19:23.799
don't know why you're looking at me, but whatever.

00:19:24.319 --> 00:19:26.940
So there was that experience. And then the hypnotist

00:19:26.940 --> 00:19:30.460
said, is the matter, is there a person there?

00:19:30.500 --> 00:19:32.619
And I said, I don't know. And so he basically

00:19:32.619 --> 00:19:35.759
kept saying, can you try to hold the energy?

00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:38.539
bring it together when it's swirling around and

00:19:38.539 --> 00:19:41.200
it would swirl around and then some of them would

00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:44.059
they form into a heart and the heart would would

00:19:44.059 --> 00:19:46.299
go towards the light like everyone's attracted

00:19:46.299 --> 00:19:48.740
to light and and i remember thinking that was

00:19:48.740 --> 00:19:52.160
that was really really neat to see and then he

00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:54.579
said hold that energy there and so i did and

00:19:54.579 --> 00:19:56.900
then i'd hold it and it would disperse and i'd

00:19:56.900 --> 00:19:59.779
hold it and it would disperse and he's just just

00:19:59.779 --> 00:20:02.660
keep trying to hold it is it a person yes It's

00:20:02.660 --> 00:20:06.339
an entity. Okay. So in hypnosis, I don't know

00:20:06.339 --> 00:20:08.180
if people know this or not, but a lot of times

00:20:08.180 --> 00:20:10.099
whoever you're having a challenge with or working

00:20:10.099 --> 00:20:13.019
on a problem, they have them become you so that

00:20:13.019 --> 00:20:15.079
the hypnotist can speak to them and find out

00:20:15.079 --> 00:20:17.400
how do we resolve this. And I knew all that.

00:20:17.480 --> 00:20:20.059
I was trained. So I knew all that. I wasn't afraid

00:20:20.059 --> 00:20:21.900
at all. I mean, I thought about it later and

00:20:21.900 --> 00:20:24.180
I thought, why would I want to become an entity?

00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:28.279
But it wasn't a fearful thing. So he has him

00:20:28.279 --> 00:20:31.259
become me. And he says, when I count backwards

00:20:31.259 --> 00:20:33.829
from three, to one, you're going to tell me your

00:20:33.829 --> 00:20:38.710
name." He says, three, two, one, and I blurt

00:20:38.710 --> 00:20:43.710
out Darby. I'm still listening to all this, so

00:20:43.710 --> 00:20:46.250
I know what's going on. I don't even know where

00:20:46.250 --> 00:20:49.490
that name came from. Interestingly enough, three

00:20:49.490 --> 00:20:52.329
times in the month after that, I heard that name,

00:20:52.329 --> 00:20:55.630
Darby. That was interesting. He talked to Darby.

00:20:55.710 --> 00:20:58.210
Darby didn't have any connection to me. Darby

00:20:58.210 --> 00:21:02.259
wanted my light. Remember when I felt kidnapped

00:21:02.259 --> 00:21:04.440
and never could figure out why I felt kidnapped

00:21:04.440 --> 00:21:08.779
well Darby came and intervened Jokingly, I always

00:21:08.779 --> 00:21:11.900
thought my theory was I probably all have a guide

00:21:11.900 --> 00:21:14.380
and they all have to learn their jobs So my guide

00:21:14.380 --> 00:21:16.720
must have been in training and he took me before

00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:19.119
he was supposed to so I know I kind of thought

00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:21.680
that well I wasn't that far off because in the

00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:25.809
hypnosis session Darby was an entity, he wasn't

00:21:25.809 --> 00:21:28.230
my guide. He was an entity that took me because

00:21:28.230 --> 00:21:31.569
he wanted my light. So he brought me there and

00:21:31.569 --> 00:21:35.029
I had to have a spiritual intervention to get

00:21:35.029 --> 00:21:39.329
back on course. So he just he said, I can't go

00:21:39.329 --> 00:21:43.009
to the light and I can't have my own, so I want

00:21:43.009 --> 00:21:46.049
hers. And this banter went back and forth with

00:21:46.049 --> 00:21:48.329
the hypnotist and him. And, well, you know, you're

00:21:48.329 --> 00:21:51.130
stealing that from her. That's her light. That's

00:21:51.130 --> 00:21:53.589
hers to have, not yours. And yes, they went back

00:21:53.589 --> 00:21:55.650
and forth for a while till finally he wouldn't

00:21:55.650 --> 00:21:59.809
release me until the light was coming to get

00:21:59.809 --> 00:22:03.910
me. So I remember my eyes are closed. I'm feeling

00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:08.069
the heat and more the heat from how bright it

00:22:08.069 --> 00:22:11.200
was. And I remember Ah, this is the bright that

00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:13.900
I felt at that concert, you know, and I remember

00:22:13.900 --> 00:22:16.900
having it come and he said, it's coming together

00:22:16.900 --> 00:22:19.799
and I'm not going to be able to stop it. So ultimately

00:22:19.799 --> 00:22:24.059
he finally releases me so I can go to have my

00:22:24.059 --> 00:22:27.819
own light. And when I walk forward, there's this

00:22:27.819 --> 00:22:30.819
tree there and the tree like split. So almost

00:22:30.819 --> 00:22:32.859
like a fork in the road for me. Like I could

00:22:32.859 --> 00:22:36.039
go to the dark side or the light side. And of

00:22:36.039 --> 00:22:39.900
course I chose a light, but the tree gave me

00:22:39.900 --> 00:22:43.660
so much calmness and peace because my retreat

00:22:43.660 --> 00:22:46.900
R &R company that I had just incorporated and

00:22:46.900 --> 00:22:50.019
everything, when I was doing the branding for

00:22:50.019 --> 00:22:53.200
it over those two years, I knew it had to have

00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.599
a tree in the logo. And when the gentleman that

00:22:56.599 --> 00:23:00.400
created it came back, it had 11 leaves and 11

00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:03.130
roots to it. I never had him change one thing.

00:23:03.549 --> 00:23:06.130
I later interviewed him about what his thought

00:23:06.130 --> 00:23:08.990
process was when he was making it because I thought

00:23:08.990 --> 00:23:13.930
that was not by mistake. So 1111, my release

00:23:13.930 --> 00:23:17.710
date from the hospital was 1111, even my birthday

00:23:17.710 --> 00:23:20.730
is 11. So there was just all these things and

00:23:20.730 --> 00:23:23.809
it just, what it was was another, I felt what

00:23:23.809 --> 00:23:27.230
I would call God gift that you created that logo

00:23:27.230 --> 00:23:29.710
and you didn't even remember this from your NDE.

00:23:30.359 --> 00:23:33.220
Well done. That's how it felt. It's like, yes.

00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:36.559
So that made me really happy to see that. So

00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:39.660
then I get over to the light and all of that

00:23:39.660 --> 00:23:41.880
matter floating around over there, of course,

00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:45.319
is light now, but now there's a bunch like pink

00:23:45.319 --> 00:23:48.180
into it, like a pink. It reminded me just a pink

00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:51.539
court hearts. That was the second. So I was told

00:23:51.539 --> 00:23:53.880
not to partner with the guy on the retreat company.

00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:56.079
And then I was told to start this nonprofit,

00:23:56.339 --> 00:23:59.190
which I had done both by this time. I saw the

00:23:59.190 --> 00:24:01.369
hearts, and when we had a fundraiser for the

00:24:01.369 --> 00:24:04.289
nonprofit, our first gala, in the little gift

00:24:04.289 --> 00:24:07.730
bag that I gave everybody, intuitively I knew

00:24:07.730 --> 00:24:10.849
I needed to put a rose -colored heart in each

00:24:10.849 --> 00:24:14.670
one, quartz. No one questioned it. I didn't even

00:24:14.670 --> 00:24:17.410
give it much thought. Same with the logo. I just

00:24:17.410 --> 00:24:20.069
knew I needed to do that. And I put everyone,

00:24:20.170 --> 00:24:22.509
everyone had one of those in their bag. And I

00:24:22.509 --> 00:24:24.609
remember when I saw those and realized those

00:24:24.609 --> 00:24:26.529
are the, that's that matter, and it's forming

00:24:26.529 --> 00:24:29.950
hearts and now they're pink. Again, it was like,

00:24:30.009 --> 00:24:33.309
wow, you did that. You realized you needed to

00:24:33.309 --> 00:24:35.890
do that because it is all about love. And at

00:24:35.890 --> 00:24:39.289
that moment, the message that I forgot about,

00:24:39.450 --> 00:24:42.829
so in the live review, when it was all about

00:24:42.829 --> 00:24:45.450
love, well, sure, of course, heaven's all about

00:24:45.450 --> 00:24:48.670
love. But I didn't get the rest of it. And when

00:24:48.670 --> 00:24:52.549
I was given that, it shifted a lot of my perception

00:24:52.549 --> 00:24:55.210
about the crazy two years I had just been through,

00:24:55.390 --> 00:24:58.450
which I really needed at the time. And I needed

00:24:58.450 --> 00:25:02.910
that hope. Basically, the message was, love them

00:25:02.910 --> 00:25:05.950
where they're at. And if you think, if I would

00:25:05.950 --> 00:25:08.630
have remembered all of that, it would have changed

00:25:08.630 --> 00:25:10.769
my reactions and the way I dealt with those two

00:25:10.769 --> 00:25:12.829
years. I wouldn't have had all those lessons

00:25:12.829 --> 00:25:15.509
that I had. A lot of those lessons were for the

00:25:15.509 --> 00:25:17.490
philanthropy work I'm supposed to do in the future.

00:25:17.829 --> 00:25:21.930
They were to show me a corrupt system of people

00:25:21.930 --> 00:25:25.630
and... situations and I had attorneys involved,

00:25:25.869 --> 00:25:27.970
I had grandkids involved, I mean it was ugly.

00:25:28.930 --> 00:25:31.509
And learning all those things from that experience,

00:25:31.730 --> 00:25:34.049
I was grateful. I had gratitude and I thought,

00:25:34.369 --> 00:25:37.289
wow, thank you for not giving me that message

00:25:37.289 --> 00:25:42.210
until now. And then I was told from the hypnotist,

00:25:42.390 --> 00:25:45.349
which I know were not his words, he said, more

00:25:45.349 --> 00:25:48.109
will be revealed to you when the time is right.

00:25:48.329 --> 00:25:51.690
And that brought me so much peace because I usually

00:25:51.690 --> 00:25:53.869
want to know everything and I don't like surprises.

00:25:54.569 --> 00:25:57.549
And I was like, okay. I was just like, and it's

00:25:57.549 --> 00:26:01.170
been kind of nice to live my life since then,

00:26:01.289 --> 00:26:03.690
knowing more will be revealed. That's exciting

00:26:03.690 --> 00:26:05.630
for me. I probably couldn't have handled everything

00:26:05.630 --> 00:26:08.349
I would have had and would have remembered. Back

00:26:08.349 --> 00:26:12.109
to the life review. That's where I questioned,

00:26:12.670 --> 00:26:15.130
why am I only seeing? I mean, I'm not complaining

00:26:15.130 --> 00:26:17.369
I'm seeing good, but why am I only seeing good?

00:26:17.690 --> 00:26:21.349
The message was said to me. because this is what

00:26:21.349 --> 00:26:25.130
mattered. And that just, oh, made my heart happy.

00:26:25.250 --> 00:26:27.609
I thought, you know, you're right. I can be judged

00:26:27.609 --> 00:26:32.210
on all the bad things I did, okay, maybe, but

00:26:32.210 --> 00:26:34.210
God is a God of love and maybe He just didn't

00:26:34.210 --> 00:26:36.710
want me to see all that. I didn't need to relive

00:26:36.710 --> 00:26:39.230
it. I knew what I had done. Why does He have

00:26:39.230 --> 00:26:42.690
to show me? If He shows me the good, I felt like

00:26:42.690 --> 00:26:45.029
that was just another healing part of the last

00:26:45.029 --> 00:26:48.279
two years for me to feel like. You're right.

00:26:48.460 --> 00:26:50.819
And we all need to just love people where they're

00:26:50.819 --> 00:26:53.680
at, because He showed me in that, that is what

00:26:53.680 --> 00:26:56.400
matters. I'm just trying to soak all of that

00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:59.960
in. I love that. Thank you. You used the term

00:26:59.960 --> 00:27:02.319
spiritual intervention. What did you mean by

00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:05.400
that exactly? Well, that's the words that came

00:27:05.400 --> 00:27:09.220
to me later when I put the pieces together. So

00:27:09.220 --> 00:27:13.160
I just put the pieces together of, I had the

00:27:13.160 --> 00:27:15.380
near death and I knew Darby got me, but I just

00:27:15.380 --> 00:27:19.509
put like this year, That Darby was who took me

00:27:19.509 --> 00:27:22.150
from the hospital I don't know why I didn't connect

00:27:22.150 --> 00:27:25.269
that and then until I did and that was another

00:27:25.269 --> 00:27:27.589
thing More will be revealed to you. I felt like

00:27:27.589 --> 00:27:30.190
when I was ready to understand that's what happened

00:27:30.190 --> 00:27:33.329
That's when I knew that so he took me from the

00:27:33.329 --> 00:27:35.309
hospital brought me to the in -between to get

00:27:35.309 --> 00:27:38.130
my light The words that just came to me was a

00:27:38.130 --> 00:27:40.089
spiritual intervention because that's what it

00:27:40.089 --> 00:27:42.630
felt like when the light came and was hitting

00:27:42.630 --> 00:27:45.630
my face And that's when he had to release me

00:27:45.630 --> 00:27:48.029
because it was coming to get me. And I felt like

00:27:48.029 --> 00:27:50.230
that's what it felt like was a spiritual intervention.

00:27:50.329 --> 00:27:53.210
They had to come back and say, no, no, you're

00:27:53.210 --> 00:27:55.809
not. You're not supposed to be doing this. That's

00:27:55.809 --> 00:27:58.309
why you're in the in between. She gets to go

00:27:58.309 --> 00:27:59.990
to the light. You know, you need to release her.

00:28:00.009 --> 00:28:03.109
So that's just what it felt like to me. OK. And

00:28:03.109 --> 00:28:06.640
with your life review, did you? Specifically

00:28:06.640 --> 00:28:09.960
ask somebody, why am I not remembering these

00:28:09.960 --> 00:28:12.579
other things? Or was it just sort of a thought?

00:28:13.059 --> 00:28:15.700
I want to go down this path for a second. Yeah,

00:28:15.819 --> 00:28:18.779
totally a thought. I don't ever remember speaking.

00:28:19.079 --> 00:28:22.019
Everything was in my mind. But the answer came

00:28:22.019 --> 00:28:25.299
as a thought also? Yeah, instantly, because this

00:28:25.299 --> 00:28:27.680
is what mattered. Yeah. Because this is what

00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:31.980
mattered. A lot of religions have a belief in

00:28:31.980 --> 00:28:35.019
repentance. Is that something that you believe

00:28:35.019 --> 00:28:39.420
in? I do. Yeah, I do. Do you think those things

00:28:39.420 --> 00:28:42.319
weren't there because you had repented of them?

00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:45.720
That's such an interesting thought. It's possible.

00:28:46.259 --> 00:28:49.500
I mean, my first gut feeling on that question

00:28:49.500 --> 00:28:52.279
would be, you know, I just got the message 11

00:28:52.279 --> 00:28:54.819
where they're at. So it's like it was showing

00:28:54.819 --> 00:28:57.779
me how many times I had done that. And that's

00:28:57.779 --> 00:29:01.319
what mattered. So maybe. I'm sure there's plenty

00:29:01.319 --> 00:29:04.680
I haven't repented of. How does love them where

00:29:04.680 --> 00:29:07.059
they're at apply to things today? Because to

00:29:07.059 --> 00:29:10.400
me, I love that. It sounds like just a very non

00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:13.119
-judgmental way to live. Well, the funny thing

00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:16.039
is I don't even know if those words are at proper

00:29:16.039 --> 00:29:18.900
English. Love them. I don't know if they are.

00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:21.279
I'm from a family and we say funny things for

00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:24.059
different words, just how we were raised. I thought

00:29:24.059 --> 00:29:26.299
about it later and I thought that could be another

00:29:26.299 --> 00:29:29.599
way it was said to me so I would understand it.

00:29:29.599 --> 00:29:33.279
I don't know. But I've told that story. I had

00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:35.880
a gentleman earlier this year that I was on a

00:29:35.880 --> 00:29:38.859
business cruise and we stayed up quite late in

00:29:38.859 --> 00:29:41.400
the evening having me share the story with him

00:29:41.400 --> 00:29:45.279
and he was a therapist. He had a lot of issues

00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:49.410
and almost hate in his heart for people that

00:29:49.410 --> 00:29:53.170
were doing really bad things in the world. And

00:29:53.170 --> 00:29:55.430
he said, when I told him that message, the next

00:29:55.430 --> 00:29:59.430
day he messaged me and he said, you have changed

00:29:59.430 --> 00:30:02.450
my life by those words. He said, I am really

00:30:02.450 --> 00:30:05.450
looking at things differently and the perception

00:30:05.450 --> 00:30:07.890
and how I felt. You're right. It's not my place

00:30:07.890 --> 00:30:11.200
to judge. This was like earlier this year and

00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:12.799
it's been months and months now. And he just

00:30:12.799 --> 00:30:14.940
messaged me the other day and was again saying,

00:30:15.140 --> 00:30:18.059
I'll never forget that conversation we had. And

00:30:18.059 --> 00:30:21.519
that made me so happy to think that those words,

00:30:21.619 --> 00:30:24.140
I mean, they've changed my life, no doubt, but

00:30:24.140 --> 00:30:26.640
it takes the judgment away. We have a people,

00:30:26.819 --> 00:30:28.960
it's who they are. It brings in the compassion

00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:32.779
and that love. If we just remember those words,

00:30:33.019 --> 00:30:35.559
they're simple words. I know you also wanted

00:30:35.559 --> 00:30:38.180
to share some about out -of -body experiences

00:30:38.180 --> 00:30:42.319
and spiritually transformative experiences and

00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:45.480
I'm using the full length terms because OBE and

00:30:45.480 --> 00:30:48.599
STE is not known by everybody. Is there anything

00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:51.700
else with the NDE that you want to talk about

00:30:51.700 --> 00:30:54.720
before we move on to those? No, I think that

00:30:54.720 --> 00:30:57.440
pretty much summed it up. I was just glad I got

00:30:57.440 --> 00:30:59.940
the rest of the story and more to come is, I

00:30:59.940 --> 00:31:02.700
guess, how I would put it. Out of body experiences,

00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:05.690
I can just share. I had lots of them. And I really

00:31:05.690 --> 00:31:07.890
haven't talked to people or listened to people's

00:31:07.890 --> 00:31:10.049
out -of -body experiences much. And I didn't

00:31:10.049 --> 00:31:12.849
do even listen to any NDEs or anything for about

00:31:12.849 --> 00:31:14.869
a year after I got out of the hospital. I was

00:31:14.869 --> 00:31:17.990
in my own turmoil for one. But for two, I felt

00:31:17.990 --> 00:31:22.289
like I had so much missing those gaps that I

00:31:22.289 --> 00:31:24.509
didn't want it to cloud by listening to other

00:31:24.509 --> 00:31:26.869
people's stories. I felt like now I listen to

00:31:26.869 --> 00:31:30.150
them and it helps me remember things. But then

00:31:30.150 --> 00:31:32.289
I felt like it would have tainted what I knew

00:31:32.289 --> 00:31:36.160
and what I felt out of body. I didn't know anything

00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:40.079
about, again. Most of the time, ironically, I

00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:43.660
would go to this town in Perowen, Utah. Do you

00:31:43.660 --> 00:31:45.700
know where that is, since you're in Utah? I do.

00:31:45.759 --> 00:31:48.579
It's not far from Cedar City, right? Right, which

00:31:48.579 --> 00:31:51.299
is so ironic that that's where I ended up a lot.

00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:54.200
So the funny thing is, I would take my bed with

00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:56.220
me, because I think I thought I wouldn't get

00:31:56.220 --> 00:31:59.759
it back. And sometimes, some days that I would

00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:02.769
leave, I was like in a ... shipping container,

00:32:02.970 --> 00:32:05.829
like that was my hospital room in my mind, and

00:32:05.829 --> 00:32:07.390
an ambulance, don't ask me why an ambulance,

00:32:07.630 --> 00:32:09.569
they would hook up to it and they would haul

00:32:09.569 --> 00:32:12.309
me off on my out -of -body journey where I needed

00:32:12.309 --> 00:32:14.309
to go because I knew I was sick and I couldn't

00:32:14.309 --> 00:32:17.569
get there on my own. So I had that happen a lot.

00:32:17.690 --> 00:32:19.589
At the end of the day, they would back it in

00:32:19.589 --> 00:32:21.970
at the hospital. It was like a wing, you know,

00:32:22.029 --> 00:32:24.809
to the hospital. put me back in there so I'd

00:32:24.809 --> 00:32:27.109
have medical care at night. So that happened

00:32:27.109 --> 00:32:30.490
many times. And I would go to Perwin, Utah, which

00:32:30.490 --> 00:32:33.529
there is a home there that's now the city owns

00:32:33.529 --> 00:32:36.349
and it's a museum. And I knew I had been there

00:32:36.349 --> 00:32:38.130
with my kids when they were little. We did a

00:32:38.130 --> 00:32:40.970
cousin's camp because I knew it was a relative.

00:32:41.190 --> 00:32:44.250
I thought maybe a great, great grandfather. I

00:32:44.250 --> 00:32:46.730
found out later it was three greats, great, great,

00:32:46.730 --> 00:32:50.009
great grandfather's home, Jesse M. Smith. So

00:32:50.009 --> 00:32:53.099
I was like, okay, I don't know why I'm here.

00:32:53.480 --> 00:32:57.039
But I went back there a couple years later. And

00:32:57.039 --> 00:32:59.839
I remember they had remodeled it a couple times.

00:32:59.839 --> 00:33:02.559
But I remember this creepy staircase that was

00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:04.859
kind of a spiral staircase that had it went to

00:33:04.859 --> 00:33:07.740
a dirt floor at the basement. It was still there.

00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:09.359
And I remember that being a little bit of an

00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:10.980
eerie feeling. You know, when you actually see

00:33:10.980 --> 00:33:13.700
something that you saw in real life, it's just

00:33:13.700 --> 00:33:15.960
it was interesting. I found out my grandfather

00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:18.339
didn't live in that home very much. He was he

00:33:18.339 --> 00:33:22.970
was a missionary for the church and so he was

00:33:22.970 --> 00:33:25.430
gone a lot. So I don't know if they were practicing.

00:33:25.450 --> 00:33:27.410
I think they might've been practicing polygamy

00:33:27.410 --> 00:33:29.869
still then. This would have been 165 years ago.

00:33:30.210 --> 00:33:32.410
So I haven't looked at all the timelines, but

00:33:32.410 --> 00:33:34.529
that's when the house was built is about that.

00:33:34.549 --> 00:33:36.910
So that's how far back in time I would go. So

00:33:36.910 --> 00:33:39.130
there were some interesting things and they weren't

00:33:39.130 --> 00:33:41.910
all good. There were some creepy things and I

00:33:41.910 --> 00:33:45.019
don't know why I was seeing a lot of those. For

00:33:45.019 --> 00:33:47.640
instance, there was a really scary time when

00:33:47.640 --> 00:33:49.920
I was in, I think it was almost like a little,

00:33:50.259 --> 00:33:53.400
a school room. And I remember there was some

00:33:53.400 --> 00:33:56.640
evil in there somehow. And I knew, I knew something

00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:59.599
was going to happen. So like I reversed time

00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:04.119
and I remember standing by the door and I remember

00:34:04.119 --> 00:34:06.359
something was going to break. I remember standing

00:34:06.359 --> 00:34:09.300
there and this guy and I, if I saw him today,

00:34:09.300 --> 00:34:12.559
I would know it was him. Like almost looked a

00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:15.440
little bit. like a Jewish nose and just dark,

00:34:15.659 --> 00:34:19.480
just very, very dark. He was over on my left

00:34:19.480 --> 00:34:22.699
shoulder as he walked in that door. And I remember

00:34:22.699 --> 00:34:24.800
I froze there thinking, I don't want him to see

00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:26.980
me. I don't want him to see me. And I knew that

00:34:26.980 --> 00:34:28.900
something was going to fall off one of the shelves

00:34:28.900 --> 00:34:32.039
and break. And so I remember counting, you know,

00:34:32.219 --> 00:34:33.860
counting down the one that was happened. And

00:34:33.860 --> 00:34:36.719
when it happened, I remember his Oh, so clear.

00:34:36.860 --> 00:34:39.300
It creeps me out. You can talk about it. I remember

00:34:39.300 --> 00:34:41.639
him right there. I could like I could feel his

00:34:41.639 --> 00:34:44.420
breath. He was so close to me and it broke. And

00:34:44.420 --> 00:34:49.159
I remember him shaking his head and going. And

00:34:49.159 --> 00:34:51.940
I just remember being so creeped out and I got

00:34:51.940 --> 00:34:53.820
out of there as fast as I could. I mean, that

00:34:53.820 --> 00:34:56.179
was just like one thing. I did go in present

00:34:56.179 --> 00:34:59.119
time a couple of times to current events and

00:34:59.119 --> 00:35:01.579
stuff. But anyway, those weren't really significant

00:35:01.579 --> 00:35:03.900
or anything. Did these all happen while you were

00:35:03.900 --> 00:35:07.460
in the hospital? Yeah, they were, I believe those

00:35:07.460 --> 00:35:11.480
were probably before my near death and then maybe

00:35:11.480 --> 00:35:15.500
after. My STE, the spiritual transformation experience

00:35:15.500 --> 00:35:19.019
was the last thing I had. Okay, I just want to

00:35:19.019 --> 00:35:22.960
throw in one fun fact here. But I had ancestors

00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:27.360
in Parawan in the 1800s too. Probably related.

00:35:27.880 --> 00:35:31.579
We're probably related or our ancestors were

00:35:31.579 --> 00:35:34.320
friends or something. Anyway, we'll talk about

00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:39.179
that later. Alright, STE. Okay. So my STE was

00:35:39.179 --> 00:35:41.619
the last experience that I had in the hospital.

00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:45.380
It was the most, it was the quickest story to

00:35:45.380 --> 00:35:49.280
tell, but it was very powerful for me. I mean,

00:35:49.340 --> 00:35:52.800
it was a matter of life or death. So a little

00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:54.960
pre -story, I have a cousin, a little bit more

00:35:54.960 --> 00:35:57.920
like a sister than a cousin. and she lives out

00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:01.179
of state. She text a message to one of my sisters

00:36:01.179 --> 00:36:03.880
that was in the hospital with me that day. She

00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:06.099
had been praying for my husband and I's wellbeing

00:36:06.099 --> 00:36:08.980
and she had a really spiritual experience and

00:36:08.980 --> 00:36:11.320
all these spirits came around her, surrounded

00:36:11.320 --> 00:36:14.340
her that had passed on. She asked who they were

00:36:14.340 --> 00:36:17.260
because that's who she is. And she got the names

00:36:17.260 --> 00:36:19.460
one by one. And she said, I normally wouldn't

00:36:19.460 --> 00:36:22.780
share this kind of an experience on a text. But

00:36:22.780 --> 00:36:24.940
I know Holly's not doing very well right now,

00:36:24.940 --> 00:36:27.599
and I think she needs to hear this. And I think

00:36:27.599 --> 00:36:29.480
she was right, because that was the beginning

00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:32.920
of what happened. They must have put me back

00:36:32.920 --> 00:36:35.480
in a coma. Sometimes I was in an induced, sometimes

00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:37.460
paralyzed. I think they were always induced,

00:36:37.559 --> 00:36:39.579
but sometimes I was a paralyzed coma, sometimes

00:36:39.579 --> 00:36:42.579
just to be there, be still so my lungs would

00:36:42.579 --> 00:36:46.019
heal. And the medications, I mean, they put you

00:36:46.019 --> 00:36:48.300
on, I guess if you're in pain, you'll come out

00:36:48.300 --> 00:36:50.679
of your coma. So they keep you on a lot of drugs.

00:36:51.219 --> 00:36:55.280
I remember going back and I remember a lot of

00:36:55.280 --> 00:36:59.420
my prayers at that point were, you know, this

00:36:59.420 --> 00:37:02.840
isn't very much fun. I'm not liking this situation.

00:37:03.320 --> 00:37:05.219
If you're not going to get me better, get me

00:37:05.219 --> 00:37:07.820
out of here. I'm ready. I was never afraid to

00:37:07.820 --> 00:37:10.739
die, but I was pretty much done with suffering.

00:37:11.420 --> 00:37:16.659
I was really upset that my cousin got that experience,

00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:18.739
kind of like the civil rivalry. Why did she get

00:37:18.739 --> 00:37:20.940
it and I didn't? I was having that attitude.

00:37:21.179 --> 00:37:23.880
I just said, it's not fair. I'm the one suffering.

00:37:23.960 --> 00:37:26.579
Why did she get to experience that? I think I

00:37:26.579 --> 00:37:29.699
was upset that I wasn't having those kinds of

00:37:29.699 --> 00:37:32.340
experiences. I was having my crazy out of body

00:37:32.340 --> 00:37:35.980
experiences. Next thing I know, my mom comes

00:37:35.980 --> 00:37:38.800
to me on the side of my bed. She's on my right

00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:42.159
side of my bed. She had just passed away about

00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:44.239
a year and a half before from Parkinson's. She

00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:46.800
had suffered for a long time. She was with me

00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:49.559
a lot in the hospital, but this time when she

00:37:49.559 --> 00:37:52.739
came, she said to me, she said, it's not your

00:37:52.739 --> 00:37:56.280
time to go and you need to fight. It was that

00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:59.369
like mom telling you what to do. It was with

00:37:59.369 --> 00:38:03.110
love, but it was like your mom would tell you

00:38:03.110 --> 00:38:05.949
to do something. It was like that. As soon as

00:38:05.949 --> 00:38:08.650
she said the word fight, I remember a little

00:38:08.650 --> 00:38:11.449
cringe in myself because I don't love that word.

00:38:12.050 --> 00:38:14.530
All above my bed, so I'm laying in my bed now,

00:38:14.969 --> 00:38:19.110
and all above my bed come all of these past relatives,

00:38:19.269 --> 00:38:21.530
all in white. I could see them from the waist

00:38:21.530 --> 00:38:25.889
up. and they all came all above me. Grandparents

00:38:25.889 --> 00:38:29.750
and aunts, uncles, my brother had died in a horrific

00:38:29.750 --> 00:38:33.050
car accident and his wife separately in a horrific

00:38:33.050 --> 00:38:36.349
car accident. I had just lost a grandbaby six

00:38:36.349 --> 00:38:38.869
months before. She was two days old when she

00:38:38.869 --> 00:38:41.550
passed away, but she was an adult and I knew

00:38:41.550 --> 00:38:45.289
it was her. And that was really special. And

00:38:45.289 --> 00:38:49.519
so they start chanting, fight, fight. fight.

00:38:50.099 --> 00:38:53.900
And every time that word would get said, a whole

00:38:53.900 --> 00:38:56.219
nother group, now in street clothes, which were

00:38:56.219 --> 00:38:59.539
living people, my siblings, my kids, my husband,

00:38:59.900 --> 00:39:02.579
they all appeared. And then every time they just

00:39:02.579 --> 00:39:05.159
keep chanting that just more and more people,

00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:08.119
I would see more friends and more relatives.

00:39:08.380 --> 00:39:10.260
And it just went on and on and on. I would say

00:39:10.260 --> 00:39:13.699
thousands of people finally appeared in that.

00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:19.329
And in that moment, I knew I'd live. It was like,

00:39:19.809 --> 00:39:21.650
well, how could I not? Look at all the support

00:39:21.650 --> 00:39:24.789
I have. And I realized later that all those people

00:39:24.789 --> 00:39:27.289
I didn't know that were there, chanting fight,

00:39:28.210 --> 00:39:32.210
were all those prayerless. I mean, we were still

00:39:32.210 --> 00:39:34.860
kind of shut down from COVID. people were hanging

00:39:34.860 --> 00:39:36.539
onto social media. They were definitely hanging

00:39:36.539 --> 00:39:38.260
on to my social media. I had friends all over

00:39:38.260 --> 00:39:40.420
the world. That was the only way they knew if

00:39:40.420 --> 00:39:43.539
I was living and my sisters would post updates,

00:39:43.559 --> 00:39:47.699
I would get three or 400 comments on each post.

00:39:47.900 --> 00:39:50.079
I mean, it was just the love that was shown at

00:39:50.079 --> 00:39:52.659
later. I printed all that out because you have

00:39:52.659 --> 00:39:55.079
a bad day and you go read something like that.

00:39:55.079 --> 00:39:58.320
It shifts you really quick. It was just knowing

00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:02.800
that you have all these people had my back. And

00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:04.800
I knew I'd live after that. It was like so clear

00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:08.119
to me that, okay, this isn't gonna be easy, but

00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:10.239
I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna fight. That's

00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:12.920
what I've done every day since. That's awesome.

00:40:13.579 --> 00:40:15.280
All right, what's the takeaway from all this?

00:40:15.500 --> 00:40:18.219
How has it changed your life? It's interesting

00:40:18.219 --> 00:40:20.739
because I still feel like I'm the same person

00:40:20.739 --> 00:40:24.179
in some aspects and then so different in others.

00:40:24.360 --> 00:40:27.199
I would say I was religious, spiritual, and now

00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:29.889
I feel like I'm spiritual, religious. If that

00:40:29.889 --> 00:40:32.789
makes sense, it is shifted that for me. We're

00:40:32.789 --> 00:40:36.789
just men and women here and having an earthly

00:40:36.789 --> 00:40:40.690
experience. And I feel like I don't consider

00:40:40.690 --> 00:40:44.429
time to be as of essence as I like. I'm not.

00:40:44.550 --> 00:40:48.070
I don't push like I used to as a lot slower health

00:40:48.070 --> 00:40:52.630
wise, obviously. But I just feel like this is

00:40:52.630 --> 00:40:55.949
such a small speck of time in the big perspective

00:40:55.949 --> 00:40:59.010
of things. I share with people, I'll probably

00:40:59.010 --> 00:41:01.309
explain it different ways sometimes when I say

00:41:01.309 --> 00:41:04.590
it, but I feel like when we want to know what

00:41:04.590 --> 00:41:08.929
heaven's like, I say one second of heaven is

00:41:08.929 --> 00:41:12.750
like every, every, every good moment, day, time

00:41:12.750 --> 00:41:16.070
period that you had here added up together is

00:41:16.070 --> 00:41:18.469
maybe one second of what you will have up there.

00:41:18.829 --> 00:41:20.670
So think of all the joy you had in your whole

00:41:20.670 --> 00:41:23.969
life experiences you had, and if you could experience

00:41:23.969 --> 00:41:26.409
that in one second. So think about living there.

00:41:26.639 --> 00:41:31.079
as an eternity, I mean, that's how I would explain

00:41:31.079 --> 00:41:33.619
it. I love it. How much fear of death do you

00:41:33.619 --> 00:41:37.219
have? Zero. I mean, I want to live. Obviously,

00:41:37.239 --> 00:41:39.860
even going to my near death telling her to rescind

00:41:39.860 --> 00:41:42.860
my DNR, I obviously knew I was in trouble and

00:41:42.860 --> 00:41:45.500
I wanted to live. I joke to my kids, they're

00:41:45.500 --> 00:41:47.539
all adults now that I can help them better from

00:41:47.539 --> 00:41:49.420
the other side than I can't hear because now

00:41:49.420 --> 00:41:52.119
they don't have to listen to me. But really,

00:41:52.420 --> 00:41:55.190
I have no fear of death. All right, last thing.

00:41:55.230 --> 00:41:57.090
I'm going to let you have the last word here.

00:41:57.630 --> 00:42:01.630
If somebody out there today is really, I don't

00:42:01.630 --> 00:42:04.030
know, really concerned about a loved one that

00:42:04.030 --> 00:42:08.389
they've lost, besides missing that person, gee,

00:42:08.449 --> 00:42:11.289
what has happened to my loved one? Can you help

00:42:11.289 --> 00:42:14.989
fill some of those gaps for them? Just help us

00:42:14.989 --> 00:42:17.949
understand a little bit better. Well, let's think

00:42:17.949 --> 00:42:21.769
of it as a stadium. Well, two things. Let's think

00:42:21.769 --> 00:42:23.809
of it as a stadium where I was and there were

00:42:23.809 --> 00:42:25.849
thousands of people there. None of them were

00:42:25.849 --> 00:42:30.050
living. Whether they were going or coming, I

00:42:30.050 --> 00:42:33.050
don't know. I don't have that answer. But think

00:42:33.050 --> 00:42:35.909
about all that love and support there. And then

00:42:35.909 --> 00:42:37.670
just think about my spiritual transformation

00:42:37.670 --> 00:42:39.849
experience and all the people I saw that were

00:42:39.849 --> 00:42:44.010
wanting me to fight to live. Everybody, everybody

00:42:44.010 --> 00:42:46.969
has that. We all have a team of angels and a

00:42:46.969 --> 00:42:50.150
team of support. Even when we don't feel like

00:42:50.150 --> 00:42:54.389
we do, even when we feel alone, it's there. And

00:42:54.389 --> 00:42:56.570
sometimes we just need to dig a little deeper

00:42:56.570 --> 00:43:00.510
and just fill your heart with love. I think you'll

00:43:00.510 --> 00:43:03.630
find that you won't feel so alone. Thank you.

00:43:03.869 --> 00:43:07.760
Holly, I appreciate your time. And just sharing

00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:10.300
all of this, it can't be that easy to share.

00:43:10.679 --> 00:43:13.539
Hopefully it also makes you feel good. But if

00:43:13.539 --> 00:43:15.820
anybody wants to reach out to you, can we put

00:43:15.820 --> 00:43:18.079
something in the show notes where they can contact

00:43:18.079 --> 00:43:21.460
you? Absolutely. Yeah, thank you. All right,

00:43:21.559 --> 00:43:27.380
we'll do it. Take care. Thanks again for listening

00:43:27.380 --> 00:43:29.840
and sharing this podcast. Don't forget to hit

00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:32.679
the follow or subscribe button and sign up for

00:43:32.679 --> 00:43:35.519
our newsletter at roundtriptest .com. If you

00:43:35.519 --> 00:43:38.099
want to share your near -death experience, or

00:43:38.099 --> 00:43:40.039
if you have questions or comments about the show,

00:43:40.539 --> 00:43:43.619
send an email to eric at roundtripdeath .com.

00:43:43.980 --> 00:43:46.139
Until then, I wish you everything good that you're

00:43:46.139 --> 00:43:48.519
looking for in this life and the next.